A couple years ago, I was zeroed out. Hard. Would like to think we’ve all been there at one point or another. Still in the process of taking accountability and rebuilding my life.
During this time, I moved in with my main LTR fully knowing what would likely happen. It was either that or homelessness. I’ve improved my station in life massively, and this chick still adds value to my life, has great qualities, but due to a pattern of events I’ll never be able to trust her again, let alone consider her true LTR material. This chick has confessed some awful stuff (be non judgmental and get her comfortable, and see for yourself). The sex is great, but I know im likely not her top option, she’s in her early 30s and is looking for a safe place to land. Have expressed I’m never getting married, but girls always think you’ll change your mind later.
It’s August. People’s leases are ending. Have come to realize staying in this situation is bad for my mental health and frame. Been a while since I lived on my own, but I know I need it. This LTR however, still thinks I’ll be her eventual Beta Bucks and has started looking at new two bedroom places (PRO TIP: if you’re gonna move in with a girl, having separate bedrooms will help a LOT) Not signing a lease with her. Also have a small business with her, which complicates things.
Almost have enough saved for a car, which takes priority over my own place, but will mostly drain my finances.
Here are my options. Remember not to moralize:
1: move in with her, find a way to not sign the lease. Or sign the lease and eat the cost of breaking it. Move into my new place when it’s ready, get my stuff out while she’s at work. Could potentially break the news a few days early, but this could be disastrous. She can afford the place by herself, no need for replacement roommate.
OPTION 2: rent a storage unit, and stay with my other LTR. This one and I get along better, and shes higher quality. Also offered to loan me $1000 to help get me out of the situation, which I’m thinking of accepting. There could be an angle, but genuinely doesn’t seem like there’s strings attached.
Option 3: Bite the bullet, get the car, and my own place all at once. The place I rent will have to be far from ideal and it puts me in a dangerous situation financially. No safety net, but potential opportunity to better myself through the discipline and struggle. Leave the 1st LTR with no closure, an ambiguous “nothing has to change” and slowly detach from her. Maybe keep fucking her, maybe not.
Option 2 strikes me as the most rational with the highest Pro to Con ratio. Interested in hearing what you guys have to say, and any similar stories and lessons. Thanks a lot, TRP saved my life.
MentORPHEUS Senior Endorsed 1d ago
Bro, don't try to branch swing while still keeping your grip on the last branch. That's WOMAN shit! You won't ride the relationship comfortably down to zero either; she will start drama or much worse when she senses the disconnect developing.
Set up a MAP or Male Action Plan, and work your way through it to a place of independence.
Ronaldraygun77 1d ago
Great to have an OG weight in. Perhaps the writing was poor on my part but I just define an LTR as a woman who has earned a good degree of emotional investment. It’s open on my side only, but the 1st one does treat me well but has a history of cheating so it’s an automatic no to me ever giving actual serious commitment or a title. Trying to detach completely in my mind, but living with her and the sex makes it challenging. That’s why I’m getting the fuck out. Definitely learned a lesson here.
Still though, these are the options I have and I have to choose one.
Starting to get the feeling myself of the disconnect, at least on my end. What experience do you have with that happening?
superhitops 1d ago
What kind of pattern? Many man judge woman for doing woman things, like lack of accountability or solipsism. AWALT.
However... If she did serious awful stuff, well, be honest. Tell her you tried, but could not come to trust her and living like that is unfair to both.
Seems you don't respect your own feelings here, even trying to supress that by stating that she adds value and several LTR. Several plates, ok, several LTR, nah. Do not put yourself into more trouble. Imagine if she (or any other) gets pregnant?
Ronaldraygun77 1d ago
Pretty regular dishonesty, one instance of her still sexting some other guy when she was pulling the whole “I belong to you and only you bit. Standard AWALT stuff, but it still disqualifies her. See my comment above for even more info.
The awful stuff was things she did to exs while still in the relationship. Things are okay now, but I respect myself and am not gonna let it happen to me.
Can you elaborate on the not respecting my feelings statement
superhitops 1d ago
Lack of morals is not awalt. There is low value woman out there. Good woman (higher value) exist and are not perfect unicorns, that is the main redpill concept. There is a lot of sidebar missing here.
It seems you are playing with your feelings, lying to yourself and pretending you are taking advantage over the woman when in fact, you may be very well just finding excuses to stay, forcing qualities and not move on. You said you learned your lesson, then, many of those options should never be on the table. It means you did not.
I don't know man, depending on a plate to live is awful. But you do you.
Ronaldraygun77 13h ago
The purpose of AWALT is not exactly “all women are like that”, it’s all women could be like that, so prepare accordingly. True, I should read up on the side bar again. Any part in particular?
The facts are: she pays 80% of the living expenses. Sex is good. Is not only okay with me sleeping with other women, but gets off on it. But living with her is eroding my frame and mental well being. Don’t live with a plate/FWB/whatever long term is the lesson I’ve learned, now I’m trying to correct it.
The original plan of crashing with her for a week or two turned into a year long ordeal. Some good memories, some bad. Just like anything.
superhitops 5h ago
For what it looks like, she is thinking you are in an open "whatever you guys have" for both sides, and while you don't accept that her side is open as well, and probably got upset when you found out, you are still staying. Worse of all, using "awalt" to justify that. Even her reply when caught, it was a reply to placate you.
It is not a loss of frame, it is a lack of frame. She is in total control, and doing a great job to manage you and the business.
So, only option 3. Any other is self deprecating and far more dangerous in all aspects. Imagine a pregnancy.
No-Stress-Cat 23h ago
You have a small business with her and you "almost" have enough to buy a car? Sounds like it's more of a side venture than a full time thing.
Get your own place "As a man, I need my own space. It's a man thing."
Take public transport. Carpool. Ride a bicycle. Walk. Car can wait.
Don't shit where you eat. Don't expect your business to last if you piss her off.
Never live off of a woman. It gives her all the power.
Also, love the username. Shout out to The Garbage Pail Kids!