Summary: Sales techniques, basic social rules and pick up overlap. How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie, a timeless classic by Dale Carnegie, can teach you how to be friendly and get people to like you. If you read between lines you can also find some pretty useful techniques there.
Start With Yes
When you start with "Can I say to you something really quickly?" (classic daygamer opener) or "I hope you speak English" (while traveling abroad) you find out it's almost impossible to say "no" to them. Especially when you combine them with a good body language and a nice smile (which is something we all do, right?).
What that first "yes" reply does is that it makes the person you're talking to compliant and more inclined to agree to other things. And there will be many small steps in the process of daygame interaction.
You're but a stranger to that girl. Every "yes" counts as it makes her not only more open to the whole experience but also keener to agree to your ultimate proposal which is the date or the number.
Avoid No
The effect of saying a single "Yes" isn't that big. It's the repeated "yeses" that stack and change that "maybe no" girl to "maybe yes" when it comes to seeing you again.
The effect of a "No" is much more permanent. When you reject something, it is usually final. You'd feel like a fool when changing your mind, especially that fast.
When she says "No" she will feel like she has to stick to her position. That's why you usually can work your way around "I'm not sure I should give you my number" but you rarely succeed with "No, I don't give my number to strangers".
Close With Yes
When it comes to getting a number after an average conversation there are few things you can do to make it more solid. One of them is bridging the date (making some vague plans, showing her that you're serious). The other one is avoiding the "no" and getting a "yes".
When I first started doing daygame I learned and followed one rule (amongst others) - never ask for a number. I merely imply that we need to exchange our contact details to stay in touch and see each other again.
Lately I've found that asking a relevant question and getting one or two "yeses" just before the close works surprisingly well.
Say something about having to go (you're a busy guy after all) and that you should meet some other time (or that you want to take her out for a drink or that you'd like to continue the conversation some other time or whatever) and then casually ask "Do you use WhatsApp?". You'll proably get a "yes".
Then just give her your phone with "add new contact" tab opened or ask how you can find her. The same goes for a Facebook close - lead with "Are you on Facebook" and get a "yes".
Relevant lessons from Dale Carnegie:
- "Get the other person saying 'Yes, yes' at the outset."
- "When a person says 'No' and really means it, he or she is doing far more than saying a word of two letters. (...) There is, usually in minute but sometimes in observable degree, a physical withdrawal or readiness for withdrawal."
- "In talking with people, don't begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing - and keep on emphasizing - the things on which you agree."
[deleted] 8y ago
[deleted]
Sir_Distic 8y ago
Does that also apply to her feelings? If you approach her with a smile she'll feel happy and you'll of course leave her feeling good and happy at the end. So does she remember feeling happy and/or positive about the encounter both at the beginning and the end or no?
Peter_B_Long 8y ago
Yes. Some guy made a post about this maybe a month ago. When on a date, the girl will remember the ending of the interaction and the climax of the interaction.
420KUSHBUSH 8y ago
Human psychology. Works wonders.
Motor-boat 8y ago
One of my favorites: "Hey, do you like jokes?"
420KUSHBUSH 8y ago
I have a funny feeling I know what your joke is about.
Mckallidon 8y ago
Pure fucking sales strategy. Almost like how I used to apply it to sell agents on the selling techniques. Great post breh
MrAnderzon 8y ago
In your sales role did it ever occur that your helping the customer get in debt?
TermsOfColors 8y ago
That's between the buyer and the financing agents, not the salesman.
Mckallidon 8y ago
Did it ever occur to you that the people are responsible for their own financial and purchasing decisions like normal adults and it is not my job to counsel them on their business decisions outside the scope of clarifying what I have to offer them? It isn't my business how they rationalize their decisions. I don't know these people. It isn't a student loan. You either are buying or you are not. You can either pay somehow or you can't. Who am I to decide what is right for them? I know people with fucktons of debt and millions of dollars in annual cash flow. Debt is a tool that has many ends that can be good or bad, depending on the people and their situation. You implicitly suggesting that I am somehow enabling self destruction is dumber than your lack of basic English writing skills.
MrAnderzon 8y ago
Didn't mean to step on any toes. I just wanted to know your thought process on debt.
I now see how it could of been read negatively.
Mckallidon 8y ago
Thought process on debt:
Debt is a tool that one should only use to capture otherwise missed opportunities.
Otherwise, avoid like plague.
Don't get a mortgage to buy a house to live in. Get a mortgage to buy investment property so your houses buy you a place to live.
ObeyTheCowGod 8y ago
Most people with mortgages are paying less than they would be in rent anyway and at the end of it they end up with a valuable asset.
[deleted]
moviemaker10 8y ago
I've been reading 'never split the difference' by chris voss, and he has an interesting take. Try how fast you can get the girl/customer/person to say 'no'. It makes them feel safe, knowing that they are not pressed into an answer yes. It gives them the idea that they have options.
rpendeavor 8y ago
I've read this book 3x. Each time I get something out of it. I will tell you it has saved me money in business. It has also helped with my personal life in empowering the person with no, but then how to say no with out saying no myself. It's a masterful technique that is awkward at first, but to be able to see it help me has been truly inspiring. I helped a friend talk down a photographer from $1500 to $700 on a session for a wedding. Creating a question based sales strategy. The book is amazing.
Frenetic_Zetetic 8y ago
Everything is sales.
Fantastic post.
barlow69 8y ago
I also read on a book that saying 'No' is a way people to protect themselves. Having people say no can make them feel safe and in control in the conversation. For example, when asking to get a upgrade to first class you ask, "Will it be ridiculous of me to ask for an upgrade?" They are programmed to say no, but in this case, you move your agenda while making the person feel that they have the grip on the situation . Any thoughts ?
mikas75 8y ago
How to win friend is a masterpiece but outdated in 2017, as a Hypnotist words and communication in general have no secret to me and this technique called "yes set" totally works with a "no", which is called a "no-set" : even if the other person answers "no" to your question many times in a row still it has on the brain the same effect as a "yes" and I employ this technique with skeptic clients that come see me with hypnosis because it's hard for reluctant people to obtain a yes : "Have you already be hypnotized ?" "No" "Do you believe in it ?" "Not really" "So you won't know when you will be in a hypnotic state ?" "Neither"
"Alright, let's go !" (And it works)