I cannot trust my judgement about people anymore, because it seemed like I had vetted the girl so well and she passed various tests of mine, while simultaneously she was the one chasing me.

I felt like this, same scenario. You have to figure out how to stop something happening or you’re going to be vulnerable. What did I miss? What should I have known?

The truth is not to focus on outcomes. So if I’m talking to you and we’re negotiating and you do something I don’t like, il warn you appropriately or leave. What I’m saying is shits going to happen faster than you can can analyse it but what you can control is how you respond.

Even if you date a girl and there’s some huge dark behaviour going on behind your back. Pay attention to what you can but at some point you’ve got to just do you and trust yourself to deal with it when the time happens because you own your right to respond.

Confidence comes from knowing the beginning and knowing the end. Best thing to do is consider your responses for when it might be the end.

Now, don’t get an axe out and go 10/10 when someone commits a 5/10 just go 6/10.

What I mean by this is figure out what your responses should be for poor behaviour, bad behaviour and completely unacceptable and you’re already ahead of the curve should you have to respond this way.

I’ve been through this, I responded badly and entered a line of business thats felt never ending for financial freedom and since then I’ve just created my own issues from the isolation but because I’m so busy all the time my body never experienced a calming state until now to sit and say to myself:

I need to improve on a couple of things but I’ve got so much going for me compared to everyone else. The one thing I need to improve on is being calm and recognising my emotions when difficult things happen to ensure I make the right decision rather than just doubling down on the grind and trying to fill a hole that doesn’t end the self doubt

Some red pill people will highly dislike this comment

Ofc I’m always going to prioritise certain things in life that are red pill advised but on a foundational level I realised I’m alright as I am, just acknowledge how you feel when you make tough decisions to ensure you stick to the rational

My advice is to re read no more me nice guy

Now I’m not saying that you’re nice or is there any evidence for that but to a deeper level you need to understand you’re ok as you are because like me you’re over accountable compared to the rest of people.

It’s like this, emotional intelligence is great until you excuse poor behaviour for why they did it.

“She did this because I was off by 8%”

I recently saw a video of 2 people fighting in London, England with machetes

Some people said 15 years both of them

Some said that it’s not their fault they’d of been grown up in a deprived area etc. (bollocks ofc)

My point is, stop blaming yourself when you don’t always need to. Make yourself accountable, yes.

Sometimes you just gotta say, I get why you did it, I know why you did it. But you shouldn’t have done it. Obvs don’t say that to them unless you want to but just be aware of that emotional intelligence and realise the accountability you put on them is what makes you a true leader.

In business you can have emotional intelligence to mitigate a good outcome if you think people are snakes, you can still let them be valuable to you and compromise your boundaries because at some point you get to get off.

But in friends and relationships you reap what you sow

Everything you do is a negotiation. I know you know this and I hope this info can help you realise that and let go

I think that love and desire are huge influences on us. It would be an unusual man who said he was really beyond his sense of self being influenced by women. Is anyone really ever immune to falling in love and the transformation of the sense of self that brings with it?

In my case I think general disappointment with love has put me in a position where right now I say I would not replace the present incumbent were she to vacate (and in moments of frustration I have been known to ask her to vacate but I never push it because I feel sorry for her as she has no job or property). I feel like after years of spinning plates (given up now as a waste of energy), supporting women and raising children with them, I would just really like some time to myself, to have the fruits of my own energy. I have given out and given out and the value I have received from women has not come close to equalling the value they have received from me. Briffault's law always applies. So to an extent the pursuit of women is self diminishing in terms of resources -be that financial or time and energy.

I think the above point about Briffault's law is valuable for moving the focus of inner validation away from women. When you embark on a new relationship with someone you really value (not just a plate thing or FWB thing but someone you know you would like to be a real part of your life and probably raise children with, it is a self transforming thing. You feel inspired to reach for better within yourself but this phase is only significant during the first couple of years. After that you will usually end up with a woman's weaknesses to carry in return for some stuff you could do fine for yourself anyway like cooking and cleaning and that's about the best outcome with an honest faithful woman who means her best. If you like the conversation and company of women you will be better off than if you prefer male hobbies and male company.

Long term, there is just no inner validation in women, except looking at your children. Short term there is a thrill and a burst of energy but one can't live on thrills, its not healthy and the continual investment of energy in the pursuit of short term sex is pretty adolescent really. I am sorry to say I can't really offer anything more than the experience of a disappointed man to say how you can separate your inner validation from women.

However one thing I can say that may bring some hope is that the best that comes from women comes when it comes easily. When you get a degree of inner happiness in and of yourself, they always seem to find you and they really want to be with you. Its that thing about women being like buses -nothing comes for ages and then 2 or 3 come almost at once. This almost always happen when you stop feeling lonely and start feeling good inside, then its like you become a pussy magnet in a way that all the "game" in the world can't fake. There is none of this bullshit frame holding -your happy life is the frame.

This reflects the sad truth of women -when you are winning they are your great cheerleaders (that's nice but who actually needed a cheerleader when he was happy and clearly winning). When you are unhappy and losing and actually would hugely benefit from their moral support, they regret picking a loser. So strangely, the more you can shift your inner validation away from them, the better you will get from them and they will find you, almost no effort required. (No need even to act like a jerk like so many red pill guys practise so as to appear not to need the women they desperately pursue). So prioritise finding what makes you happy and satisfied and put women on a back burner. All this chasing women, usually only results in finding the trashy ones who seek to be found anyway.

Well, Koh Samui is the world capitol of kickboxing. The world's greatest go there to train. It may be all commercialized now though... Anyway, if you're set financially and have to leave due to visas, I recommend Bali. Hit the gang(alley) Poppies and Kuta beach. I know a great guesthouse if you need and every restaurant there.