At the start of the year, I did a 3 month training in a physical activity. During this time, there was a girl in class (let's call her FriendToLoveInterestGirl who initially I was very neutral about. I was also seeing someone at the time.
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After breaking up with my gf, I started hanging out often with FriendToLoveInterestGirl. We both were prioritizing friends over relationships, and would often end up taking the same classes and attending social events. For the past 6 months, we've been seeing one another 3-4 times a week in group / individual settings. We've never officially gone on a date, or expressed any sparks. Initially we both had a rule to not date or view anyone from this physical activity club as a dating prospect.
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However in the last month that has changed for me. She became a sleeper love interest, and I didn't realize that I really liked her. This is probably the second time in my life that I've felt this strongly about someone (I'm in my late 20s).
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All out friends have asked us individually, why don't we date. My response has always been that I'm not into her (even though I kinda have been the last month), but I've been more graceful about it by saying publicly that maybe if she wasn't into this physical activity, I'd view her differently.
Her reaction on the other hand has been of *eyerolling* whenever she gets asked that question. Until 2 days ago, we both hasn't discussed this, but when we did, she had a very defensive reaction that "I'd never pick you". Last night, we went out with a group of friends, and she was constantly around this one guy and it is clear that he is interested in her. If anyone saw them last night, they'd think she is into him too.
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Today, I messaged her saying that I'd be less available overall (she still doesn't know that I like her), and I'm bailing from this one month-long course I had signed up for with her to concentrate on other higher priority items.
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She's asking if things are okay between us.
SHOULD I TELL HER THAT I HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER AND NEED SOME TIME APART?
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For:
- At least I'd be open with my feelings and will know for sure how she's going to react. It's a step closer to closure, even though I know what her answer is going to be given how defensive she's been acting anytime someone brings it up.
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Against:
- This is my only social group. I'm from another country, and if things get complicated, others in the group are closer to her, and she'd win the friends.
- It would be the easy way out, when in fact I should be acting like she's any other love interest of mine. I'll be the first to admit, I'm responsible for getting friendzoned and not dropping hints or escalating.
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spartan_spear 5y ago
2 month update: i did end up tellling her about my feelings 3 weeks ago. at the time she mentioned she has had feelings for me in the past. the thing that precipitated me sharing my feelings with her was that she went on a few dates with this guy she met online. he is going through a divorce, but they really connect. when i followed up a week after my feelings confession, she mentioned that she feels like something is missing between us. we have a lot of common friends, and last night our common friends including her came over to my apartment for dinner and drinks. everyone was asking about her new boyfriend (he wasn't invited), and it really messed with my emotional health.
going to take a break from hanging out with her and spending time talking to her. not totally going to stop, but we don't need to be in constant communication. we had a trip planned to a foreign country early next year, but she is bailing from that (she gave me a reason which sounded more like an excuse).
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thanks for the responses here.
Qazreddit99 5y ago
Honestly this is BP as fuck. If you haven't fucked a woman yet, she isn't worth this big of a post.
I'd next the friendship-you have oneitis for her.
spartan_spear 5y ago
What does it mean to “next” a friendship?
Qazreddit99 5y ago
Ghost her.
RedPillD 5y ago
Read the main subreddit's sidebar.
effyouasshole 5y ago
I'm not even going to waste my time reading this novel. I'm going to respond purely to your title.
If you got friendzoned, its pretty much over right now. Soft-next and raise your SMV. At some point in the future she may come back. Or not... it doesn't matter, since there are 3,500,000,000 other females on this planet.
Chase other skirts and forget about this one.
suitcasecity 5y ago
Just fucking do it you pussy. She will probably say no because she knows that it took you months to do it and therefore you have no balls.
CalvinRichland 5y ago
No
Ninpo_Neo65 5y ago
For: Stop being a faggot OP! Against: Neglecting the sidebar and lifting
fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck- 5y ago
Wow. Read the sidebar. Read it again. And again. And again. Wait... did you click the links and actually read those?
spartan_spear 5y ago
Got my night reading cut out. Generally comments on the internet seem obnoxious. But re reading my post makes me realise how BP this whole situation is.
Gotta next and lift.
fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck- 5y ago
The way I see it is.... we’re not in this sub for the Disney answers. We’re here for the “boot camp” ones.
spartan_spear 5y ago
thanks.
iamthespectator 5y ago
Stop being a faggot.