I've stopped gaming, using social media for anything unneeded, reduced YouTube. But I'm still weak, because I'm turning to masturbation whenever I'm upset. I can feel the dopamine hit me while I'm searching, and I hate that shit.
I want to feel that thrill when I'm developing something, not while I'm jerking off. It feels like such a waste of time, but it's compulsive now, and a pain in the ass to stop.
What I've noticed when I cut off on social media, youtube and gaming is that my brain is screaming for dopamine. For that sweet thrill of the hunt. But it's screaming at the wrong things. It's not saying "Can't wait to sit down and make that app", "Can't wait to study this subject and get closer to my degree", instead, it's screaming "Find another one to show you her tits on snapchat", "Find a new girl to play with on skype", "Why waste time approaching someone, when we can get off RIGHT NOW".
I don't like those screams. And I'm turning to the TRP community because this is a place where I feel I'll get good, usable advice. I feel like this is the last obstacle within myself that I have to jump over to really proceed to the next level.
How did you give up on your instant gratification activities and get your dopamine levels in control? Is there something I can read and apply to sort myself out?
bulletzdz 5y ago
You need to read up on NoFAP.
Jerking off is one of the fastest ways to become lazy and unproductive.
The best way to get rid of your instant gratification tendencies is to practice discipline.
You practice disciplining yourself. Everyday. Every action. You monitor your own thoughts, and actions.
Use your willpower, nothing else. Everything else you read is some scum trying to sell you shit and rip you off.
You need to hammer it into your head that nothing great comes quick. Tell yourself that you are being a bitch, and a real man would never chase instant gratification.
​
JerryLawlerPigFace 5y ago
I used to compulsively jerk off when anxious, fearful, nervous, angry, you make it. It was my escape (along with sleeping). I went from jerking off at least once per day to porn to currently on a 91 day streak of no porn, and real action from real girls. A total of 13 porn relapses in the last 248 days.
1) you must meditate. The reason you’re escaping from reality and into porn is to run from the uncomfortable emotions within you. Emotions are caused my thoughts. Meditation now only allows you to mute the thoughts, but it creates a gap in the mind streak to allow you to objectively look at the thoughts that do occur, as well as the emotions they cause. Stepping back like this allows you to be less reactive, be less consumed by them, and lessens the feeing of being out of control. Creating and eventually expanding this gap over time by consistence practice can allow you to changed your current thoughts to more rational and reality based ones over time. This is the essence of cognitive behavioral therapy. You are not obligated to negative thoughts. You can mold reality to however you please.
2) you must commit to giving porn and masturbation up forever. This means not tracking your days. I am peripherally away of my streak but it’s more so out of curiosity. What does a streak matter if you’re giving it up for good? What does one relapse mean in the grand scheme of things if you’re giving it up for good? Is right back on the horse. Back on the horse. Back on the horse. Over and over and over. I have cured my ED by executing this gameplan. The streak mentality creates unneeded psychological stress, to essentially “make it to the finish line” But there is no finish line. This is giving up a habit for good. Unless you’re truly not serious about it, then at 90 days when you reach that proverbial finish line, then what? Back to porn? No way.
3.) Each relapse back to porn must be taken as an opportunity to learn. This is a tremendous chance at seeing what the triggers were that caused your relapse. Take notes, observe where you got lazy and undisciplined. Avoid those triggers moving forward. Refine your approach and your technique each day.
4) you need a routine. Set goals, and then plan a daily routine, that factors out porn/jerking off. The routine should have you taking actions that are pushing you to your goals a little at a time. The routine will allow you to essentially run on autopilot and avoid triggers like laziness, boredom, feeling tired, etc. Factor good habits into your routine like the gym, reading, meditating, journaling, etc.
After a while your brain will forgot about porn, and the habit of jerking off altogether.
I hope this helps. Good luck man.
chazthundergut 5y ago
Your brain will kick and buck from the withdrawal. But here's what you do: stop anyways
It takes time for your brain to adapt. Until then, hold the line.
Good luck dude
moneymakingmiguel 5y ago
Oh yeah, the primitive part of the brain is screaming for that dopamine hit. I find ways to justify the activity that surprise me every time.
demalteb 5y ago
Mindfulness, meditation, and tantric self-love rituals helped a lot. Also, running away far and fast from destructive ideologies such as redpill, mgtow, nlp, pua stuff.
aussiex3 5y ago
You are overthinking all of this. Have some self control. From this moment on tell yourself you will no longer be controlled by impulse.
Great men have overcome impulse control since the beginning of time, long before we ‘understood’ neurotransmitters and dopamine.
Grow up and have some fucking self control. If you can’t control you’re own impulses you don’t deserve to call yourself a man or the respect that comes with it.
Edit: You sound bored. Find your mission and stop chasing tail over social media. Women flock to great men, become one.
AlfredKinsey 5y ago
This really is what it boils down to. You can complain about your brain chemistry all day, but guiding yourself is going to get you there faster than navel gazing and masturbating.
moneymakingmiguel 5y ago
I am very bored indeed. How did you figure that out?
aussiex3 5y ago
Your addiction to masturbation.
Take some time to figure out where and what you would rather be doing with your life and go out and get it. There’s no magic fix just put one foot in front of the other. You’ll get there.
RedKepler 5y ago
Best way I'd handle porn is by blocking it. Go to password settings, and don't even think about what you type, just mash the keyboard and shut your eyes and then make it true.
Leave the city for a week or make sure you do it often and expose yourself to the countryside. Take along friends to make memories with also. People go crazy in cities, even when they're not depending 24/7 on their electrical side-kicks.
Go get a pet maybe. It'll produce a distraction. Ill add more later if you like.
markinsinz7 5y ago
Dude cities are nuts. Everyone looks like they have the life sucked out of them. As for girls holy shitt they make the sluts in suburbs look like saints. Literally all kinds of dick that girl has taken. And maybe they r past their slut phase but they all got atleast 50 on the n count.
emaciated_pecan 5y ago
Upvoted for leave the city. You forget how toxic it is until you’re out and breathing again
demalteb 5y ago
Ummm... "forgot password?"
bluechipmonk 5y ago
Whenever you feel like masturbating, go outside and approach women.
chachaChad 5y ago
Get busy with a mission. If the only thing that excites you is your own dice, that's what you'll focus on in your free time.
IBeMadToo 5y ago
Find your mission brother. For me, that was learning python to develop a model to predict sports results, learning French, exploring Stoicism, building my career, and travelling more. All whilst reducing the things that offer little to no benefit to me personally (eg. porn, masturbation, video games).
I still do some of the 'no benefit' things from time to time, but gone are the days where I'd do them excessively.
Figure out things you are passionate about and pursue them.
purplefidgetmidget 5y ago
I forget the proper term but there is a well known phenomenon that most of the problem of getting motivated to do something is getting started. Like, it's hard to haul your ass to the gym but once you're there you really enjoy it. Even though you remember how much you enjoyed it the second time, you still have trouble going back there.
So you need to recognise that. I'd also advise reading some Jordan Peterson, his 12 Rules For Life, because he talks in depth about fixing your life, and taking the smallest possible step your piece of crap self will actually do. If you're unmotivated to tidy, forcing yourself to do 'just one room' still might not even work, so set the bar lower, make it 'pick up one item and put it away'. Something you can and will realistically do. And build up from there.
Edit: If anyone can tell me the word for it I'd appreciate it, it's really bugging me. I expect it has a wikipedia page for it.
129842 5y ago
“The hardest part of going for a run is putting your shoes on” heard this my whole life from my father who heard it from his rugby coach. Definitely true for me
Rear-Naked-Artichoke 5y ago
Pretty much describes me.
So I'm also interested in finding out what that word is, it might make it slightly easier to find extra advice.
theromanshcheezit 5y ago
It’s called the Zeigarnik Effect.
TrenGod37 5y ago
This right here. My routine for getting to the gym when I don’t want to is telling myself. “Go and just do one set. And if you still want to leave you can leave. Funny enough. I never leave once I’m there.
Along with what Op said. Make a list of goals for the day. WRITE THEM DOWN. and cross them off ass you go. It’s as little as “make bed”. Once you start crossing them off you’ll feel a sense of accomplishment which will keep you going.
Hamster_S_Thompson 5y ago
Take it one step further. If you are laying in front of tv and don't feel like going to the gym, just put your workout clothes on, then shoes, etc.
The idea is to find the smallest possible step you can take to move you towards your goal and take it then the next, etc.
I got it from How to fail at almost everything... book by Scott adams
AlfredKinsey 5y ago
I'll add the modesty bit to the daily goals. About two years ago, I was frustrated that I wouldn't always end my day with the to-do list completed. I decided to give myself a maximum of four important items to write on the to-do list. That's a little less than half of the 10+ that would usually end up on my list by the end of the day. I haven't had a problem completing a to-do list since implementing this limit.
SpiderAlpha33 5y ago
That's a good point you made. I often have to drag myself to the gym every morning but once I get through those initial sets , nothing stops me. Even if I don't feel too good , I make sure I do the minimum instead of skipping my workout completely.
Peter_B_Long 5y ago
I remember when I started lifting years ago I'd tell myself to just drive to the gym. At least make it to the parking lot. That was my minimum. I went home 0% of the time.
OfficerWade 5y ago
“I never leave once I’m there.”
Some say he still there...
throwawayflatwhite 5y ago
This does really work. But in case you actually decided to leave the gym (ex. not feeling well after 1 or 2 sets in) you have to make sure you have forgiven yourself for it and are not angry at yourself.
iukenbo 5y ago
Weird cos I also do this. Whenever I don’t feel like going to the gym, I tell myself I’d just lift 50% of my max then when I’m there, I haul my ass off till I can’t lift no more. So this really does work then, huh.
[deleted] 5y ago
[deleted]
zdisco93 5y ago
thank you everyone here is talking about lifting weights and you are the one here closest to giving solutions to the main problem
Taco_Truck_Aficionad 5y ago
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avolition
purplefidgetmidget 5y ago
Ooh, nice. Didn't realise there was a technical term like this. I originally read it as an informal 'xxx effect' which was quite apt but I think that definition is lost to google now. Thanks.
arr-au 5y ago
Wow.... I totally get this. goddamn omegle has completely crippled my system - goes to show that whenever I've quit it for months on end I've gotten a girlfriend, albeit only twice.
It's just too easy to go on there, find a hot girl, watch her get off to you and show her body. But it's no fucking different than porn. The worst part is it's even harder to quit when I know I've had offers from omegle girls to fuck if they ever came to my city - still no better than prostitution, I didn't seduce these women in real life, they're just sluts.
Take away an outlet, and if the pressure builds too high it'll bust open a new outlet. The principle of nofap - and for us uncommon ones, no-eGirls. What I've done to try to break association is I've recently moved into a house and declared no masturbation will happen in this new house. I'll fuck a girl or not jerk it at all.
redrogue12 5y ago
You've gotten some excellent advice on this thread OP. Also you can check out r/nonzeroday
This is the post that inspired that sub: https://www.reddit.com/r/NonZeroDay/wiki/the_four_pillars
WoodenToe 5y ago
whenever you feel the urge, meditate for 10 minutes
namethisbooty 5y ago
Heroin
wataDs 5y ago
Reassure yourself continually while being productive that your time could not be better used in that moment. Get engrossed in the activity by clearing your mind if the past and future (mindful meditation). Remove easy access to these dopamine bumps. Disconnect and put your power cables in another room. Put your phone on battery saving mode. Stay out of the house. The 5 second method (counting down from 5 and starting a task when you reach number 1) When youre struggling to begin a task, clear your mind, tap power button, force your feet to move one step at a time to the task starting point.
LMonkInfo 5y ago
If you're addicted to something it means that you aren't satisfying the need of the addiction elsewhere. If you're addicted to masturbating then you're not getting action.
If it's more like an impulse when bored, then you need to stop being bored. Make a schedule that keeps you out of the house every waking hour if you have to. There shouldn't be any such thing as free time.
bannedfromWTFmod 5y ago
What if you are getting action and still are addicted to masturbation?
moneymakingmiguel 5y ago
I ain't getting action, that's the way I justify the addiction in weak moments. How do you justify yours?
LMonkInfo 5y ago
See the second paragraph. You're doing it out of boredom/lack of activity taking your attention I reckon. Work, sleep, exercise, socialise, education. Try to leave no time to be left to wasteful crap like masturbating and it should at least cut it right down.
thebadmanpuntdbaxter 5y ago
For starters, using social media at all is not needed. It’s a vice
WolfofAllStreetz 5y ago
Percocet and testosterone.
HealthInspector0331 5y ago
I still play video games, I quit my drug habits though.
To be honest I'm not the best example of who to walk with, but I do what I do and I don't give a fuck.
Gaming is my vice, I recognize and accept that. There's a certaim honor in playing the toughest video games out there (Ninja Gaiden 2 on Master Ninja) and enduring the onslaught. It speaks volumes about the individual concerning their will, and composure.
But besides gaming, exercise and meditation are a good physical and mental stimuls. I DJ weekends at my local nightclubs and make music and have had releases on Bassweight and Noiseclash, so I tend to produce and create when I'm not being interactive with video games.
Not sure what the point of this comment is.. Carry on.
moneymakingmiguel 5y ago
I don't agree that taking a honor in completing a game on a certain difficulty is by any standards a good thing. Games are like porn, very cleverly designed to get that feeling of accomplishment in us.
I played CS 1.6 competitively and I can now say that the feeling of accomplishment is fake, and outside of that game, unusable. Same goes with CSGO and their ranks. The game makes you feel good when you grind out to a new rank, to have the top score. But it's all fake and the idea behind it is to waste your time and/or money.
HealthInspector0331 5y ago
Not all games are created equal, there are games like Infinifactory and Shenzen I/O that are designed to improve Critical Thinking skills.
I don't agree that that feeling of accomplishment is fake because it is a skill you developed as a Counter Strike player, it may not translate to the "real" world but that doesn't matter because you spent the time in ejoyment.
Now you look back and see it as a waste of time because there are other vices you've come to value more, like girls, working out or money etc. Value is subjective and enjoyment is eteranl, memories are infinite.
You may not value video games anymore and that's totally cool, but I do. Even if it is "fake" I've come to accept that and take it for what it is.
I regret that we disagree here.
moneymakingmiguel 5y ago
I'm all down to discuss this aspect of gaming. I to look back now and think of all the good times when I made my friends angry whenever I stomped them in CS games. And that has been 5-6 years ago, and we still sometimes talk about those times.
I love that aspect of games, but objectively, really grinding hour after hour of gaming for the sake of being better at a game is kinda too much for me, especially now, when I, as you say, value other things more.
I may just be growing up, or whatever it is, I sometimes miss it. I miss getting my mates together and just playing 3v3 till we can barely sit, and then see each other in high school a few hours later. Those were good times.
So I get your perspective completely.
Peter_B_Long 5y ago
In a situation like this, it's best to cold turkey it. Just give it up completely. Delete Snapchat & Skype for a few weeks.
I have a bad habit of binge smoking e-cigarettes. I can not for the life of me just smoke them moderately or just take a few puffs here and there. If I buy one, it pretty much won't leave my hand until it's done. It makes me want to do things that I can only do if I'm able to smoke like sit in my room and watch Netflix. A few days of being off it completely, I'm able to finally build my drive back and start finding joy and satisfaction in the little accomplishments.
itoshirt 5y ago
Something that helps me is when successful people mention that getting up to do something never gets easier. Joe Rogan is good at explaining that leaving for the gym is never something he wants to do, he just recognizes that its the only way, it’s not an option. If you want a great life, that is.
I’m in the same boat as you. It’s rough to go up and down, it seems like I drag myself into a hole, then slowly teach myself again that hard choices make things better and get out. Then once I feel better I tear it all down again bc that’s what I’m conditioned to do. Pushing and fighting uphill like this is how it happens though, you take it every day and prune your life until you drop dead.
JamalChic 5y ago
Does gaming really cause high dopamine spikes?
Taco_Truck_Aficionad 5y ago
They purposely design video games to be addicting.
TheNoncaringMurse 5y ago
try r/nofap
redditaccountiuse 5y ago
Maybe diff subject but in terms of general happiness and depression, getting a sun lamp changed my life. Never been depressed since. The world always feels clear, sunny and full of potential. Use it every day.
Melbourne91 5y ago
This helps me.... Do you think the guy in this video jerks off to mindless porn every day?
Fucking helllllll no.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIMauY5laHE
​
I am overcoming this issue too, I find that it's like a bank account. When you have $50 in the bank it's easy to spend $9 here, $15 there, $3 there 10 times etc... But for the man who has $1,000,000 dollars. He looks at that $50 and remembered that once he learned to respect the $50 that he did have, he found that he was able to add more $50's on top until one day he was rich..... What I'm saying is, when you're low on sperm, it feels easy to jerk off because you having nothing to lose. When you are 7 days in like me, you start to value your savings more. I can't imagine what it would feel like being 30 days in, I would never want to let all of that work and progress go. Get my drift? Get off the starting line, save up some savings then you'll reach a point where you've come too far to turn back around.... Then the self respect begins, then the journey and the real test begin, then you become a man. Good luck.
AlfredKinsey 5y ago
I thought the "M" in M-Series stood for masturbation.
doorterblack 5y ago
Cocaine
yumyumgivemesome 5y ago
I, by no means, have mine under control, but I have certainly started to recognize the benefits when I do.
First, you replace those dopamine cravings for instant gratification with discipline (discipline being the mentality that keeps you on task even when the motivation is at a low). I will have a daunting and seemingly impossible task ahead of me, which will cause my every being to want to do something/anything else. But time and time again, after I simply force myself to start working on that task, new possibilities open up in my head and it becomes increasingly less impossible... and ultimately possible. Boom, dopamine kick. Here's the thing, adding up all those instances of instant gratification on reddit/porn/etc. over the course of hours releases way more dopamine than that one boost when my task starts to click. However, the after effects of moving in the right direction in that task persist. Nonetheless, it is a constant battle because the summation of the instant gratification dopamine will always be more than those eureka boosts and after effects. The beauty of those eureka boosts is that they keep supplying that little bit of dopamine without you having to do any redditing/etc. to get it, so long as you start getting used to those lower levels of release.
Second, meditation. Seriously, this has taught me that I really don't need the dopamine kicks as much as I thought. Sit down in a quiet dark room, turn your phone on silent, and set a timer for 15-20 minutes (yes, the phone time will still ring even when the phone is on silent). And just sit there in silence. When I first started meditating, almost every single time I would think to myself that I literally will not be able to sit in silence with myself and just think about anything/nothing. It actually feels like a form of torture at first. Yet, every single time -- even when I first started meditating -- I would end the period amazed at how easy it was and often wanting more time. The epiphany for me is that heavy dread as I first begin to meditate is extremely palpable and yet it always feels so silly in retrospect.
TL;DR - Discipline trains your body to release dopamine in ways that encourage improvements to your life. Meditation trains your body to be comfortable on lower levels of dopamine.
rollston1000 5y ago
First, ignore people that call this aspect of life ‘autistic’. People who are genetically not that sensitive to dopamine will not understand you. Learn to live with it.
Dopamine is a hormone that makes you focus on things that are far from you (in terms of time, distance and other dimensions). It’s not the hormone of happines, it is the hormone of anticipation in case of uncertain situation that might yield interesting rewards.
And because most of the time work is predictable (sit and make that app), dopamine is not fired (the reward will be there in the form of compensation). “Her tits” may or may not be there, that’s the uncertainty.
The key is to understand that it is the anticipation that matters. You are bored because you think that the world around you is predictable or cannot reward you with anything interesting. Cutting out activities that were stimulated by dopamine has left you unmotivated, because you are probably too content.
Since the dopamine profile is genetic, you cannot do much about it (welcome to the club). But there is at least a couple of tricks you could use:
Recommended listenting is http://aom.is/dopamine.
moneymakingmiguel 5y ago
This is good advice, thank you.
unptitdej 5y ago
Interesting answer... Anticipation? Never heard about dopamine being spoken of in this manner. I'll take a look at that podcast.
pridebrah 5y ago
Get into a martial art, /u/moneymakingmiguel. BJJ, muay thai, or boxing. The pursuit of skill is endless, you gain new new social circles, you can compete if you'd like, and all of these things combined mean its pretty damn hard to ever be truly bored. Plus the health, self defense, and confidence benefits are amazing. Not to mention you're tired as fuck at the end of a hard day of training so you'd rather sleep than jerk off.
Also, go approach women and improve your career. Decide what matters most to you and create a mission.
Lightning14 5y ago
I find my days of heavy lifting and/or HIIT leave me sleeping worse than when I don't exercise. Pretty sure the rise in corisol. Is it different with martial arts training?
pridebrah 5y ago
I'm usually knocked out harder from BJJ than lifting. Couple things that can screw with your sleep though:
1) Going to failure or extremely hard. Hover around 70-80% intensity instead and you may notice you sleep better. The days I've gone balls to the wall, I sometimes notice I'm sort of 'wired', restless, or even jittery. I also just had much better gains when i stopped going to failure all the time and this also includes HIIT and even martial arts training. Redlining intensity has a major CNS effect and I've found over 12 years of lifting that I have to do it very sparingly and pick my battles.
2) Working out too late. If I workout past 8pm or so it's going to have an effect on my sleep. I'm not sure if you workout late or not but it's worth mentioning that it has a big impact. I sleep my best when lifting around 1-3pm and going to bed around midnight.
Lightning14 5y ago
This is a solid post that really resonates with me. Thank you for taking the time to elicit such high quality thoughts in a well organized response. Following through on things after they lose the initial newness has always been a struggle.
I've cut a lot of the destructive, addictive tendencies that I used to have. However, now that I have experienced many things in life I find it more difficult to become motivated and/or excited about things. It's like they are no longer worth the hard work anymore. I spent my 20s being a self improvement junkie, and was always looking for that new interest. I developed a wide range of interests and really improved in my game, looks, fitness, social skills, etc.
But in the last couple years in my 30s I don't have the same motivation anymore. Like what is it all for? I'm no longer motivated by chasing tail. Nothing has that same new exciting appeal.
rollston1000 5y ago
The world is boring, is not it. Welcome to the club.
I have come to terms with my personality only recently, it was the most difficult part in my trp/mrp journey so far. There are exactly two things I care about (rising high quality kids & gaining power), and so far I am pretty successful in using them to justify even the most boring activities.
Lightning14 5y ago
That's literally the only thing that I'm looking forward to nowadays. But it seems such a distant goal and requires so much work to get there with the path not obvious that it is difficult to stay the path.
Majestic-firebombing 5y ago
Don't worry about that just focus on winning at everything you do and it comes naturally
un_knownguy 5y ago
NoFap, NoSocial Media, No Movies, NoSeries for 5 months and you'll be good to go
Lambdal7 5y ago
It's called willpower.
Do nofap for a month and you will be much more in control of your dopamine cravings.
moneymakingmiguel 5y ago
A month? I got to a week clean twice in a year. Fuck
greenearth2 5y ago
It's worth it. Fight through it. Pick up a hobby and make that fill up your time. Incentivize yourself to prioritize other goals over PMO. Reward yourself (not with PMO) when you do.
Lambdal7 5y ago
That's your problem.
You need to fet out of the vicious circle. It only takes a month. Go to nofap for support.
vandaalen 5y ago
I am not wasting my time thinking about autistic horseshit like this and rather spend it in the gym, sparring with my friends or lifting my ass off.
Then on the other hand, I am also not looking for quick fixes in my life, so you probably better ignore this.
moneymakingmiguel 5y ago
I didn't mean to sound autistic, it's the millennial generation shinning thru me.