Note to readers: This is a reprint of a post originally from the subreddit whereallthegoodmenare, published June 2020. It is reprinted here. It is saved at theredarchive.com here.
When I was a blue pilled younger man and we had land lines and answering machines, I had asked out a woman I knew from college. Let's just call her Becky. I got back the phone message stating "Let's Just Be Friends". My blue pill self was undeterred, and asked Becky if she'd like to come over to my new place "just to talk". I got a second message later:
"Al, I'm not coming over to your place, because I don't want to. So, yeah, it was good to hear from you."
Because I don't want to.
Powerful words, aren't they? With just five short, easy to understand words, Becky let me know that she was not interested, and that was final. She was able to bring the entire exchange to an abrupt and much needed conclusion. And that was all she needed to say.
Because I want to.
Because I don't want to.
Because I want [insert thing or activity here].
Because I don't want [insert thing or activity here].
No other words need to be said.
Far too often, we "Good Men" feel a need to DEER - defend, excuse, explain, rationalize. We do this sometimes to justify our own wants, needs, and decisions to ourselves and others. Others often demand that we explain why we want or don't want something, or why we won't do something (usually to benefit someone else).
Others often shame us for expressing preferences. They tell us we don't have a right to our preferences. We should not want, need, or desire what we want, need, or desire. What we want is bad, immoral, self centered, or otherwise benefits only ourselves and not someone else "more deserving" of our time, attention, labor, money, resources, and commitment.
Shut them all down with "Because I want to". "No, because I don't want to." "Because I want [this]." "Because I don't want [that]."
It is good, right, and beneficial because you have deemed it so. Therefore, "I want it." It is bad, counterproductive, and detrimental because you have deemed it so. Therefore, "I don't want it."
There is nothing else that needs to be said. There is no other necessary justification for what you want, need and desire. "Because I need to." "Because I need it."
No, you don't have to explain why you want, need, or desire it. It's none of their goddamn business, unless you choose to make it their business. The fact that you want, need, and desire it is reason enough. That's all they need to know.
No, you don't have to tell them why you don't want to date their friend who's "so nice". "Because I don't want to."
No, you don't have to explain why you want to date this woman and not that one. "Because that's what I want. I want this woman. I don't want that woman."
No, you don't have to explain why you will not volunteer for their organization. "Because I don't want to."
No, you don't have to tell that pushy ass salesman why you don't want that car. "Because I don't want it."
No, I don't have to tell you why I need this. "Because I need it". "But why?" "None of your goddamn business."
And the big one:
No, you don't have to tell her why you don't want to
--go on a second date with her
--keep dating her
All she needs to know is "because I don't want to." Or maybe "because it's not working for me."
You may choose to tell her why. You may choose to explain it. But you don't have to.
The fact that it is your preference, want, need and desire is good enough. Fuck them and their shaming language, demands, pleas, wheedling, and whining. Fuck them and their foot stomping tirades and sexist vitriol. Pay them no mind.
They are NOT entitled to anything from you - not even a reason why you want it or don't want it. At your sole discretion, you might give them a reason - but you are not required to. It's your money, time, labor, attention, resources, and commitment, and you can do with them whatever you want. That includes not spending them on someone or something you don't want to spend them on. That also includes not spending time explaining why you don't want to.
And no one can argue with you about it. No one has any good, valid responses to "because I want to" or "because I don't want to". I mean, what? What are they going to say? "But you SHOULD want it"? "You have to want it"? "I want it, so you should too"?
"Ok. So what? This is about me, not you."
Because I want to. Because I don't want to. Because I want it. Because I don't want it. Powerful words, powerful weapons. Use them.
No-Stress-Cat 5 months ago
I love this.
Her: I have a boyfriend.
Me: Do you have a friend that wants a boyfriend?
Her: Of course! Do you want to meet her?
Me: No. Give your boyfriend to her. I want you!
Typo-MAGAshiv Mod 8 months ago
This was a really good one, and something we must remind ourselves occasionally.