We do bdsm regularly. I used to tie her up and spank her with a paddle and she loved it.
We went long distance for about a month, i came back and she didnt want me to spank her with a paddle again. But we still did the whole bdsm thing: dominant sex, handcuffs, tied her up, leash, etc.
Lets me choke her, pull her hair, spank her ass (with my hand), but i thought it was a bit weird.
I hate to jump to conclusions here, but is this usually a sign that im no longer the alpha in her life anymore..? Like i have been slotted to BP Boyfriend, and she maybe found a Chad that she lets spank her.
Because i know she loves it, just find it so odd and its something that lingered in my mind afterwards.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1y ago
From your post it sounds like you were the one that had to travel, so it's not like she went to Cancun for a month.
Is it possible that she loved everything but the paddle aspect before and now she feels comfortable enough telling you that she doesn't want it, whereas before she didn't have it in her to tell you?
Could it be that simple? My answer would be different if she stopped wanting to do a bunch of rough stuff with you but it seems specifically about the paddle
Durek_The_Bald 1y ago
Bringing Chad into the equation is definitely jumping to conclusions. It's more likely it has to do with the betaization process of being in an LTR, which to a certain extent is inevitable. Committing is a beta move in itself, so you can't really get around some betaization in an LTR.
Doesn't mean she has Chad lined up on the side to spank her with a paddle, but it does mean she's more comfortable setting boundaries with you than she was before, when she was still pining for your commitment. Withdrawing attention and passive dread (a.k.a. be attractive, don't be unattractive) are probably your best options if she's suddenly set a boundary that's important enough to you.
Welcome to TRP on semi hard mode (cohabitation and marriage is proper hard mode). You need to go about these things smartly when asserting yourself inside an LTR. Don't project onto your girlfriend every hoe story you read/hear on the internet, or it will cloud your mind and make you emotional, things like bringing Chad into it, or some other imaginary rival.
This is about you and whether she might be growing a bit too comfortable with you. Focus only on yourself. Are you becoming a bit of a pudding perhaps? Spending a bit too much of your time and attention on her? Getting sloppy with the lifting and maintaining a social circle independently of her?
Don't ever make her your number one priority...or number two, three, four or five for that matter. And make sure it's genuine, not just a game. Women see through the games once they know you. That means actually keeping busy, actually having other priorities, actually having options, and actually considering yourself first from the moment you wake up in the morning.
But like I said, some betaization is to be expected. So don't go nuts every time you sense a bit of beta creeping up on you. Everything should be judged by what's important to you, not what a bunch of guys on the internet think should be important to you, and not by what every little thing "symbolises" as for what's alpha and what's beta, what's Chad-like and what's Billy-like. Too much of the macro-level stuff, and you'll quickly become autistic, and debase yourself.
Intrepid_Place53900 1y ago
went long distance for a month? what was that about?
she may not love it, women "fake" stuff really well, when they are trying to reel you in.
She reeled you in, now she's setting boundaries like Durek said. Remove some attention, go do more stuff that you want, with or without her, invite her along if you want, say, I"m gonna do this stuff, x,y,z this weekend. Let her ask , what about me? Say, sure, you can join me if you want.
Remember, it's your life, you lead, she can follow, if you want her to.
mattyanon Admin 1y ago
LTR for how long?
Anything else chance during the 1 month LDR?
lmann817 1y ago
Considering she’s happy to let you completely you dominate her in other ways, I’m going to guess it’s too painful for her. The man really does need to look out for the physical well being of his partner with these kinds of extreme acts.
I’d just ask her about it after you bang. Ordinarily I don’t prefer direct communication, but I think there’s a need to be clear with this kind of stuff.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
Spanking hurts. I might let someone do it to me once to explore it but then stop it thereafter.