tl/dr: recently found out wife fucked two guys two years before we were married. Now have 2 kids.

This happened 10 years ago. I recently found out the truth as I had some idea of what happened before - she had made out with one guy, but that was it. I relucantly accepted the story and moved on, engaged, married, had kids, etc., because I didn't want to rake someone over the coals for kissing, even though it hurt.

I never truly believed the story but I had no way to prove it. Until recently, I noticed she had searched for him on FB and then I hatched a plan to pretend that I had talked to the other guy and learned the truth. The trap was set, and she fell in. Immediately, she confessed to having sex. I asked her if there was more to it, or other guys, which she said no. Days later, it came out (after a lot of pressing) that there was actually two guys, that there had been some dinners, chatting, etc., all behind my back. I still don't know if I have the full truth, but I suspect not even though she claims otherwise. I had no idea. She concealed this from me for all these years to 'protect me', but we both know she did it to ensure that I stuck around. Meanwhile, all my friends and close family members knew what had happened.

She claimed it was not cheating. She also claimed that she never intented to have sex, but that she was peer-pressured both times (bit of hamstering going on I think). Meanwhile, she had setup alibis for both times and clearly had some idea of what was going to happen.

Later, she admitted to it being cheating, and apologized for lying to me (but it took me explaining the definition of cheating for it happen, I think she was just in denial...). But she does not apologize for the actual physical cheating - the sex or emotional buildup. Just the lying and for hurting me. She says it made her realize what we had and brought us closer together, which is of course true because I had no fucking clue what happened.

I don't really know how to take all this. On one hand, it happened almost 10 years ago and we've built a life together, and we were pretty happy. On the other, I hate cheaters and I hate the lying and manipulation she did to me. I also don't like that I had to coax the truth out of her, and she's made me feel like what happened doesn't matter, that it wasn't cheating, etc.

Fast-forward to today. I have been extremely angry and distant. I stumbled on TRP and immediately identified with a lot of things - feelings I've had for years, beliefs I shared, but more importantly, I started to make connections with the power/relationship struggle that I'm having right now.

I've realized I've been living the beta life for years since this happened, and now it's awoken the inner alpha. I've always thought like an alpha but acted like a beta, to support her, and give her what she wants. But now I have stopped caring for her. Started looking at outside options. Distanced myself, told her I am angry and not happy with her or the lying/manipulation/etc., and she has stepped up her game I believe in response (dread).

I am an angry son of a bitch, I know this. I also don't react well to people who fuck with me. Is there any hope?