This venue is more bar than night club, but they got a dance floor and a smoke machine with a dj. I showed up in a white tanktop and shorts cause coming here was a last minute decision.
I'll be honest, the night was not going well. From the time people started showing up, I hadn't talked with a girl the first 90 minutes or anyone for that matter. I had no momentum, so I thought I needed to quickly game a chick to get outta my own head, or I won't talk with anyone the rest of the night. I'm watching the floor from my chair and a white HB 7 and what looks like her mom (or aunt) walks up behind me and they're a couple feet from my chair. They're in line for drinks at the bar so I hop outta my chair and just go for it. I approach from the side, cause they're facing each other talking and I'd be in their view.
Me: Excuse me, are you guys related?
Her: No
Me: (Not a mom and daughter) Ah ok, well I thought you were cute, can I get your number?
She paused and said she had a boyfriend (who knows) Me: No worries, just take it as a compliment (and I said that smiling).
That did it, that broke the ice for me. I got back onto the dance floor and was near this group that I eventually joined dancing. A cute hispanic HB 6 was next to me and I thought we were vibing. We made eye contact a few times, nothing like the fuck me eyes. Because we were the floor, conversation was out of the question due to the loud music. So I just pulled out the keypad on my phone and handed it to her, she looked at it then pushed it back. She's only a 6 wtf, 2nd rejection right there. Is my SMV too low? I left that group a couple minutes later and was dancing by myself after that for the most part. Those girls stopped existing to me following the rejections. They got no attention from me after that, I didn't even make eye contact after that.
I was very proud of myself that night. Despite coming home empty handed, I felt very content. I really enjoyed feeling that way, thus I slept very well that night.
Vermillion-Rx Admin about a year ago
This was your first problem, and it probably doomed you regardless of any game you could have used. Every girl you talked to probably instantly or subconsciously assumed that that was your best or typical wardrobe for going out at night, where you ought to look presentable and stylish. Huge mistake SMV-wise
Your opener was literally a closing statement. I don't know what you were expecting having done nothing to build comfort or rapport. Perhaps the cute line might have helped you if she was even remotely interested, but it was attached to a closing line, so it did nothing but hurt you in that set with her.
This is a total copout. You can get close to women in loud bars. They understand. I do it all the time. They even talk practically with their mouth against my ear all the time. (I wear hearing aids, very hard to see ones albeit) and always use that as an excuse to get close. Which inevitably also means you will have to put your arm around their shoulder for balance etc so it doesn't look awkward leaning in
Don't use loud music as a copout to not talk in the future, that's a total waste of kino and justified personal boundary violation opportunities. Just don't be creepy or dumb about how you're getting close and they'll understand.
Like don't get close just to hover next to their lips or something. Your intent might be to be close and have kino excuses, but you should visually appear to have the intent of trying to hear and communicate better
Yes but you were dressed like a 5, so hypergamy.
Was any of your conversation with that chick man-to-woman or was it just small talk and neutral convo? Any teasing, neg hits, sexual tension? Anything? She probably saw your phone and was like "where the fuck is this coming from?"
In the future, dress like you mean it and properly escalate before getting a number. You shouldn't go for the number unless you must. Going for the number should not be your default
1) it indicates the interaction is over anyway, people generally do not trade numbers unless they are parting ways, so it socially makes no sense to them mid-convo (or as an opener)
2) it should be related to why you need it. ie they are leaving and you need to get it (obviously if you don't get it, they're gone). Also you should be having a logical reason for it. Like seeing if they want to do something some time. If they say yes, then take it. Don't just go for it
If you're genuinely vibing and they have to go, you can even get away with saying "let's stay in touch". You need some kind of verbal reason 90% of the time. I have just slid my phone to girls before but the vibe is obviously thick when I do it. I do that when I am absolutely positive they'd give it to me anyway. Non-verbal phone swapping is not smooth if you don't have utmost certainty I'm the set. You'll know when you do, it's unmistakable
I think you should get some of the basics down. A lot of the basics were fundamentally not applied in your sets that night
imtranscending about a year ago
A tank top is that horrible? I almost have 16" arms so they're above average, but wow. I see some chicks who just wear whatever shorts and neon colored top. Do guys really need to be wearing their best? Also can muscles offset dress to some degree? I've seen a few jacked guys take of their shirt at times and dance that way.
I thought that was direct game. From your response, that was actually a closing statement in direct game I'm assuming
around her shoulder like a side hug, or directly coming down on it?
0 conversation man, didn't say a single word to each other. Handing her my phone was a move that came from confidence and not caring about the outcome.
What about other forms of contact info like Instagram? Mine's dry anyways so I prefer the number so I can be aloof.
This is all valuable information, thank you Vermillion. I had mistaken my growing confidence for being game. From all this, it turns out I have 0 game. At least the confidence is there to make basic game work when I do learn. The side bar has nothing on the subject besides the negging section and shit tests.
Vermillion-Rx Admin about a year ago
Inherently? No. At the venue you were at? Yes. Venues are contextual. If you are at a venue and are underdressed for it, the assumption will be that you do not have the status/income/sense/etc to dress for the occasion. This was a bar, but a lot of clubs would have denied you entry for your attire because they want to control for quality.
Men go to clubs for women, clubs don't care what women are wearing, because it is bringing in the men. They do want the men to be presentable though because there are already more men anyway
Your arms might help SMV-wise if they're 16" but again, you're at a bar in a tank top, it does not scream value given the venue and social expectation of the venue. Your physique is made partly irrelevant by the social expectations
Saying they are cute is direct game. Getting a number of trying to is a close. She is probably sitting there like "what the fuck? Is this interaction over already?" If you are throwing out a number close in the opening two sentences
Furthermore, she doesn't know you. What if you blow up her phone? She needs a sense of who you are to feel any security in handing that out. I don't think a girl has refused to give me a number before, I wait for the right moment or don't ask at all
It's hard to explain. Definitely not down, kino should never hurt a girl or exert pressure on her body that would hurt. That downward force would hurt or feel heavy
It's not a side hug either. It's around her, but like my hand is on her shoulder blade, it doesn't go all the way around. Sometimes I put my arm around their back but it's not up high like a side hug. Youre gonna have to watch other men do it
Conversation is needed in game. It's possible to pull off even making out with almost no talk. I did it the other night but it was moreso the girl, not my game. Like seriously, it was the girl, not me. She turned down a dance and then came over and gamed me hard after watching me dance with 10 other women .
You need conversation for the most part. You're not going to "vibe" without it. So many guys would be willing to fuck a hottie from the bar or club without saying a word or even knowing her name, but women need this. She needs to know you have some game, social value, and whether you're a murderer or creep first. Conversation is a must unless you get contextually lucky as fuck like I did.
Same principle. Talk to enough women and you'll realize all the thirsty, creepy shit they get from guys they gave numbers or socials to. You need to game or they'll be taking a gamble. Even if you're not a creep/thirst/stalker, whatever, she doesn't know that. ONLY you know that, and it's your job to give the impression that she can give it out AND wants to contact you, too
Confidence and game have overlap but are not the same. Cannot conflate them.
Pinecones and apples both grow on trees and have overlap in that regard but they are not the same thing, much less not exactly in the same category of plant.
Confidence and game come from the same tree so to speak, but you can't conflate them to be identical in nature despite their strong overlap when there are fundamental differences between the two
No problem man
NeoSpartan about a year ago
Hmmm I only went to a dance club a handful times so I only have one bit of advice that hasnt been said already. Vermillion gave really good advice from what I read btw.
Your clothes probably did you the most harm.. if you got muscle here's the bit that might be useful. Tight sweaters, especially if you got boulders. I've got like 0 game but when I wore that shit with some nice slacks and shoes I got rejected for dances 0 times and a few girls even started grinding on me unprompted. Sort of a classy casual you know? If I had worn my dog walking outfit I'd have probably had way shitter luck.
Think about it, these girls know next to nothing about you. The image you project to them is the most important thing aside from being able to converse smoothly. Maybe more important, because you might not even get the chance to talk without it.
whytehorse2021 about a year ago
Try starting out just giving them a compliment and then leaving. Nothing sexual, just like nice dress or whatever You'll make their day and gain experience without getting thrown out like @IBelieveInTheFallen
imtranscending about a year ago
I know I'm bad but I have the confidence to talk to these chicks. How would boosting their ego for no return benefit me? (I'm trying to connect what you said with what I wrote).
whytehorse2021 about a year ago
It took me a while to realize I'm ugly. Try and figure out if you're getting any indicators of interest. If not, you'll have to backdoor hypergamy with game.
IBelieveInTheFallen about a year ago
I got thrown out because I wasn’t saving any pussy for the rest of them.
imtranscending about a year ago
That sounds like a field report I need to hear
IBelieveInTheFallen about a year ago
More like the club was not really conducive to hookups it seems. No one there seemed to be meeting anyone. Was all people who came in together or with their family I assume. Harder to get girls with their family to dance it seems. So I was the only one trying and when I got rejected I’d spam approach and they kicked me out.
NeoSpartan about a year ago
Oh shit, makes a lot more sense now. But what? Who goes to a club with their family? That's weird af. Like.. parents and shit? Or are you talking sisters or w/e?
IBelieveInTheFallen about a year ago
Idk, there were a few booths and each had older people, maybe 40s, with younger people in their 20s. Just looked like a family thing. On the dance floor, there was no one dancing with a partner for the most part.
NeoSpartan about a year ago
Yeah that definitely doesn't sound like a good place to pick up girls.. Damn dude, your city seems like a no go for night game if that's the best spot. That sucks brother. I feel for ya man.
IBelieveInTheFallen about a year ago
This place was in the bigger city actually, so I thought that it was just me that was the problem and that I had no hope, but I should’ve realized that just because it’s in the bigger city doesn’t mean that it’s good. There are better places. Personally, whenever I’m at a place with rap music like they had then I cannot hang back and enjoy the atmosphere; I have to go find a girl to dance with. If I’m at a place that plays better music, I can take my time because I’m having fun listening to the music or talking to anyone. These rap places are too loud to even talk.
Also, it was Spanish night so idk if that made a difference. Maybe more Spanish families came instead of a different crowd that may usually be there. Either way, I’ve decided that I just will not go to these ghetto places anymore. It’s not my cup of tea, I will go to the ones that play rock or country.
NeoSpartan about a year ago
Yeah, totally get that. Especially with the rap garbage. You can just tune it out and go with the beat if you are engaged in dancing or something but if you are just chilling and scoping its fucking annoying.
When I went I hated standing around, weird thing is that that's what most of the dudes there were doing, just standing around by the hallway, like a dozen or more of em. There were girls sitting alone there too, easy enough to just go up to them and offer a dance so it turned out to be pretty fun. I've never been to a rap one though, just one specific latin place. It also had rap but it was in one specific section of the venue and that wasn't it's main focus, more like a side thing. Have you tried talking directly into their ears? There should be a place by the bar or something that's far enough away from the music to have an actual convo.
Fuck, I wish there were some rock or country places around where I lived though, would definitely prefer that. I think are some like an hour or so away but at that distance it seems pointless.