My GF and I are both younger than 30 and have started living together about 1 year ago. She is great — cooks, cleans, and is from a small town in eastern Europe and probably she will look to start a family in a few years.
However, recently I feel like we are too close and I am all the "weaker" because of it. I overeat because she's cooking great food all day, I am watching more TV than ever, and my gym sessions have gone from 6/7 per week to 3 at best. At the same time, she doesn't go out, but also has started hitting the gym like once per two weeks if at all (before it was 3-4 times a week). Now, we are both in good shape, but I want more from every perspective.
Yes, I accept that it is my fault we arrived at this point by living together. What is a realistic way to transition to a more sustainable situation without breaking up? Finding separate housing? I guess that the moment she hears that, she will think break up. But our acceptance of each other's mediocrity keeps fueling more and more mediocrity.
Thoughts?
background — biz owner, lifting for 7 years, ex pro athlete, american living in EU
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3mo ago Stickied
@Typo-MAGAshiv @ObliviousDuck @Durek_The_Bald
If a user posts a question in TheRedPill please direct them to AskTRP instead of answering their question
Typo-MAGAshiv 1 3mo ago
Well spank my ass and call me Charley. I didn't even notice.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3mo ago
I usually immediately notice because of the different flair colors from AskTRP
Hope that helps, Charley
Lone_Ranger 1 3mo ago
This is all fixable.
Have a sit down and revaluate your goals.
The best kind of relationships are when a man focuses on his goals, and lets a 'chosen one' (your LTR) come along for the ride. The mistake is to focus on your LTR or the relationship. That way lies madness. Because it creates a system whereby if she leaves, your world falls apart.
Women behave well when they know that you could walk out the door in the morning, and you'd still have your mission, goals and life. You'd be fine. Everthing goes to shit when the woman nonconsciously realises that she is the centre of your world.
BTW - this is exactly the same with raising children. Children who are put at the centre of the world end up with behavioural issues (primarily anxiety and anti social disorders, such as egotism and narcissism). The correct way to raise children is to make sure that the parents have a good life, and the children can come along for the ride. Children are happiest when the parents focus on creating a strong and healthy family, NOT when the parents focus on the child.
coolsocks00 1 3mo ago
you really gonna blame your laziness on your GF bro?
Typo-MAGAshiv 1 3mo ago
I'm short on time, so this won't be in-depth.
Head to the sidebar at the Married Red Pill subreddit. Read everything there, but mainly Athol Kay's "Married Man Sex Life Primer", Dr. Glover's "No More Mr. NiceGuy", and Dr. Smith's "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty".
Also check out Rian Stone's YouTube channel, mainly the sidebar series.
This will be a marathon, not a sprint.
No outcomes are ever guaranteed.
ObliviousDuck 3mo ago
If your relationship is in trouble and you're new here, your top priority is to STFU right now.
No arguing, no sharing of feelings, no validation seeking.
Then do what @Typo-MAGAShiv said. Read the MRP sidebar and disregard stuff about kids/marriage/divorce if it doesn't apply to you.
Talking of kids, make sure she doesn't get pregnant by "accident".
sostheboss 3mo ago
Not sure this helps. The relationship is better than ever, and I've been around the RP and RP education for 7-8 years now. The problem is our individual goals are suffering... but then again, I guess that will hurt the relationship in the long run...
Durek_The_Bald 3mo ago
Provided she's into you, and doesn't secretly think she can do any better:
If you quit stuffing your face, she'll quit stuffing her face.
If you start working out more, she'll start working out more.
It's up to you to do you, and to lead by example.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3mo ago
OP please post your questions in askTRP and not TheRedPill
TwoInchesOfShaft 3mo ago
Don’t flip out. This is correctable with adjustments in the right direction over a certain period of time. Sounds to me like the situation is not bad and you are generally in good shape with your relationship. Therefore don't make the mistake and nuke your LTR because of overcorrection.
I hope that expectations of her are generally clear and you are not relying on covert contracts here. My LTR and I have the agreement that we stay in very good shape and if not this is a reason for separating. My expectations of her are clear and I lead by example with the inclusion of a good amount of dread. That’s why it’s working.