So this happened last year, before I had any knowledge of TRP. Just remembered and want to learn from it.
Went out with my LTR at the time, let's call her C. We had been "officially" together ~3 months, plus 4 before that just going out and fucking. We're out with some friends at a bar, and as soon as we go in, she pulls a girl friend into the bathroom. They both walk out and go right past our table, say nothing, and sit outside with another group of people. That's odd, but I shrug it off. The other girl comes back and tells me the people outside are C's ex-BF's friends and she wanted to say hi. 15 mins later C comes back and sits with us.
Some time later, in comes a tall, good looking guy. C just stands up and goes right to him, gives him a hug and they sit at the bar and start chatting. Again, this was back in my pre-RP days, so I did nothing about it and "shrugged it off" (even though it wasn't cool, but I acted like it was).
~15 mins of chatting with him 1 on 1 and she comes back and offers that he's another friend she wanted to catch up with.
Some days later she casually mentions that guy was actually not a friend, but her ex. I didn't know much about the guy (hadn't asked), but later found out he was not only tall and good looking, but quite wealthy too... took her on trips all the time (I, on the other hand, was struggling financially at the time, so there's that). They were together 4 years and "mutually ended it", although apparently the guy had a new GF soon after. Women's trickle truth being what it is, I suspect he left her.
C broke up with me a couple of months later, gave me no reasons. She had a new (tall) guy soon after (hypergamy in action), which led me to find TRP a few months back.
Now, in my quest for knowledge, I'd like to get your opinion on how to best handle a situation like that (aka in how many ways I fucked up). I know now how disrespectful it was of her to steal time from me to hang with her ex, her not say anything, me not getting introduced, and even her lying about him "being a friend".
Any input would be greatly appreciated.
Pook_in_training 11y ago
As many have said here, your relationship was fucked from the start.
As for your girl, as soon as she engaged in a conversation with a male at an area away from you, when you offered your time with her, you should have told her to find her own way to her house, and picked up a number on your way out.
Remember, men control the gateway to a relationship. If you aren't getting what you want from the relationship, move the fuck on.
insaneyoshi 11y ago
I hear you. Oh how I loathe the old blue pill ways. But now I know.
[deleted] 11y ago
I can't count the number of times I've asked my martial arts sifu "what would you do in this situation" and he replies "I would not be in that situation."
The incident was not the problem, it was just the visible expression of the deeper problem, which is that you did not ever have this girl's respect or loyalty.
redpillschool Admin 11y ago
Well said. I get a lot of relationship questions on how to save a marriage.. and I think, well the best way to fix this is to avoid it happening... not sure you can fix it now!
kidheartless 11y ago
Truth. At this point it was already pretty far gone, the key here is preventing ending up in that situation again.
insaneyoshi 11y ago
Wise words. Trying to learn how to not get there in the first place since I found TRP.
fuckyoueralla 11y ago
This relationship was lost long before that incident. She probably lost attraction to you and started looking for other guys while having you as long as she didn't find one.
She has seen the guy(s) outside and decided to pretty up on the bathroom and get ready to flirt with him. You were irrelevant to her at that point.
Can't say much about your relationship, your status or whatever, but what I can say is that this girl was a bitch. You're not providing enough information for us to give you tips for improvement.
All I can say is that you should've detected red flags earlier and maybe broke it off earlier. Don't be so spineless.
Look at this:
cringe
insaneyoshi 11y ago
Like I said, pre-RP days. Lots of mistakes and beta behavior. No way I would let that happen now that I know what I know, I would've walked out right there.
Since RP I've acquired a spine (lol), don't take any shit, started lifting and reading up on RP theory. Trust me, I cringed while writing it as well.
In any case, thanks for the feedback.
mrust 11y ago
I think it happens a bit quick, but I would go with:
"Friend of yours?"
"Cool. Introduce me."
"How do you know each other?" (To the guy)
This is purely to get more information about the dynamics of the situation. Does she lie? Does she hesitate? Who does she introduce to who first? How does the guy respond to the last question? Does he look at her before responding?
This is better done in the second part (where the guy approached the two of you to hug her) rather than going up to a table.. You've got the power position at that stage.
I think in retrospect it's easy to say: You shouldn't be in this situation. She did lose respect for you. You should have left her earlier.
I'd like to tackle the problem along a different line: You were too passive and accepting and tolerant of her poor behavior. Put her on the spot and see how she reacts. Then you will know what level of escalation is apropriate.
insaneyoshi 11y ago
This is the type of advice I came here looking for. Thank you! Can't believe how easy it is thinking about it from this perspective. Will definitely keep it in mind as a go-to response.
As for your 2nd part, I agree completely. That was beyond hope already. That is something I've realized since finding TRP. Were this to happen all over again, I'd have sent her packing the moment she started pressuring for commitment, since that is precisely when I could "feel" the dynamic changing and her attraction being lost. No more of this BS for me.
McMurphyCrazy 11y ago
You sitting back, relaxing while she chats it up with these people isn't that bad. What were you supposed to do, go challenge the guy you've never met to a fight for her love? Fuck a bunch of that for any bitch. If it was my girl gone that long I'd be making other plans with friends to meet up elsewhere without her or chatting up girls nearby. No passive aggressiveness needed, just tell her "well looks like you're far too busy for me, so I'm gonna go have some fun"
Laughing_Jelly_Bean 11y ago
I agree.
The only thing he could have done in the moment was entertain himself. Get another drink from the bar. Walk around the bar looking at the decor, talking to people, watch the game, play pool. Or even take a walk around the block.
Or he could have stayed at the table and checked his phone. Anything besides waiting for her to return.
insaneyoshi 11y ago
Of course, "fighting it out for her honor" wasn't something I considered. I was beta, but not by THAT much.
However, I did get that gut feeling of it not being cool, I just tried to play it off as if it was cool with me. I should have gone someplace else or started flirting with another girl, no doubt about that now. Although her disrespecting me like that in the first place is why I asked here. I know how to react, but avoiding getting to that place is what I want to get your opinion on.
Thanks!
McMurphyCrazy 11y ago
Well, avoiding that situation is a bit tougher...I mean unless the chick has just constantly thrown up red flags every time you go out in public with her where she leaves you for extended periods and doesn't introduce you...I guess I would say to just kind of have a back up plan for social situations, like I said to hit up other friends or chat up some ladies.
You just kind of have to have the mindset of taking in things as they happen and being able to react. Be fluid like water, always changing when things around you change. Just because you thought things would go one way doesn't mean you can just stick to plan A if the situation changes ya know.
insaneyoshi 11y ago
I admit, it caught me off guard. It had not happened before, so I defaulted to not giving it much attention, and continued chatting with my friends. I agree about the fluidity and backup plan, but still want to get some advice on what the best way to handle this would be. I know now my ignoring it didn't work.
Peoria3 11y ago
Didn't any of your buddies raise an eyebrow and say WTF? Or was it very late in a very crowded place where they wouldn't necessarily have noticed what was transpiring?
insaneyoshi 11y ago
Honestly, it happened somewhat fast and was over before we realized. Me and my guy friends kept chatting normally while the women did their thing, until around 10 mins when we started wondering why C was taking so long chatting with the dude at the bar.
In any case, those beta days are in the past. My guy friends have also come to know RP (I made sure to pass it along), so not only are we more aware than back then, we also make sure to stop the others from acting like a bitch.
work-the-balls 11y ago
I'm sorry you were hurt by her, I think we should call her c for cunt.
So let's think.
When you got that c what do you think she was attracted to in you? When she was disrespecting you how had you been treating her?
I think the answers you're looking for are wrapped up in the answers to those two questions.
By the time you got to the point where she was acting like that in front of you, she had probably been 'internally' broken up with you for weeks.
The situation called for nukes by the time she got back from her 'friend' you should have another girl laughing and flirting with you.
Good luck
insaneyoshi 11y ago
Agreed. Like I said, this was before RP. Lots of mistakes I cringe about thinking back on those days. I do know that before we started "officially", she was quite attracted to me. I approached her aggressively, we fucked on the 3rd time out, she mentioned having been "fascinated and intimidated" by me, and kept asking about other girls she saw flirting with me (I was running dread game without knowing it, lol).
I eventually caved in when she pressured me to be exclusive (should have walked out right there), ran into monetary problems, hadn't begun lifting... lots of things long since addressed.
Learned a lot from that fiasco, led me here to this well of knowledge.
Thanks!