Hey guys,
I’m 24 years old, been dating a 22 years old for the last 5 months (exclusive for the last 3).
She’s pretty, feminine, non drinker/smoker, no social media, good relationship with her family, never curse or shout, virgin before me (said it, acted like she is, bled in the first time so, not doubting that), petite and submissive to me in almost every way, “you choose what you want to do and I’ll come with” is just one sentence she said out of nowhere.
Problem is, she doesn’t want to give blowjobs, she was reluctant from the beginning about it, when I asked what’s the problem she can’t really explain anything besides “it doesn’t feel good/right/idk”.
She tries pleasing me in other ways, outside of bed and on it, PIV is still very painful for her (she’s a tiny girl) and last night I fucked her until she almost cried and then some more, she makes an effort for me.
Closest thing to BJ was when we spoke about it again yesterday, I told her that it is important for me, that she has to try it and then we’ll see afterwards what we’re gonna do about it.
She asked if it’s ok if she will try with a condom on, she did for about 30 seconds and then again just back to “doesn’t feel good/right/idk”.
I’m trying to decide with myself now if it’s a dealbreaker for me, I don’t wanna go a year or two or ten without blowjobs, yet she ticks many many LTR boxes.
Any advice on how to proceed?
lazydogg9 5y ago
From your post and replies to comments, seems like you love your relationship with this chick, don't care where it is gonna take you, have no problem defending lack of bjs, then why the fuck have you created this post in the first place?
throwawa6ksjdbendkfo 5y ago
Stay with her. It sounds like your afraid to plate spin.
Just know this isnt just gonna be about blowjobs.
Its gonna bleed over into your life together and multiply like a cancer.
No Blowjobs = less frequent fucking = occassional fucking = only special ovcassion and when she wants to reward you fucking = no fucking and handjobs only = less frequent handjobs = the occassional handjob = the rare handjob out of pity = the handjob as a reward for being a good house husband.
Good luck with that.
Myspam332 5y ago
I don’t want plates, that’s just not me.
I’m not gonna let her turn sex to a reward, I will not stay in a relationship where that is the case.
Right now it’s only about blowjobs, she tries to please me in many other ways and I can see the effort she’s making, that’s the only reason I’m still with her.
throwawa6ksjdbendkfo 5y ago
In the words of hitch and rollo tomasi "you is a very fluid concept". But okay
Myspam332 5y ago
I had my time with plates, I know I’m only 24 but I just don’t enjoy having more than one girl.
throwawa6ksjdbendkfo 5y ago
Thats cause your doing it wrong.
Your putting too much effort and giving to many fucks about pointleds stuff. Good plates spin themselves.
Your clinging to this meh relationship cause your in a scarcity mindset and you feel that you will "never find a girl as good as her". Except this perfect girl wont even suck your dick, let alone do it often and well & she is a virgin who doesn't have good sex as yourself have subtle communicated. This is all in the rational male bro.
Shes gonna pick up on this scarcity mindset and loose all her competition anxiety and thus branch swing to a better guy. Whos dick she will happily suck and swallow without being asked because "it feels right"...
If your too "moral" to spin plates or cheat then id reccomend some good dread game. Also get some more time demanding hobbies. Your giving her too much comfort and not enough tingles. Clearly you didnt spin plates properly and are not ready for a LTR imo...and rollo tomasi, according to his book, which you should read... Rational male... In the sidebar...or dont read it.
Idc tbh...either way ill still get laid. Im a 6ft 20 year old italian guy who is taking the advice of rollo and this community. Im not telling you cause i wanna brag im telling you because when your girl inevitability branch swings itll be to a guy like me, hell it may even be me...that would be super awkward...not trying to piss you off or be a douche. Im trying to wake you up, get you painfully sober and open your eyes...
"Why do my eyes hurt?" "Its cause you've never used them before"
Myspam332 5y ago
You don’t know what I did.
I’m not clinging to a meh relationship, I’m simply not dumping a good potential LTR for an issue that may be resolved in a week or two.
Outside of bed everything is great, good sex going to take some time, she had sex for the first time 2 months ago, she kissed a guy for the first time 4 months ago.
She won’t pick up on scarcity mindset because she knows me well enough to know I can get other girls every single night.
I’m not too “Moral” I simply don’t like or enjoy plates, I want to get married, I want to raise a family and have kids before I’m thirty, that’s just what I want.
You made too many assumptions about who I am and my situation, you blindly follow Rollo and this community and that’s ok, for you, for now, even though you should not blindly follow anyone, people are different from each other, what makes you and Rollo happy May be a miserable life for me and vice versa. Not all girls “inevitably branch swing” not all guys want to fuck 3 girls a week...
Btw Idk why the fact you’re 6ft and Italian have anything to do with what you wrote, how about you also let us all know how big is your dick, “not to brag” ok...
throwawa6ksjdbendkfo 5y ago
Lol? since you brought up my dick, just ask your girl. She knows ;) ....nah goofing aside yeah okay sounds fine. Your life has no bearing on my life so do you. No need to be defensive. Im sure someone else will say some bluepill thing like "give her time", "make her feel comfortable" or my personal favourite: "go down on her first"...and that will do the trick for you, since its what you wanted to hear in the first place. Inaction and comfort are easier to digest then bitter reality and uncomfortable truths.
But dont waste your time on the redpill forum if your looking for generic advice....also.... a 6ft Italian guy is undoubtedly a higher SMV than a pakastani midget due to biology and unfortune (and slightly racist) subtextual social systems. I was giving you a frame of reference for whom you were speaking with.
You can continue to be a grumpy crybaby and get mad at me for "assuming" what is clearly painfully obvious, which is that youve never properly spun plates (if truly at all) for long enough to know that your even ready to consider not spinning plates...so....you can be triggered about my words..OR you can take what im saying to you with an unbiased open mind and truly consider if you are making the decisions or if its a deep rooted fear of being (and thus dying) alone..which as a fear is a myth..but regardless still a fear of many.
Like i said though choice is yours. Both options are equally valid for there own reasons. It depends what you value more. No shame in doing either. Just regret one way or the other. Regret of loosing "the one" or of "never having lived". It depends which you subscribe to. As for me?...I dont believe in unicorns or soul mates.
BornOnMay3rd 5y ago
It isn't a question of whether she is attracted to you, she goes through painful PIV for you. She has some preconceived notion of sucking dick in her psyche that just screams NO DICK IN MOUTH. No amount of talking is going to fix that. Couple of things you can do. Watch tons of amateur porn together. Disguise it as turning up the heat before sex or something, just don't make it obvious it's about blowjobs. She will take notice of how frequent blowjobs are a part of the sexual process and the idea will ease into her mind. Once she is comfortable with that, you will see signs of her thinking about it. Maybe she stares at your dick for a little longer than usual during sex or you can see her gesturing and stopping herself and that is when you reward her by trying flavoured condoms or lube. Her brain will literally link blowjobs with dessert. So you get your blowjob and it is the best blowjob because she has been learning while watching porn with you. She now becomes the perfect girl and you lock in your choice of companion. Happy ending.
And then you come back a couple of months later with a post about how you caught her sucking some other guy off and it hurts because you put in all that effort to get her into dick sucking but here is a guy reaping the benefits of your hard labour. Maybe she said "It is just sucking dick, no PIV y'know.". Funny. There is something about being a girl's first sexual encounter. Once you introduce them to the world of sex, they realize the power and options they have. So in conclusion, this is kind of a double barrel-ed advice. She might be the perfect girl but know that it is just your turn.
Myspam332 5y ago
Porn is a good idea, but I think it would be a bit too much for her, she’s too shy to even say “condom”...
Flavored condoms is something I did not think about and could help.
Just my turn yeah, but the best option is to just keep working on myself and make sure I’m the best option she got, if she leaves than so be it.
I may have introduced her to sex but I’m not showing her the power of it, I’m keeping her very submissive and I’m planning to keep doing that as long as the relationship is ongoing, she may realize it has power over other guys but not over me...
BornOnMay3rd 5y ago
Great answer.
CaptDeadlift 5y ago
Even if you're the best option she is quite likely to cheat/leave you for another guy because he's something new.
She gets bored of you and literally any average guy will do.
Best girls to LTR imo are the ones with 2-3 notches ( some experience but not used).
Kommanderdude 5y ago
Lmao. 5 months isn’t a ltr.
Myspam332 5y ago
Yeah, that’s so funny...
Aptote 5y ago
she isn't tinier than the 4'9" asian one that i have, so it's not that.
if she wants to pleasure you (and she most certainly should), she will have to learn
mine was terrible at blowjobs (although not adverse to performing them), she has a small mouth, slowly at first. now she is much better
yours chick checks a lot of boxes, yet this no bj thing and painful (for her) sex makes all the other boxes irrelevant. you can't be in an ltr without as much sex as you want.
women exchange sex for your commitment. when you commit and aren't getting the sex, what do you really have?
sounds to me like you must train her, that's what i would do, she sounds like a keeper.
Myspam332 5y ago
She is a keeper, if the sex issue will be resolved.
The fact that she almost cried and still let me fuck her was a very good sign, I do get sex when I want.
She’s not that tiny, but that combined with only recently losing her virginity slows things down.
Aptote 5y ago
i don't see that as a good sign at all, thats a bad sign. does her pussy not get wet? it should be dripping for you.
the painful piv for her, that is not good, that would be a deal breaker for me and is the more serious issue, because i wouldn't inflict pain on her (outside of spankings which she enjoys) and the crying BEFORE is some emotional hang up or or something
Myspam332 5y ago
Soaking wet, but painful, it’s getting less painful for her every time so we will be over that soon.
Aptote 5y ago
painful is not a good thing.
wtf is soon? your 3 months exclusive already, this pain should be long gone by now
she has something else going on, some maladjustment somewhere. parents maybe
Myspam332 5y ago
I think she may have that medical condition, don’t remember the name of it but it’s just too tight down there, it gets better with time and use...
DaftMD 5y ago
Vaginismus
Might want to get some professional help instead of creating a negative feedback loop (associating sex with pain).
[deleted]
FereallyRed 5y ago
If you're with a sexually incompatible virgin, there's two options.
Train her or drop her.
Sounds like you're a shitty trainer.
Read up on dog training guides. Seriously.
Myspam332 5y ago
Well, so far I’m successful in “training” her in everything else, I lead the relationship where I want and she follows.
Dog training? Well, I do use positive feedbacks with her a lot, I realized it works really well with her so...
FereallyRed 5y ago
Vag sex is painful, no bj's, I'm assuming no anal.
Sounds like a shitty relationship.
Why do you still have stakes in this game?
Myspam332 5y ago
It is painful, usually not to the degree she’s experiencing so far, it’s not stopping me from fucking her anyhow...
I’m still in this since besides the blowjobs issue, she seems to fit exactly what I’m looking for.
Project_Zero_Betas 5y ago
Jesus.
Terdmuffin 5y ago
He's got nothing to do with this.
Project_Zero_Betas 5y ago
LOL
MisterRoid 5y ago
Her wanting a condom on your dick makes it sound like she's not attracted to you. Do you have to use condoms during sex too?
Myspam332 5y ago
No.
MisterRoid 5y ago
Alright, that's good news then. I think it's a bad idea to agree to use them during blowjobs, though. You don't want to take it too slow and make her too comfortable.
BigFeetBigDick 5y ago
Baby steps. Let her suck u with a condom for a bit, then a bit longer, then a bit longer, then no condom on, etc. and yeah reward her when she does well
Myspam332 5y ago
Maybe I am being a bit too harsh, I’m already considering dumping her, yet it is possible she just need a bit more time.
That’s a good idea, baby steps, idk why I didn’t think about it.
Thank you!