This is a simple insight that I had at some point over the past few years. I honestly have no idea if it will resonate with anyone else, and if you'll even agree with it, but it might speak to someone.

 

 

I've seen a few posts over the past several months about how "caring what people think" is actually a positive thing. We don't really optimize ourselves unless we actually do embrace the hard-to-swallow truth that: how we physically look and act, actually matters in terms of achieving success.

I think that's an excellent point. And one of the "red pills" that some high-and-mighty keyboard warriors will argue to the brink about not needing external validation. But who is getting more sex (or successful results in general)? Surely it's the man who cares what people think and optimizes himself for them.

 

 

I think that's a fair point and rationally I don't see much wrong with it.

But one subtle distinction that I learned, is that instead of caring what people think, I'd rather just know what people think, and then decide whose opinions I actually care about. It may seem obvious, but it was an important (albeit nuanced) breakthrough I had at some point in my journey.

(Bear with me with the analogy here.) But I see it as a secret desire to fit in as another sheep in the herd. I know that when I was first embracing my masculinity, I had a secret desire to be the best sheep possible. I wanted to optimize myself, and live within the system, being the best participant possible in order to achieve my sexual goals. But when I switched to thinking like the wolf, not the sheep, I no longer had that Disney fantasy. I no longer had the secret desire for comfort. The wolf doesn't care what the sheep think, as the sayings go.

 

 

The Rational Male describes how I used to be as:

This is the guy who’s become Red Pill aware, but believes he can make his Blue Pill idealism work in a Red Pill context from the outset of his partial unplugging. As a result, there’s a certain degree of affirmation seeking men of this stripe look for from other men in Red Pill forums. That affirmation is entirely based in the false hope that he can use Red Pill truths to achieve Blue Pill goals.

But we are not just going to foolishly reject the fact that we are constantly interacting with other people and our value is being judged by them.

When I switched from caring what people think to knowing what people think and analyzing what people think, I was able to realize that I previously had a secret desire to be a sheep. That I had "false hope that he can use Red Pill truths to achieve Blue Pill goals." A secret desire to achieve my comfortable blue-pill goals.

 

 

I will always think deeply about what other people think of me, and why. Especially men I respect. But I no longer feel obligated to appeal to everyone.

Now my goals are much more selfish. I think about how I come across, but first and foremost I achieve my goals before ever caring what people think. I may use the feedback to improve, but sometimes I simply dismiss someone's opinion of me. It's entirely up to me now. I no longer have any desire to achieve my former blue-pill goals. I will be constantly outside my comfort zone in all areas of life. That's just for me, we all have different goals and values in life.

To give a simple concrete example: if a girl thinks I'm an asshole, that's perfectly okay with me. I'm not going to optimize away from that, if it's getting me the results I want overall.

 

 

Anyway, the takeaway is that:

I killed my secret desire to be a sheep, to "achieve my blue pill goals", when I made the subtle distinction to stop caring what people think, and instead started analyzing what people think.

Maybe you'll agree with me and maybe not. Or maybe you'll say "duh, that's obvious." This is just something that definitely pushed me in the right direction when I was starting out learning about the red pill, so maybe it'll help some newcomers.