I've been redpilled for nearly 5 years now. Been spinning plates for as long as I can remember, and even before I knew anything about the red pill, I was really picky when it came to women. I've never been in 'love', nor has there been any girl who could keep me around longer than 6 months.
I know the redpill is all about spinning plates, and focusing on your goals. That's what I'm doing. But I'd lie if I didn't crave for a relationship deep inside. I enjoy the hunt more than the actual sex. Back during summer I was spinning 6 plates at once, and I felt NOTHING. And it got me thinking... over all these years, I've always had difficulties bonding with women. I get turned off extremely quick.
Even before the red pill I've always had this picture in my mind of the perfect woman. I know she doesn't exist, and that's why I feel so empty when it comes to women. Spinning plates doesn't bring me satisfaction anymore. I've tried everything... Multiple plates, spending more time with 1 girl, opening up myself, but it always ends the same... Me ghosting the girl, because I feel so fucking bored by most girls.
Like I said, I don't think this will get better. I'm reaching my goals, and beautiful women come in and go out of my life. That's how it's been like for the past years, but It feels so... empty. I have lots of blue pilled friends, who are so in love with their girlfriends that they are able to spend all their time with them. That's not something I want, but the ability to bond with a girl, is what I'm jealous of. Most girls whom I meet have dozens of red flags, or are just not my type.
Will it get better? Is this a phase I'm going through? Like I said, I'm doing great, but it feels like something is missing. I probably expect too much from women, but I just can't lower my standards. I'm 25 now, and honestly can't imagine spinning plates for another 10+ years, even though that will probably be the case
Lone_Ranger about a month ago
Sounds like you are suffering the effects of the 'consumer' mindset. We live in an age where there is basically no ideology. Nobody seems to believe in the big ideas any more, like religion or socialism or anything that is bigger than themselves. The way we got here was by immersing ourselves in the cult of the individual (focus on self) and consumerism, which is the belief system of late stage capitalism. Right now, consumerism is really the only accepted secular belief system. Our entire society and political systems are all orientated towards the maximisation of consumption, regardless of consequence.
A side effect of this that people can end up treating 'dating' the exact same way as they treat the consumption of other luxury goods. The one thing that consumers all have in common is that they are never happy, as soon as they get what they wanted, they want the next thing. This is how women end up with shoe collections and 35 handbags, and how men end up dreaming of an underground parking system because there is no more space for their car collection. Acquisition is the only thrill. Once you have the handbag / rare 911, the thrill is gone.
Does this sound familiar? Once you get the girl, you loose interest. Maybe the solution is to try and find purpose. Could it be that you have turned 'game' into a quest, that it has taken the place that hunting took in cave man times? this would explain things. Maybe you need to find a higher purpose or calling, other than conquering women. I fell into this trap myself as a young man, and the more 'conquests' I notched up, the more cynical I became. I started to view women as a commodity.
You say you can't imagine spinning plates for another 10 years - I can see what you mean. It seems empty and unfulfilling. Theres' nothing wrong with wanting a proper relationship. We've all met guys that stayed in the single game too long. they end up jaded and lonely. Sure, they can stay in the singles game longer than women, because there is no 'wall' for men, but I'm not sure that it brings any joy in the end.
JamesSkepp about a month ago
Yes, it does. But sounding familiar doesn't mean it's correct.
How is believing in ideology (of socialism for example) going to change my ability to bond with women?
Furthermore, does it have to be a specific ideology, or can this be any ideology as long as the belief is there?
Your assumption is "you don't believe in ideology anymore, so fucking a lot of women doesn't fulfill you". This is like saying "you don't believe in ideology anymore so buying a lot of Lambos doesn't fulfill you anymore". A simple question can be asked: will believing in an ideology while buying lots of Lambos will fulfill you? No, it wont, b/c one has little to do with the other.
The reason this happens to men chasing women is b/c they are operating on BP principles while using RP tools. Here's an "economic" explanation:
Look at people who are poor but who suddenly get a large sum of money, like from overnight success or winning a lottery. They start buying lots of stuff they always wanted, but this wears out and they are never happy.
Does that happen b/c of economy or "consumer mindset"? No, it happens b/c the guy is chasing the wrong thing.
Contrast this with people who don't get rich fast or don't get rich at all, but are happy - this is often b/c they are not directly chasing the mansion or the Lambo, but instead they are "chasing" making better product or service.
In simplest terms this is "enjoyment of the reward" vs "enjoyment of the process".
The same thing happens to guys on RP. They have been told by BP society to chase BP rewards that will fix their life. So when the guys get attractive and have access to more women then before, they keep going through them b/c their entire life they've been told that "getting the girl" is the goal that will transform you into a happy man. And since this girl doesn't fulfill him, maybe the next one will, clearly it must be the women that are in fault, right?
You're supposed to enjoy the seduction/game itself, not merely view it as a chore you need to perform before you "get the girl".
I'm a cubicle wage slave working in data entry for last 10 years. I blame the economy, lack of ideology and "consumer mindset" for the fact that I haven't changed my job for the last 10 years to something I enjoy doing.
Durek_The_Bald about a month ago
Good post. I just wanted to highlight this again, because it's such an important mindset to have in all walks of life.
whytehorse2021 about a month ago
Men bond after mating. Thanks to birth control, that isn't happening for you. After about 6mos your body is saying the woman is infertile.
Intrepid_Place53900 about a month ago
(most girls I meet have dozens of red flags or not my type)
Sounds like you are correctly (not) getting entangled with these women. good.
what does (not my type) mean?
Most women, are not worthy of commitment. The Higher value you are, it gets worse. They have to add "value" to your life.
How can a girl add value to you? What does she need to bring to the table?
nicknack about a month ago
I’ve only found myself colder and less able to bond as the years and body count rack up. After you’ve cut off some genuinely good women because they want marriage, you get a heart of stone.
BabyUareSoSexy about a month ago
Seems like we're in the same boat. Imagine when we're in our 30's with a body count of 100+ women. A heart of stone indeed... You could argue that it's better to spend more time on your goals/hobbies, but still... feels like something's missing.
JamesSkepp about a month ago
This is b/c you are suffering from "long-BP mindset syndrome", to paraphrase the current thing. What I mean is, you're entire life, from the youngest years, you saw men pairing with women. In real life, in movies, in stories on media. You were told "love" is the driving imperative in m-f relations. You were told to find it by finding the one and "bond with her".
But then you found TRP and saw that "the one" is a myth and "the bond" is actually building trust through habituation. You habituate trust to her, by her not breaking it. That's it. Anything else, like similar goals or interests is added bonus, not a requirement, not the core ingredient for "bond", instead it's the pepsi to the burger and fries. You can have pepsi, but water or nothing will be fine too, as long as you trust the core of burger and fries is there.
That habituation is possible b/c she stays with you. She stays with you b/c she's attracted and you are attracted to her. That's it, there's no magical ingredient besides that. IOW by understanding the m-f dynamics you took away the myth of "mysterious bond" connecting you both.
You can prove this by just acting beta/BP with a girl that "loves you", the girl you build the bond with. She will simply turn the lightswitch on you, hence the name of the effect. The bond/love is gone literally in one second, b/c you failed one too many shit tests or showed one too many weaknesses. That's all it takes - and no amount of "bond" can fix that.
You want a bond, but the bond is precluded on her attraction to you. IOW the bond exists ONLY in your head, as an idea of "something more" than just pure attraction.
All the things she admires and likes about you won't fix the fact that she's not attracted. All the things you like and admire about her won't fix the fact that she got fat and you aren't attracted to her anymore.
Long story short, you were indoctrinated by entire civilisation into thinking the BP understanding of the m-f relationships is the real one. You were told to bond, but the bond isn't there when you first date, it's only appears after longer time and it's ONLY in your head. She doesn't think about this, nor does she look for this. Only you do.
Love is conditional. Doesn't mean you can't have a great relationship you seek to have, it only means there are conditional requirements you were not told about.
Durek_The_Bald about a month ago
It's normal - even for red pill men - to want a woman in your life who doesn't give you a reason to ditch her. If it wasn't, we wouldn't have all this talk of vetting strategies and red flag awareness. There would be less of a point to that if the end game was simply to spin plates until retirement. Even spinning plates usually has the expressed purpose of building abundance, and having options, so that you can upgrade your best option to a higher status at some point - rather than choosing from a place of scarcity.
Now, there are guys out there who've made a conscious decision never to cohabitate, marry or to have kids. That is what MGTOW is (ideally). And that's fine, but most red pill men (at least in this space) don't consider themselves MGTOW - which means most red pill men use the toolbox of TRP to eventually have something "more meaningful" or whatever.
There's nothing blue pill about wanting that per se. But that depends on how you frame it, and what your expectations are. If it's "red pill toolbox to reach blue pill goals", then it's blue pill. So when you use words like "bond", or "my type", my suspicion is you still have blue pill expectations of women, and the kind of value they can bring to your life or not.
I've written at least one post before on "wanting a dude with a vagina". I'll try to find it, and link it here. Here: https://www.forums.red/p/theredpill/319083/hidden_gem_post_that_sums_up_many_men_s_rp_journeys/7795872/
(check out the other answers too)
Basically, you probably have some adjustment to do as for what you can expect of women, so that you can learn to appreciate what they realistically can bring to the table (being good chameleons), and ditch expectations of whatever they can't be (dudes with vaginas).
You're 25, so you're in no rush to figure this out. But it might be good for you to give actual LTRs a go. It's not like it's so hard to get out of a non-cohabiting LTR anyways. That too is just for practice, figuring out some other nuances of the game, learning how to lead and to shape an arrangement to be more to your liking. Women are generally fairly shapeable from a guy they're into.
So if they're good prospects, there are a lot of things about them you don't have to put too much stock in from the getgo. Like their "opinions" or "interests" etc. I mean, these things matter, but probably not as much as you think long term. Even the most hardened feminist would turn from the dark side if she had a shot at having a strong man in her life (not that you should make it that hard for yourself though).
Women are essentially chameleons. By and large, they shape-shift to fit the guy they're into. And that's something to really internalise, so that you can interpret that behaviour correctly, and captain them into becoming good 1st officers for you. But for that to happen, you're probably going to have to give some of them a bit more of a chance than you're doing currently. To internalise that dynamic is what is most likely to build relationships that are the most enjoyable to both him and her. She's the chameleon, he's the leader, she projects herself onto him. That is the most congruent dynamic with what we are; leaders (men) and chameleons (women).
As for your blue pill friends, I wouldn't put too much stock in how they describe their relationships. Most likely, if they really are blue pill, they're the ones playing out the role of chameleon in their relationships. The "bond" that they express is merely them projecting onto their girlfriends. And they're emotionally married to the idea of that working out, and them not being sexually frustrated. It doesn't work long term, unless your only measure of relationship success is staying together. Obviously, there's no limit to how much you can cuck yourself just to stay together, but I wouldn't call that "success" or "working out".
Intrepid_Place53900 about a month ago
Good post Durek
(women are essentially chameleons, they shape shift to fit the guy they're into)
this is very true, if a girl is into you, if she wants to keep you, she will try to be what you want. I've had girls come out and actually ask me, what do you want? what do you want me to be?
this is highest form of compliment, it means she wants you and will mold to your frame, what you expect/want her to be. She's saying, I'll follow you.
It doesn't mean she's worth it, that you have to figure out on your own. What is she adding to your life.
mattyanon about a month ago
Sounds like you hope women will somehow magically turn out differently to how they actually are.
Well hold tight, you're in luck...... in a few years you'll be dating 30 year olds, and they will PRETEND to be everything you think you want from them.
BabyUareSoSexy about a month ago
Damn, I'm in for a rude awakening. Post wall women trying to lock you in, because they realize they can't compete with the younger and more beautiful women anymore.