Women, and to a lessor extent beta males, love to bitch and moan about their problems. How often have you heard a woman complain about something that seems insurmountable to her, but trivially easy to resolve for you? If you spend any measurable time around women, you'll see this frequently. My mind has been blown on countless occasions by crying women carrying on over complete non-issues that I can resolve with 5 minutes' effort. For the typical beta male nice guy (we've all been there), it is incredibly tempting to offer advice or even to simply resolve the problem for her.

Here's what I've learned: She doesn't want your help nor your advice and if it is given to her anyway, she won't appreciate it. Helping her will only result in your being used as an emotional tampon, beta orbiter and forever problem solver. Once she learns her problems magically resolve themselves (through your efforts) after little more than a few tears, she'll be crying on your shoulder as often as she can get away with. Your reward will be lies, manipulation and disdain. She will openly mock you in front of her friends and alpha fucks and you will quickly find yourself the laughing stock of her social circle.

Here are my rules of engagement for people, men and women alike, who come to me with their problems:

  1. Do not offer advice or help unless directly asked. Most of the time, people just want to unload. Your job is to listen and offer words of encouragement. "That's too bad." "I'm sorry you're going through this." "That must be difficult for you." This can be maddening, especially when the solution is obvious. Resist the temptation. Let her figure it out on her own. This will be the end of your involvement in most situations. Very few will actually ask, "What do you think?" or "What should I do?"

  2. If she does ask, this indicates she is open to your input. Only then should you offer advice and when you do, give it to her straight. Do not hold back. If she is the problem, tell her. If it isn't really a problem and she just needs to let it go, tell her. However, and this is important, do not offer to fix it for her. Simply tell her what she needs to do to resolve it on her own. "If I were in your shoes, this is what I would do." This is her problem, not yours. She's a big girl. If she wants your help implementing the solution, make her ask.

  3. If she does ask for help, you might actually be dealing with a reasonable person who truly wants a resolution to the issue at hand. This is rare, so congratulations on your choice of friends. When it comes to helping others, my philosophy is I will only help people who are willing to help themselves. If the problem isn't important enough for her to both ask for help and be willing to lift a finger to put forth minimal effort, why the fuck should it be important enough for me to take even a moment out of my life? It isn't and it shouldn't. Here's how you find out whether this is really a problem she wants to resolve or if she's just bored and wants to watch a monkey (you) jump through hoops: Devise a solution where the first step (or two or three) is all on her. Give her some small piece of the puzzle that she needs to complete in order to earn your participation. "Absolutely, I'd be happy to help you pack your things and move. I'm going to need you to buy some moving boxes, tape and packing materials. Let me know as soon as you've got the supplies." No, you won't buy them for her. No, you won't drive her to the store. Don't offer excuses, just say no. Make her do this all on her own to prove she is as invested in the solution as she would like you to be. If she asks why you won't do the simple part you just assigned, mock her. "You're kidding me, right? You're a big girl. I'm pretty sure you can handle buying a few boxes. Let me know when you've got them."

  4. Once she's done what you asked of her, only then do you step in and provide the promised help.

This technique works like a charm. I have avoided wasting my time on so many lazy, unappreciative sucker fish I've lost track of them all. In my experience, very few people make it to step 3. Virtually none make it to step 4. You'll get out of doing the work and come out of the situation smelling like a rose. She will be appreciative of your agreement to help and unable to deny she didn't do her part. Usually the problem goes unresolved, which indicates it was never really a problem to begin with. Sometimes she finds an orbiter willing to do it all for her. More power to them both, if he wants to be her bitch, let him and be glad it's not you.

Occasionally you will come across people who just want to bitch about the same problem over and over again. Quite frankly, I would not spend a lot of time listening to them and zero time attempting to help. They are not interested in resolving their problems, they just enjoy being victims. If the problem is fixed, their victim status disappears and they can't have that. Have you ever fixed a problem for someone only to have them sabotage the results and fall right back into despair? Some people just love to wallow in their misery. It's their identity. I slowly reduce contact with people like this until I have cut them from my life entirely. They're toxic. You don't need them.

TL;DR: Stop saving bitches from themselves. Make them ask for your help and advice. Never give it unsolicited and hold them accountable to do their part before doing yours.