I’m 30, make 6 figures, live in a nice place, exercise regularly (weights, bjj, Muay Thai). But I don’t have any social status and I am about 15lbs away from abs.
I believe that I am attractive but women have a general lack of interest. I can approach almost any women and 90% of the time I get a number but i never see them again and cannot close. Dating apps have never landed me anything face to face ( tinder, bumble, hinge, etc..).
I keeping seeing “just be the best you and the women will come” but how can I not be attracting any women along the way? I have seen many other less successful and less in shape males be 100x more successful than me.
I love my career, I love my hobbies, I like myself, I love my dog, I love my family but the only thing I cannot get in life is a females attention.
Note: been with many women throughout college and hs but only 3 within the last 9ish years while I have been better than I ever have and yes I lift.
Auvergnat 5y ago
I find it amazing yet frustrating, that TRP was built on Game and now 2018 TRP members have completely forgotten about it.
OP you have no Game. You need to read on it and apply.
TheRedPillMonkey 5y ago
Second this.
testhhhhh 5y ago
I can agree w that. I have only been focusing on trying to be a better person and approaching but nothing on game.
[deleted] 5y ago
[deleted]
Auvergnat 5y ago
There is a huge amount of material out there. Some as links in posts on the sidebar.
But I'd say everyone should have at least read the original once: the Mystery Method.
Some practical tips in it might be overused, or dated in the metoo era, but the principles are solid basics.
Sunny_07 5y ago
Are you fucking austistic? Read the fucking side bar? Why does everyone try to be lazy and just get shortcuts?
AwkwardEmpath 5y ago
Everyone thinks there's magical nuggets of information that will finally give them the pussy destroying tools they need, just one more tip. Go out and get fucking rejected, then do it again.
Sunny_07 5y ago
Thank You! This is not science and we don't have everything figured out. Follow the basic guidelines and learn the rest along the way...whatever works for you.
boy_named_su 5y ago
Gotta learn to be more charming. "Charming" here means to treat women like little girls
Are you doing the following?
testhhhhh 5y ago
1 sometimes 2 yes 3 yes 4 yes 5 not really 6 no 7 yes
boy_named_su 5y ago
try a pic or two at https://www.reddit.com/r/Rateme/ and see where you stand IRL
Iwannachokekatie 5y ago
r/truerateme is way better
Ardekan 5y ago
That's an incel sub.
moresmarterthanyou 5y ago
sorry to hear about katie.
sirbassist83 5y ago
maybe katie is into that
beginner_ 5y ago
You sound like Elliot Rodgers in his video. Entitled. No 6-figures and exercising does not entitle you to any thing or any woman. In fact the money part isn't relevant much as the broken local rock band singer slash pussy left and right.
All you have written seems needy and entitled. Like typical nice guy. Hey I did my part being a nice conditioned beta worker bee, now you need to give me the pussy. Nope.
You might be to rigid and boring and/or also needy. This makes women lose interest real quick.
For me teasing them always works, but the whole tone and setting matters. Insulting them isn't teasing. Must be playful and funny. Best with double-meaning eg "hidden" sexual meaning.
HIJKelemenoP 5y ago
You're boring. Don't be boring.
deerickswerve 5y ago
I feel you man.
testhhhhh 5y ago
Every day your body reproduces cells to repair itself. Sometimes those cells dna get corrupted and continue to replicate infinitely
I will not feel bad if your cells continue replicating infinitely.
RedHoodhandles 5y ago
Judging by that nerdy diss, I'd say you must be a nerd with semi autism. Don't be a nerd with semi autism to get female attention.
Watyalookinamygutfer 5y ago
What's your height?
FearGarbhArMait 5y ago
You have an issue with self confidence. You like yourself not love yourself and put too much stress on having a woman.
Do things for yourself because you love yourself and work on your IDGAF attitude. Approach more women, learn to enjoy rejection. It will only fuel your growth.
testhhhhh 5y ago
You’re right there I do not love myself. But I find it hard to accept the fact that just because I don’t “love myself” means I get nothing. Must I have every duck in a row?
I’ve approached many but only getting nothing for as long as it has been hasn’t helped one way or the other.
FearGarbhArMait 5y ago
The thing about loving yourself is you take superior care of your physical self, emotional self, financial self through and through. People pick up that you are going out of the way to do nice things for yourself because you cate about yourself. This makes them percieve you as higher value.
testhhhhh 5y ago
I get that but is there no incremental success along the way? Must I fully break through all top 1% categories to see any results in female attention?
FearGarbhArMait 5y ago
Confidence and loving your self is interconnected Knowing you can handle shit because you take care of yourself creates an aura that women are attracted to.
testhhhhh 5y ago
Well I will continue to work on it but I really hope I dont need to be a zen master to fuck 5s.
cat_magnet 5y ago
Maybe your standards are too high....
jhx264 5y ago
testhhhhh 5y ago
erthian 5y ago
I'm definitely average, but bitches love me. I'm interesting and I keep shit retarded. Lower that investment and have some fun.
VolatileEnemy 5y ago
It's probably not your looks (based on your past success). You probably look average.
Looking average or EVEN above-average is NOT good enough for a lot of the attractive women WE as guys go after.
It's a relativity and SMV thing. Attractive women are in high demand, and there is a short supply (just think of all the fuglies & fatties you swiped left on). It's that you are looking for pretty or even average looking girls.
Rule goes like: "HB10 girls go for 10 guys..." HB7 girls also go for 10 and 9 guys. HB6 go for 7/8, etc.
Also you don't know where a girl is that you talk to. Sometimes you get a number, but they didn't like something about you or they were trying to get back with their ex-bf, or they had the "i'm an independent women I'm gonna travel, do adventures, and not get in a relationship at this time" phase. Women have all sorts of mid-life crises and silly ideas in their heads. Or they just got over a bad breakup and don't want to date anyone. Or they got a bunch of hot guys sweet-talking them in messages already.
As an example, I kinda went out with a girl but she made clear that she wants to be just friends. She kept flirting and acting like as if she's super interested, totally cool with kino and all, but nothing right? Turns out she had been through a bad breakup some months back.
Trust is key, one of the things some people on here especially make the mistake of, is maybe they get a little too gropey or touchy. Maybe they spit out game well actually, and you know what if they suspect you are gonna dump and pump, they'll avoid you like the plague. Women really wanna be with men they trust (especially much more common than in college where they may be just experimenting/fun). And they are all looking for something longer usually compared to men.
Saberinbed 5y ago
I’m like a 7.5 and i’ve gotten with 9s before.
But to be fair i am 22 and these were all university girls. I fear growing older because i feel like i gotta settle for less than what i deserve.
VolatileEnemy 5y ago
It's a part of life. All girls shoot upward, so the idea is that you should become high up there.
And yes sometimes you can do better than what you can, I'm just saying it's not the norm. So you should set expectations lower.
Saberinbed 5y ago
Man i can’t think like that. I’ve been with some hot ass girls, and i can never imagine myself settling for anything lower than those hotties. Like i’m talking about being with girls who constantly get hit on by anyone whenever i went out with them. She would literally be getting free shit from random ass dudes when i went out with her. I even got a bit insecure with this chick sometimes thinking that she was way out of my league. The only reason i get with these types of girls is because i get introduced to them through my social circle via other female friends.
I feel like the key to getting hot girls is building a strong and large social circle, and maintain that for as long ad you can.
VolatileEnemy 5y ago
Yeah that will definitely help. And it absolutely messes with you and I feel your pain.
But don't be surprised with having long dryspells if your standards are set that high. Sometimes you do have to settle for less.
But yeah having friends that endorse you and get you dates is invaluable. I have met guys who rely on that 100%, but even they end up alone sometimes.
Building and maintaining a large social circle is not easy either. It is upkeep and people easily forget you.
I've had friends who probably did have hot girls who they could have set me up with a date with but it just didn't even occur to them and they just didn't think of it.
Saberinbed 5y ago
I mean it all comes with its own problems. I can assure you, you CANNOT apply the main TRP sideline principles with the girls you date in your social circle. That is what makes it hard. You can maintain frame, but you can’t make them hamster over anything. I’m speaking from experience that if you try doing any mgtow trp shit on these girls, they all gossip about you to their friends and these feminists will ruin you.
You gotta act beta and just be the best that you could be and hope that the relationship goes your way. If you even think about applying dread game on these type of girls say goodbye to your reputation and access to these girls.
I find that i honestly wouls rather be alone than to lower my standards. My standards are what keeps me motivated and make me want to improve. If i always settle for what i can get, what point is there for me to improve? There is no satisfaction in getting those lower quality women anyways. Us guys enjoy the chase and want what we can’t have, so it works both ways.
I’d still take a social circle and a few very high quality girls over lone wolf 8 plates all low quality anyday.
VolatileEnemy 5y ago
Honestly, I kinda have the same issue that I can't settle for lower either. maybe not an issue either, just a choice.
wow, well I never had such a social circle access so I never knew about that. That explains a lot about the guys who were in that kind of circle. They think very traditional things work.
Yeah don't lower standards if you can't. You want what you want. I was suggesting it if sex was your main goal.
Yeah I totally understand that. That's a fine choice.
Having access to such a social circle where you might find hot women to date is very valuable and most people on here and most men that I know, do not have such access, so it's a rather unique situation. I never had that either. Always had to rely on myself.
Saberinbed 5y ago
Why do you think there are so many betas with these high quality girls? These people deep down know they are being put on a leash by their girls, but we live in a feminized society and its only going to get worse.
You need to be traditional in order to make things work in social circles.
Quaternionz 5y ago
In person your game probably sucks.
Keep approaching and learning. Get some PUA books like The Mystery Method as food for thought, and to get a list of gimmicks to try. Game should’t be the practice of applying gimmicks, but PUA gimmicks are a good place to start for practice. They’re infinitely better than “just be yourself” if yourself has shitty game.
Online it must be that your photos suck. If you DM me and share them I can give you photography tips from a red pill perspective. It can’t possibly be any other problem, because photos are literally all there is (unless your profile text is a huge needy essay or something).
Also, it matters which apps you’re using. Tinder is more competitive, for example. Coffee Meets Bagel is an easier one.
As another commenter mentioned: always state, never ask.
Say “We should get drinks sometime. Here, give me your phone number.” And then hand her your phone. If she’s on her way out give her a good strong hug goodbye to break the touch barrier and leave a stronger impression. If she doesn’t like you she’ll find the hug annoying. But if she does like you the hug will release a bunch of happy hormones for her that will tremendously increase your odds of success. Immediately text her “Hey, it’s <name> from the bar. We should hang sometime.” One of two things will happen:
1) She’ll bite right away. “Yeah! For sure! Any time.” In that case just schedule a date.
2) She won’t bite. Maybe she’ll respond “Yeah, nice meeting you.” If she doesn’t seem enthusiastic or flirty then she’s just being polite. In that case don’t text her back for 10-14 days. It has to be long enough that she thinks you forgot about her (and honestly, you probably will kind of forget about her). Once enough time has passed you can try again. “Hey, how’s it going.” If she didn’t actually like you she won’t respond. If she did like you then she’ll be pleasantly surprised by your reappearance. She’ll tell you about some shit she’s been doing for the past two weeks. She’ll be more open to talking after a 10-14 day gap because she’ll be certain that you’re not yet another thirsty guy who desperately wants her attention.
I had a first date once that included copious making out on a couch in a cocktail lounge. I was pretty outcome independent at that point, so I told myself I’d do an experiment. I made a pact with myself to not text her. If she texted me then great. If not, then she’d be gone forever. She never texted me. After 5 weeks I said “Fuck it, I’ll say hi now and see what happens.” I texted her hello and we chatted a bit. We ended up going on a second date, which ended with sex.
Path #2 might end with her trying to put you in beta orbiter mode. For example, she might try to invite another friend when you hang, signaling that she doesn’t see it as a date. In that case still go see her, because building your social circle is good. But don’t develop oneitis for her. And realize that being friends with a girl means basically nothing. You’ll never text her and she’ll never text you. But maybe she’ll invite you to a party sometime if she wants to help the host fill the guest list. Or maybe her friend will be hot. Or maybe you can use her as social proof to game other girls while you’re out with her and her friend. Etc... You can only use your girl friendships opportunistically.
Honestly, picking up girls at bars is brutally hard unless you’re crazy jacked and look super rich. Even if your game is perfect there are a million things out of your control. Maybe she’s on zero sleep that day and isn’t feeling it. Maybe she’s going through a family crisis. Maybe she just got laid last night and doesn’t want or need more. Etc... Dating apps are where it’s at because girls on there are explicitly open to romantic connections. Definitely still do the live stuff for practice. It’ll improve your game for when you do get dates online. Just don’t expect nearly as much success with random day/night game as on apps.
UncleChido 5y ago
Good points. Touché
UncleChido 5y ago
Hope you’re not coming off as needy?
You have to up your game. That seems to be the issue.
testhhhhh 5y ago
I’m not asking these women to marry me or anything. I’m asking them to meet up for a drink.
How can I tell if that is what they thinking?
UncleChido 5y ago
That’s the point mate. Perhaps you’re asking them to hangout in a needy manner.
Keep it playful and simple. Also, what’s your SMV like. Remember the concept about men dating down and women only dating up.
testhhhhh 5y ago
Ok. How can I ask a women to get a drink while seeming not needy. I usually say “let’s meet at x for a drink” or “grab drinks at x?”
-saltymangos- 5y ago
no questions. make statements.
“i’m free tuesday at 8. let’s grab a drink.”
testhhhhh 5y ago
I can do that more but I’ve said that before as well. Usually its radio silence whichever way I ask or state.
-saltymangos- 5y ago
No idea. I don’t have any experience in your age range. I wish you good luck though
E9er 5y ago
“let’s grab a drink?” sounds like a question loll.. wtf roflll... a statement would be “i’m free tuesday at 8, we are getting drinks.” lolll
-saltymangos- 5y ago
i didn’t put a question mark for a reason. let’s = let us. let us grab a drink.
E9er 5y ago
i put the question mark to emphasize the obvious. i didn’t imply you did because you want it make it appear like it wasn’t a question. regardless my point is you gotta ask a question to make plans. OP method of asking is fine too it’s not like he is been pushy or needy just a straight up question.
Davidskylarkk 5y ago
All these answers and no one has stayed the obvious...Some dudes just come off creepy...You got laid in HS and college because the women probably got to know you a little in a forced social situation like class...
You can't bench enough to get rid of the creep factor...
testhhhhh 5y ago
How do I know if I’m coming off as creepy?
Davidskylarkk 5y ago
That's tough cause most people don't want to be mean and even less are honest...
hiddenpleasures123 5y ago
What's your height?
testhhhhh 5y ago
5’10
HurricaneHugues 5y ago
Your game is bad. Walk me through your process of approaching a woman, getting the number, and asking her out.
testhhhhh 5y ago
I will see a female at a bar walk up and say almost anything to just get a conversation going ( did you see that? Yes I would highly suggest that beer it has exactly 85 hops, I suggestion getting x and bullshit about it). Then I will find anything to joke or talk about. I can make them laugh usually very easily. I usually stick w being funny bc it’s easy for me. I will start with light touching maybe the arm or lower back if I think it’s going good. Then eventually they will just lose interest, say they will be back and never return,say they have to leave, can’t go to x because they have to go to y.
If I get their number I will text either the next day or 2 days and either ask or tell them to meet me somewhere for a drink. I never hear from them again.
erthian 5y ago
Build comfort faster. Learn negs. Be aggressive. Show interest. Stop being fucking funny. You're not a rodeo clown.
allcryptal 5y ago
The "light touching" is a an automatic red flag for me. Kino should come off naturally. Light touching sounds creepy.
If you're good at quickly gaining rapport with anyone, a natural touch doesn't come off as weird to most people, if you're in a social setting with drinks. Making contact with someone should come subconsciously.
Most of the time my filter doesn't even stop me from touching someone. Either way, you shouldn't be thinking about it. BUT if the urge is there and you're programmed shy filter tells you not to (which isn't the case with you), that's when you go in, but make it quick. It should be forceful but playful, like you need to touch them because they need to understand you get them, or for them to really get what you just said.
A hand just lingering there is creepy unless this girl is melting into you/or at end of night where this is more acceptable. Also, because of your age, girls are always looking to see if you're a creepy old guy. I've started getting those tests as I've gotten into my late 20s. Chill, charming, relaxing, outcome independent, and being a good listener should be your key. Making a girl laugh does well with some. But most girls have bunch of guy friends they roll with that can do just the same.
HurricaneHugues 5y ago
Youre problem is that you try to be an entertainer and not a sexuao beast. Drol the comedy and the clown act. Also, bars are a waste of time if you dont have a solid physique. Pick women up on the streets instead. Theyre not in their element, and their heads are not deep up their asses.
erthian 5y ago
This x1000. Act like a clown and they'll treat you like a clown. I can pull girls saying literally 0 words.
testhhhhh 5y ago
On the street? Like nyc street walking or like in some random store w day game?
Andrew54321 5y ago
Stop.
You need to read Book of Pook.
HurricaneHugues 5y ago
You know what I mean. Daygame
ziphias 5y ago
If you are doing everything you say you are doing here, either you aren't at all attractive in the traditional sense or you come across much differently in person than you think you do (and not in a good way). You probably need to do the truerateme thing as suggested or have someone else judge your game in person
[deleted] 5y ago
none of that matters if you dont look good. if your not attracting females... they dont like your looks. bottom line. if you looked good they would be checking you out all the time.
testhhhhh 5y ago
Yes I agree. But I was more overweight and wasn’t even lifting when I was fucking before. I thought I would look better losing weight and working out.
VolatileEnemy 5y ago
HS / College is a lot easier. Women outside of college start developing even higher standards (and they've also probably been hurt a lot in terms of break ups so they are even more anxious and shy).
Nowadays women are very spoiled too, they've been brainwashed by the apps where they got a lot of attention so they start to believe they are even more entitled.
You have to go for less attractive women too.
What's amazing about this "sexual economy" is that the girls you find attractive, are also the girls getting the most attention. So settle for less too.
So in a way, we as men have also been brainwashed by all the attractive models too.
As an example, I had ZERO game in HS, I had ZERO attractiveness, I had ZERO social skills. Still had a girlfriend, all I had to do was ask out. It was like the 1950s. I even "asked" to kiss the girl on the first kiss.
Think about that... A lot has changed since then. And don't let it get you bitter.
How can it be that I am 10x better and doing badly then? Because women changed too. Women are the issue here. It's amazing how many of us have to say something like "well we have to up our game", which is true and all, but it's sad that we have to work so hard just to get girls.
I don't honestly think we have to work as hard, I think we just need to meet more proper girls. I mean women have sent me naked photos in the past even before dating, so game can go a long way, but I'm sick of being their entertainer.
Red90210 5y ago
Do you have new clothes to show off your new look?
erthian 5y ago
No fucking way. Girls don't give two fucks what you look like. Trust me. It's all about swagger and being fun.
capecodchips 5y ago
Come on do you really believe that? 80/20 rule stands true for physical attraction as well. Looks matter and is needed for sexual attraction
erthian 5y ago
Yes I 100% believe this and have seen it in action. Attraction has no correlation to physical. It can help, but it's neither necessary nor sufficient. Believing it is shows a basic lack of understanding of attraction.
Tousen71 5y ago
Dudes...if a woman is on a desert island with you and doesn’t find you the slightest bit attractive, she WILL NOT FUCK YOU. No matter how much time has passed. I promise you, looks matter guys. That’s why swiping right on dating apps is so rare for women. Their standards are high.
erthian 5y ago
Tinder is actually proof that looks don't matter. If women never swipe right, how are they getting matches? How are guys getting girlfriends irl? It's all the other elements that build attraction. It's not about one woman in specific. It's about how attraction works in general. Arguing the opposite is like saying if you hit the genetic lottery 100% of women will want to sleep with you.
Tousen71 5y ago
I didn’t say never. I said rarely. Which is statistically true.
(Women swipe right less often than men)
My point is when it comes to attraction, women are more discerning of looks than you think. If you’re Ryan Gosling (without the fame) you don’t have to say a word and women will show interest. Now if he’s a fucking goofball that all goes out the window but on tinder unless your bio is incredible, women are swiping right or left based on that first picture.
erthian 5y ago
Definitely not more discerning than I think. I'm well aware of how picky they are. What I'm saying is their opinion of your looks matters very little and has almost no impact on if they are attracted to you or not.
a_nus 5y ago
Social proof and charisma matter a lot more than how much money you have or your fitness level.
testhhhhh 5y ago
I 100% believe that. But even in different states where I obviously wouldn’t have a social group the results do not change.
a_nus 5y ago
In different states, you still don't have social proof or charisma. Results don't change because the situation doesn't change.
erthian 5y ago
I've never once thought to myself "damn how do I get my results to change". Get your head out of your ass. Learn to have fun. Learn to take what you want. Worry about what you want, not how you can get them to do it.
fallenhero1905 5y ago
Just throwing it out there... why don't you try downloading Tinder? get used to speaking to the ladies, build your confidence up on knowing the right or wrong things you say and how they react to you?
​
Smile :)
testhhhhh 5y ago
Unfortunately I get maybe 1-3matches per week, 2 are bots and the other never replies.
erthian 5y ago
Fuck tinder. There are real girls in the real world that are dying for a fun guy. Go find them.
pame12 5y ago
It'll be hard to say specifically what the issue is, maybe you're not telling us the issue (forgetting, or just not knowing that it could be an issue), or your descriptions may not be accurate enough; whatever the case may be, it might be worthwhile to audio record yourself approaching a chick and posting it on here, that would help in analysing the problem.
[deleted] 5y ago
The whole "looks don't matter" BS you hear sometimes around here is just that - BS. If you're hot, you'll have tons of chances even if you're beta af.
Maybe it's just your face.
moltenw 5y ago
Submit a picture, might help us judge if your physical appeareance is a real factor to take in.
erthian 5y ago
Doesn't matter.
moltenw 5y ago
Probably not, but maybe he is Quasimodo or something.
erthian 5y ago
True true. Some shit even swag cant overcome lol.
DadOnDabs 5y ago
Maybe try bar game? I'm better at day game but fail miserably at bar game.
Musicgoon 5y ago
You have a lot of "buts" in your post. I can tell you right now it's not your money or looks that are a detriment, your frame and confidence aren't coming through and girls can read that. I used to be a tubby Fuck. I was slaying it with women because I was confident and gave zero fucks. I started lifting which helps a bit. The attitude and charisma counted more.
Being bold will get you really far. Keep pushing and try to close with every chick. Don't forget to escalate..
mounted2czarina 5y ago
If you make six figures, just pay women to spend time with you. That’s what I do.
UnbreakableFrame 5y ago
If you are checking all the measurable boxes like finances, body measurements, etc... then it's something immeasurable.
Really the only thing left is either the way you talk or the way you carry yourself. 95% of men carry themselves like complete faggots. Look at any guy in a film that launched them to sex-icon stardom. How do they walk? How do they posture themselves? Do you have the body language of a victim or a warlord?
I'm not suggesting you have invisible lats syndrome, but I am suggesting that you stop walking while staring at the ground. Make eye contact. Never be the first person to break eye contact with someone you want to engage with. Assume that everyone in the room is less confident than you are, because you are already implying in your post that they should be. A vendor that believes in their product prices it accordingly.
[deleted] 5y ago
Post pic on r/rareme
testhhhhh 5y ago
If I do I will have to create a new account. I don’t want it linked to this one
Two_kids_in_a_coat 5y ago
Get yourself a wingwoman.
testhhhhh 5y ago
I have maybe 2 friends that are females and they are not helpful.
ZhmaoZao 5y ago
Then why are they your friends?
GainzdalfTheWhey 5y ago
This isn't helpful, also bullshit
testhhhhh 5y ago
It’s not my female friends responsibility to get me laid.