There are many red flags. Should this just be the final one?
I confronted her and asked her why she hasn't been getting a shit ton of notifications and she said she deleted it for blah blah reason and that I have nothing to worry about. When I got back to my house later that afternoon I saw that she'd been using it again. Just super sketchy.
DaveyOneBite 5y ago
Dude come on you already know the answer. There are other red flags too? Trust your gut.
That’s not just some saying. Your brain picks up so much data. Much more than you can consciously retain. Your gut feeling is your subconscious noticing something is off. Don’t ignore it.
dr_warlock 5y ago
These kids come in here just to be spanked for their bad behavior and tell them what they already know.
CeremonyTree 5y ago
I need bros that aren't in relationships and are willing to risk advising me to cuck myself. Damn right I made a post about it.
I do agree that I should be able to think and know what is best for myself, but I honestly wasn't sure. Strange how the only negative comment directed at me is from an endorsed contributor.
CeremonyTree 5y ago
Ah, you're right. I just need a push. I am surrounded by dudes in LTRs, and their advice is obviously opposite.
DaveyOneBite 5y ago
I’ve been in your shoes. I ignored the signs, but I for sure felt something was off.
You’ll regret not acting while you can to save your dignity/ego. Breakups are remarkably easier when you’re doing the breaking up. Rejection breeds obsession.
sampson158 5y ago
Breakups are a lot cheaper than Divorces. Do it now while you still can, breaking up with a cheating Gf is a lot easier than Divorcing a cheating wife after you find her in a hotel with another dude.
CeremonyTree 5y ago
Right, thanks. My game plan is to just wait until I hear from her then tell her to call me and end things there amiably.
airmcnair06 5y ago
Being surrounded by dudes on ltrs might be a problem too. You probably subconsciously don't wanna be the only single one of your group cause you'll "be lonely and have no one to hang out with". I've been there before. You kinda wanna keep everything comfortable and with the groove of your frienda group as is cause it's fun and easy. You don't want to believe that ugly truth in your gut so you literally push it down and physically hold it in. But just trust that gut instinct. This is just you not accepting the truth about the situation. Let go of that resistance. And remember, Being comfortable = no growth.
CeremonyTree 5y ago
I would actually fully agree with this. I would say that around 90% of my Bros are in LTRs, I think I have two friends that are not (I'm 24.)
bannedfromWTFmod 5y ago
If you're not sure, just try to "undevelope" feelings for her and then if shit hits the fan it won't bother you.
CeremonyTree 5y ago
I have tried that in the past, they always came back. Oneitis has deeply set roots.
[deleted]
Adadya 5y ago
Think of the gut as the rational mind, our instincts
dongpal 5y ago
It has even more than your brain AFAIK
Ricklogical 5y ago
Back to plate :)
CeremonyTree 5y ago
Don't think I can. Oneitis.
Ricklogical 5y ago
One day you will! If not, you will not but ultimately the goal of TRP is to come to a point in life where whatever is causing you harm can be cut away, done without, or replaced without much trouble.
The best things in life are those you accomplish and create on your own. Take care of yourself and focus there, let the rest of the world sort itself out.
Become too busy for any bullshit, make yourself so much greater than you are now that everything you know is less than what you have to accept, what you are willing to accept, and beyond the possibility of your ego's entertainment and patience!
CeremonyTree 5y ago
Wow man I really appreciate the reply. Have you ever seen the movie 'Heat'? In it Deniro's character says that you shouldn't get involved in anything that you can't walk out on in 30 seconds or less. This reminds me of your comment.
It is especially important in this situation because Deniro had previously seen his friends girl cheat on him and is saying exactly what your saying. Thanks bro.
CeremonyTree 5y ago
https://youtu.be/XIhDP873ZL4
Nergaal 5y ago
Questions for others here: OP obviously has a weakish frame, would it be useful for somebody like him to demand to see the logs before walking out? If he is wrong, she will lose any respect she had remaining for him (pretty much none to begin with). If he is correct in his gut, that will confirm to himself that he should trust his gut. It's objective measure of her infidelity, not her own words of what she was doing on the app.
RivenHalf 5y ago
It's not even worth it at this point, the cards are already laid out on the table. He doesn't need to expose her because he already has. She said he has nothing to worry in relations to the app and yet she puts it back on her phone thinking he was unaware and she got caught. The jury has already read the conviction. She's guilty.
CeremonyTree 5y ago
She asked if I wanted to see logs in the moment, which I declined. If I asked at this point that would be retarded. I've read the replies & agree. I need to hard next.
ChasingLetters 5y ago
Been here, caught it on her phone and she was talking to an ex. You know the answer, convey that you don't tolerate that and she will try to fix it - or at least SAY that they will.
justicecantakeanap 5y ago
The situation is clear, you must bail out
[deleted]
[deleted] 5y ago
i'm gonna tell you what to do now so listen up:
tell her you met someone else and that it's over.
don't tell her the real reason it's over. don't give her the satisfaction of knowing you left because you were insecure. keep her in the dark. tell her you met someone else and realized she isn't what you want anymore.
you're welcome
CeremonyTree 5y ago
I agree with the message of coming out on top, but I have no reason to lie. I'll just tell her that I'm unhappy with her and the relationship & that I want to see other people.
[deleted] 5y ago
that works
Sir-Pumpalot 5y ago
dump her emotionally, stop investing in her (in case you do) and just try to see her as a women you have sex with not your ltr. personally I would still meet with her, have sex and go my way, it was just your turn and it doesnt need to end here, what needs to end is your investment in her
CeremonyTree 5y ago
I would've liked to, but I don't have any other options lined up.
Straightfromthemudd 5y ago
Since you have feelings for this girl I cant even suggest you plate her.
Hard next, game other women. Shes up to no good
CeremonyTree 5y ago
Thanks man. Have a good one.
dogapples 5y ago
“there are many red flags”.
you know what to do. if you can’t trust your girl it’s time to drop her.
you’re a man. you’re the prize. you deserve to be treated with respect.
red flags = have some respect and leave.
CeremonyTree 5y ago
Right, I appreciate the reminder. Have a great day.
doyoumrjones99 5y ago
Her excuse literally makes no sense. She's clearly hiding something.
CeremonyTree 5y ago
She offered to let me go through her snap. I gauge it as a retaliatory statement mostly begging me to call her bluff which I didn't (maybe should've).
stankmo 5y ago
you are the plate
CeremonyTree 5y ago
First relationship in a long time. Figured I would enter it just to see what would happen & I've never experienced the decay from an informed perspective. Women can be quite backwards.
pilljourney 5y ago
What are the other red flags?
CeremonyTree 5y ago
All her friends are hardcore feminists
Best friend is a stripper (from childhood, started getting closer around the time we started dating)
Not great to her family
Recently started smoking weed (other drugs?) heavily
Have caught her messaging a guy in the past
AliYaHaydarYaHussein 5y ago
If it wasn't for those red flags, I would agree with her especially if she has an Android phone. The Snapchat app is fucking garbage.
[deleted] 5y ago
[deleted]
CeremonyTree 5y ago
What do you mean by cracks? Seems to me she doesn't give a whole lot of a fuck. What are the odds she just owns up to her shit bro?
[deleted] 5y ago
[deleted]
CeremonyTree 5y ago
We don't text a lot. Basically just to arrange meet ups which are about twice a week.
boy_named_su 5y ago
Time for Judge Dread
CeremonyTree 5y ago
I would dread her, but I just feel that it isn't worth it at this point. I've basically decided that she's just making me unhappy. Now on to figuring out the best way to end things.
RivenHalf 5y ago
Good suggestion but honestly this is way past Dread repairs. Once you're into levels of deception this high then hard nexting is the only answer
rcsob 5y ago
DREDD
Morphs_ 5y ago
You really need to read the sidebar for missing such a blatant joke
rcsob 5y ago
I know what dread is and I get the joke
Morphs_ 5y ago
ok
magx01 5y ago
Come on man, listen to your gut.
CeremonyTree 5y ago
I will. Thanks.
RivenHalf 5y ago
When a woman says "You have nothing to worry about,"
You can be sure as fuck you have something to worry about lol run.
CeremonyTree 5y ago
I wish it weren't true, my friend.
[deleted] 5y ago
[deleted]
CeremonyTree 5y ago
Don't think I can plate as I am pretty emotionally invested & still unplugging.
[deleted] 5y ago
[deleted]
[deleted] 5y ago
[deleted]
hash_bang22 5y ago
Monday: eh I dont need XYZ app, I dont ever use it I'll just delete it.
Thursday: where is XYZ app? Alright, download commencing.
Fairly common thing with me too. Just like throwing something away. As soon as you do, you'll find a use for it.
CeremonyTree 5y ago
Right. I just don't know what are my own insecurities and weak frame and what are legitimate grounds for concern. Pretty inexperienced in relationships.
magx01 5y ago
Let me give you a word of advice (as an older guy with some experience): When you "confront" them on something like this, it goes one of two ways (or a combination thereof):
1) HOW DARE YOU! You are insecure/don't trust me, blah blah. Basically moral outrage from which you are supposed to shrink and give in.
2) "Oh, no here's why I did it" followed by reasons that always make her sound good and play to the type of morality she believes you to hold. The end result is you thinking "what a good/smart/moral/kind/empathetic/thoughtful whatever girl" and her secretly continuing to act on what REALLY drives them: the biological imperative to be attractive, to fuck and to form social bonds with men from whom they can derive various benefits.
Let me give you a small example of #2 which shows you how young it starts:
My nephew is full: "Hey uncle mag, you want the rest of this? I'm full."
My daughter is full: "Hey Daddy mag, I know how much you love x (x being whatever food she is eating) so I want you to have the rest of this." Most dads "Oh that's so sweet! What a sweet, caring, thoughtful girl you are!" Me: ".....so you're full, eh?" Her: "Ya, I'm full." Me: "Nice try though" followed by eating the food.
And yes the above has actually happened. Girls start this at a young age. And it's not their fault either; they are physically vulnerable so their nature dictates that they do whatever they can to ingratiate themselves to those around them that are stronger.
returnofthemackX 5y ago
When a girl pulls this I already know I'm in the right and she is in the wrong. From that point on I check to see how far they dig their own grave.
CeremonyTree 5y ago
She did say she deleted it because she 'just wanted to be with me when i'm there'. I feel that this is falls into the second category.
magx01 5y ago
100% playing into what you want/she thinks you want.
CeremonyTree 5y ago
Is that not outright manipulation?
magx01 5y ago
Of course.
CeremonyTree 5y ago
I'm so angry right now. Should I not be?
magx01 5y ago
Not really, no. It's their nature. And if you take your own ego out of it and look at it as a species wide phenomenon, especially though the lens of cross generational survival, it makes a lot of sense.
DevilMayCry 5y ago
If it happens once, give her the benefit of the doubt. If it happens again, then you know what to do.
CeremonyTree 5y ago
Something similar has happened before and she told me that I can go through her phone whenever. I denied this, but because she no longer has a passcode on her phone I interpret the deleting of the app as a second line of defense.
clint_bronson 5y ago
"You have nothing to worry about"
Coming from women, hearing that always makes me worried.
CeremonyTree 5y ago
I agree. Thanks.
69odin420 5y ago
Next
CeremonyTree 5y ago
Yep. Thanks.
[deleted] 5y ago
She's lying to you bruh. I would either leave her or treat her like a friend. As of right now, she's not relationship material.
CeremonyTree 5y ago
I will leave her & remain amiable with her I guess.
[deleted] 5y ago
bruh don't try to get back with her or anything. if anything i would completely eliminate any traces or signs of temptation
CeremonyTree 5y ago
No, you're right. I guess my reply was confusing. I just won't give her my emotional response is all I was saying.
seedster5 5y ago
You made a post about it. Dump her and date someone whose not a total social media cunt.
HerefortheTuna 5y ago
yeah my ex is addicted to social media. Shit is toxic
CeremonyTree 5y ago
I need bros that aren't in relationships and are willing to risk advising me to cuck myself. Damn right I made a post about it.
seedster5 5y ago
I wasn't attacking you. I was trying to say that if you're concerned about her behaviour enough to make a post then you need to make the cal. Your gut instinct knows something isn't right. Maybe it is something maybe it is nothing but either way, to you, her behaviour isn't acceptable and should not be acceptable to anyone. Let her be someone else's problem and find someone that's your solution.
CeremonyTree 5y ago
I know bro. Sorry lol got a bit passionate.
seedster5 5y ago
it's all good. Just keep us updated on whatever happens.
CeremonyTree 5y ago
Sounds good!
ilovevidya 5y ago
Hard next is the only right answer. Back in my blue pill days I had this exact thing happen to me. Turned out she was sending half naked pictures to about ten other guys but deleting it afterwards every time. Of course when I go out she's reinstalling it again.
I was bluepill and my hamster was running circles like yours is now. She was gaslighting me to which didn't help, so I stayed with her. One month later she breaks up with me and reveals she's already fucked another guy. Don't let it get to that stage, put your foot down now.
The only option is next, you are the prize why are you wasting valuable time with some thot.
CeremonyTree 5y ago
You're right. Thanks.
[deleted] 5y ago
Not sketchy. OBVIOUS! Dont be shocked if you find out later that she's been looking for alternative excitement.
That is if you stay around to find out.
KznRob 5y ago
YUGE RED FLAG
Bedtimeshine 5y ago
If you date a girl that is on Snapchat you’re a pedo
-Vapors 5y ago
Found the boomer.
CeremonyTree 5y ago
Every woman I know is addicted to this crack.
[deleted] 5y ago
[deleted]
Kenny_Twenty 5y ago
lol you snowflake
Bedtimeshine 5y ago
I have a masters degree... I went the white collar route after grad school and it was soul numbing. I have a white collarish leadership position in a blue collar field now. I get to work somewhat independently and I like it. I make 63k a year not counting overtime. I have 79k in retirement funds. And 33k in savings/investments. I’ve paid off 80% of my student loans and both my vehicles were bought outright. I think I’m good.
[deleted]
Winterfuzz 5y ago
Why you on TRP then if your life is so perfect, anything that spills out of your mouth is negative and doesn’t contribute.
Bedtimeshine 5y ago
OP says his girl is being shady on social media.. I’m saying stay away from social media, live a real life, and don’t commit to girls who use social media a lot. Best advice he will ever get.
[deleted]
wheresMYsteakAt 5y ago
But you bought a Ford...
Bedtimeshine 5y ago
Yeh... Raptor... chump change. So is my A3, it’s used. Trailer park shit
wheresMYsteakAt 5y ago
Sweet, you should at a Genesis to your list and you'll be all set :p
Bedtimeshine 5y ago
Na one of the cars I traded in was a Hyundai, but I guess I’ll keep that in mind.
Winterfuzz 5y ago
You must be old as fuck
Bedtimeshine 5y ago
Just turned 35. I work hard and work out. My time goes to improving my career, my bank account, and my body. Never been On social media, never will, never needed it. Neither do you. Ive fucked 3-5 woman a year since I was 16 and it was done like a man... Walking up to her in person. You spend your time on social media...youre feminine little boy. Period.
[deleted] 5y ago
[deleted]
Bedtimeshine 5y ago
Yeh for the last 17 or so years. Ain’t magic Johnson numbers but Its the truth.
pilljourney 5y ago
Cool, dude. No justification for your claim that you're a pedophile if you're dating a girl on Snapchat (even though you know damn well girls your own age are on it, and basically every girl throughout her 20s)?
Bedtimeshine 5y ago
If she’s on Snapchat, she’s 15.
pilljourney 5y ago
Mmkay.
Winterfuzz 5y ago
You seem to be insecure, which is why you’re telling me all these things that I never asked, and trying to prove yourself to me. Snapchat is a mode of communication in which almost every girl uses. Upgrade.
Bedtimeshine 5y ago
If I was insecure I’d be chasing attention on social media. Let her use Snapchat. No one saying you shouldn’t.
Winterfuzz 5y ago
Isn’t that what you’re doing right now? Reddit is a social media site.
Bedtimeshine 5y ago
You can’t compare Reddit to fucking snapchat or instagram. It’s like calling the f-150 forum i went on last week, to figure out to replace my fuel pump drive module, social media.
Vrixithalis 5y ago
How do you know reddit is nothing like snapchat or instagram if you've never used them? Fucking liar. Get your story straight.
Bedtimeshine 5y ago
Haha you got me... I must be mistaken. All along snapchat and instagram was a forum and not a platform for seeking attention through selfies and likes. You called me out.