Summary: The big eye-opener during my latest adventures was the ease with which I could make things happen when I had nothing planned. Spontaneity is the king.
Are You Missing Out?
Most of my evenings in Warsaw are packed. I always have something to do, meetings, dates, workouts, work or even such mundane things as shopping or cooking. These are all scheduled. And that means I cannot just abandon what I planned to do just because something more interesting came along.
My last Kiev trip wasn't planned. My whole stay in Zagreb was as spontaneous as it can get. I knew I had some work to do (and it was more that I was capable of doing anyway) so the goal was to do enough so I won't feel guilty about slacking off and then welcome every opportunity to do something else. I did what seemed best at every moment of that trip and overall spent a great week. That got me thinking about lost opportunities.
Window Of Opportunity
Seduction-wise the window of opportunity is usually about sex. For some girls there is a brief period when she accepts the notion of sex and once that window closes you'll never get anything from her. That happens essentially when she seriously thinks "no" for the first time. There is no going back from that.
The other window of opportunity is what I experienced a lot lately. There are eager girls passing by when you're late to the gym, approaches that turn surprisingly well* and even social situations that beg for follow-up and if you're unable to do anything more then you lost your chance forever. Sometimes it will be because you'll never meet her again and sometimes because someone else will go for it.
There are times when brutal window of opportunity dynamic is at play. If you can't act then and there you won't get anything. And definitely you don't get that type of crazy adventures with the old funnel model where you collect numbers, set up dates and then finally date.
Be Spontaneous
Back when I was regularly playing question game on my dates I used to ask "Do you have to plan everything or are you a spontaneous girl?". That was of course the cue to kiss the girl on either the pretext to work on her spontaneity or assuming she essentially said "go for it". Girls liked that. It pays off to be spontaneous.
No matter whether you're conscientious or careless, becoming spontaneous will help with both your game... and your life. I'm a planner. I have a weekly To-Do list and every single evening I'm making another one for the upcoming day. And I'm telling you that you're missing out a lot if you have super tight schedule for every single hour of your week.
There will be plenty of situations where you will think "if only I had this evening off". Make it so. But if you decide to go for the adventure then have means of making up for that time later. Because if you'll only choose adventures, you'll ultimately end up nowhere. Conversely - not going on those adventures will hurt you just about the same. Regret is a bitch.
Lessons (re)learned:
- Most opportunities are exactly that - right set of circumstances. You can
- Do not think that because of that planning doesn't make sense. Plan everything but act when opportunities arise. Then make up for that time, adjust your plan.
- Craziest stories I've heard are almost always result of taking the chance. Mind you - those are the craziest exceptions, not your staple.
- You lose more girls by not trying to follow up than by bad game. If there is a high chance of something happening - make that happen.
IntrovertSigma 8y ago
Remember that most women live more in the moment than men. I've had hookups in crazy locations because it had to happen right there and then or it wasn't going to happen at all.
I learned my lesson after settling for contact details thinking it was a sure thing.
[deleted] 8y ago
This is so true. I laugh and shake my head every time one of my buddies thinks they're on top of the world just because they got some broad's number
Entropy-7 8y ago
Always have a plan, and be prepared to abandon it. No plan survives contact.
The thing to ask yourself about taking a chance is "what am I really risking?" The reality is that you rarely put anything of substance on the line. The worst that can happen is that you end up where you started.
Hitting on a hot chick and getting shot down can bruise one's ego, but WTF. Hitting on a super-model and slamming her that night makes up for soooooo many failures.
In business, it is the same. It never hurts to ask if an opportunity presents itself. Years ago I ran a game design company with two friends. We were working on an idea for a martial arts card game when someone suggested "why not make it the Bruce Lee Martial Arts Card Game?
We paused for a moment to consider what the possibility of three shitheads getting a license deal for Bruce Lee's name and image. Then we said "fuck it" and within a few hours I was on the phone with Lee's estate attorney in LA. Easy-peasy: 8% of retail as a royalty and we were good to go.
As it turned out, we didn't follow up on that but the point is that it would not have even been an option if we had not asked.
max_peenor 8y ago
A lot of people misinterpret what he meant and abandon planning completely. He advocated detailed planning, but for logistics not for operations. Get the troops to the game, but then let them run with the ball. This was also a key to the Green Machine; the US Army had been surprisingly successful given that for most of it's existence had a very small professional component. The idea was to focus the small officer core on logistics and artillery, things that needed detailed study and planning, while leaving the bullet catching and slinging to the draftees.
So, how does this apply to sexual strategy? Imma gonna to be a little "Try To Hard" here, but I think the message is valid. Far too many men overthink the close. Head over to asktrp and you'll see at least a couple posts on any given day where a guy is at the point where penis should be inserted into vagina and they freak out and can't do it. Planning is how you two get together, but it isn't what you do when you are there.
Stop thinking about being together. Stop fantasizing. For the love of got, don't jerk off imagining what touching her boobies will be like. Just get with her. Tell your hamster to take a nap. Focus on feelings of your own arousal and flow with it.
TunedtoPerfection 8y ago
This so much, I've seen friends get so excited and facebook stalk women, they haven't even met, because they clicked "going" to an event. They are all worked up about it, fantasize about talking to her, plan out what they are gonna say and when, etc. By the time the event get around they have idolized this chick who half the time doesn't even show up.
[deleted]
Morphs_ 8y ago
The notion of plans vs improvisation (which I like to call it) is a very good one. Instead of detailed plans you can also work with a "framework" that roughly outlines what you want to do, but with room for improvisation. I guess it's a matter of experimentation to see how that works out.
BTW, I've been to Warsaw recently for a few days, man they sure got some sexy women there. Went out to Teatro Cubano two nights in a row. My god I never witnessed such atmosphere, the women and dancing. Literally the only downside there was the fact that I'm in a relationship and chose to be faithful. Still had a blast though.
[deleted] 8y ago
I think I've been led somewhat astray on this by Blackdragon. He claims his lay ratio went up when not going for same night lays. I think in the online space, he may be right about that....
Not so sure about meat space. I had a pretty good bead on a woman recently and I thought a lay was in the bag, she was escalating kino & pressed her email on me....haven't heard a peep from her since (2 emails on my part, this isn't "one girl" I don't give a shit).
I get the inefficiency and dangers of one night stands, but if one has in the intention of converting a same night lay into a plate it's probably worth it. If she ghosts, she ghosts, prolly has a boyfriend or what the fuck ever.