When you start with a girl, then the whole negging / amused deflection thing works fine. However, it stops working the relationship starts going longer and the stakes get higher, like if children / pregnancy are potentially involved. How do you handle this situation without going beta, assuming that you want an LTR?
For example, let's say she gives you interview questions (because she is insecure obviously) and you deflect, joke about it. She enters the relationship. So far, so good. Ok, now let's say it is 6 months down the road and things are getting more serious (pregnancy is looming or whatever) with this particular girl and she is STILL asking interview questions, but then confronts you about your "avoiding" her, ie by saying things like "You never answer my questions" or "You are always joking, this is serious". So, obviously continuing to play the Chad is not probably going to work anymore at this point, so the question is how to handle it. Some of the options are:
(1) Keep joking and deflecting and let her get more and more angry until she leaves.
(2) Confront her with her own weakness: "It is your own insecurities and desire for control that is causing you to ask these kinds of question."
(3) Confront her with the role reality: ""The reason I don't answer the questions is because they are disrespectful to me and I am the man, so I expect you to follow my lead, not interrogate me."
(4) Make no answer at all and remain silent.
(5) (other?)
Musicgoon78 3w ago
These are comfort tests. All your options are shit. Read up on comfort tests.
Intrepid_Place53900 1 3w ago
( 6 months down the road and its serious, pregnancy is looming, etc)
WTF!
you can't vet a girl for marriage and kids especially, in 6 months. You need to vet (years) for that, if you want kids.
This has to be understood now, otherwise you are in for a lot of pain trying to vet a girl for those type of life decisions in 6 months,etc.
oowiw 4w ago
I thought this was maybe a shitpost until I saw where it’s located.
Why not just answer the questions? Are they unreasonable questions?
“Hon, does your family have any history of heart disease?”
“Shh woman, your job is baby making not question asking”
Am I missing something? The reason I sometimes deflect questions is to create a little mystery or to leave myself room to dip without her knowing where to find me. I wouldn’t do an LTR with someone who I wasn’t willing to answer questions from though. Seems like putting the wrong woman in the wrong role if that’s your feeling.
If the questions are reasonable and you’d answer a friend or family member who asks the same thing, answer them. If they’re unreasonable questions - not because of “roles” but because the answer should be obvious etc, explain to her why. But probably just don’t LTR someone if they’re always asking unreasonable questions.
First-light 3w ago
Tough because basically you are coming up against an impasse. You don't want what she wants. This one won't get better without concession on one side or the other or both. You can kick the can down the road with the avoidance behaviours you listed but these tend to load towards an angry backlash over time (and why wouldn't they, you are not treating her fairly, she has asked and asked and you have told her bullshit).
Number 3 is the closest to being OK but it is very dangerous in today's climate. While she thinks the relationship is worth it, she will accept it but when she gets to the point she no longer does, you get the full angry backlash with the weapon of "abusive sexist pig". This might end badly for you, if there are kids involved -abusive man banned from own house is far from unheard of. Even if he wasn't ever abusive, women are to be believed ...right. Don't give them ammunition.
In the end you have to resolve this as a compromise. Stop pissing her about and cut a deal before she gets too pissed off. "To a large extent love, this is who I am, I am being who I feel happiest being. You would rather I was something different but that is not the man you met. I value you and I can make some compromise but not too much or I am becoming what I am not, I am becoming an actor in your play not my own man. This is what I offer, this is what I will concede if you will concede that". All LTRs involve a degree of what is termed beta behaviour. Long term benefit has to flow to her. Long term benefit is more than the illusion of value in a man who has lot of options, she needs actual value and that means some availability, some commitment. reassure her that she is actually important to you, cite evidence of your devotion but also that you are who you are. She liked it to start and you have not changed.
You seriously can't live a LTR as a blagging Chad constantly fire fighting your woman's anger at being played, it will also crush your soul to be a chained Beta. A deal has to be cut that is fair enough on both sides. If you are sure what you want, I would even get some of the agreement in a text or something that you can bring out to show her she agreed freely to an honest proposal.
Women are sadly quite simple and straight talking negotiation rarely works in LTRs, especially if she is already emotional and naggy. Take her out to dinner and discuss it when she has a course of food inside her, make it a light discussion.
benzino 3w ago
You can't avoid it forever. Plates break eventually.
You can either enter a relationship with her. Or tell her that she's not what you're looking for and hopefully she'll be down for fwb.
What do YOU want? You should be honest, not just with her, but with yourself too. If she's good for LTR then I would give it a shot. As long as you're always willing to walk away and keep your frame/ backup plans, things should be okay
Typo-MAGAshiv 1 3w ago
A) LTRs are measured in years, not months.
B) re: "negging" - you don't know what that is.
C) head to the Married Red Pill Subreddit and read their sidebar. All of it. Also check out Rian Stone's YouTube channel.
D)
That's possibly the most autistic thing I've ever read on here. If you have to tell her to follow, then you aren't worth her following you.
Communicate through actions.
whytehorse2021 3w ago
Those tactics are for shit tests. You shouldn't be getting shit tests after 6 months. If you are, you've lost frame and entered hers. Just be up front and honest. If you want an LTR then say so. If you want to be married and have kids, say so. Then the question is does she want the same thing? Then you vet her for red flags over the course of 2 years. If she doesn't work out, find a new woman.
A lot of the two years that I vetted my wife were just logistical things like where we would live, how many kids to have, what are our gender roles, etc. After our goals were aligned and she complimented my frame, I popped the question. My life improved and I never looked back.