I've been redpilled for nearly 5 years now. Been spinning plates for as long as I can remember, and even before I knew anything about the red pill, I was really picky when it came to women. I've never been in 'love', nor has there been any girl who could keep me around longer than 6 months.

I know the redpill is all about spinning plates, and focusing on your goals. That's what I'm doing. But I'd lie if I didn't crave for a relationship deep inside. I enjoy the hunt more than the actual sex. Back during summer I was spinning 6 plates at once, and I felt NOTHING. And it got me thinking... over all these years, I've always had difficulties bonding with women. I get turned off extremely quick.

Even before the red pill I've always had this picture in my mind of the perfect woman. I know she doesn't exist, and that's why I feel so empty when it comes to women. Spinning plates doesn't bring me satisfaction anymore. I've tried everything... Multiple plates, spending more time with 1 girl, opening up myself, but it always ends the same... Me ghosting the girl, because I feel so fucking bored by most girls.

Like I said, I don't think this will get better. I'm reaching my goals, and beautiful women come in and go out of my life. That's how it's been like for the past years, but It feels so... empty. I have lots of blue pilled friends, who are so in love with their girlfriends that they are able to spend all their time with them. That's not something I want, but the ability to bond with a girl, is what I'm jealous of. Most girls whom I meet have dozens of red flags, or are just not my type.

Will it get better? Is this a phase I'm going through? Like I said, I'm doing great, but it feels like something is missing. I probably expect too much from women, but I just can't lower my standards. I'm 25 now, and honestly can't imagine spinning plates for another 10+ years, even though that will probably be the case