I've (25M) been in my first legitimate relationship for about 8 months now with my gf (25F), but I don't know if I should end things.
Something to note, I didn't date much at all in college or the following two years. It's something I deeply regret because I really love to party and I'm jealous of others who got to experience the hookup culture, but I was studying computer science/working and I was pursuing FIRE (financially independent retire early) in hopes of becoming financially independent to travel the world. I'm at the point now where I could quit my job and go travel/do whatever (excluding a significant crash in the economy). Additionally - not to sound arrogant but just to give a little more highlights about myself - I lift weights six times a week, learned to play the piano last year, played soccer/basketball/tennis in high school, good at dancing, and come from a wealthy family.
I've known my gf since preschool, and we attended catholic middle school and catholic high school together. Her family knows my family well through our older siblings too. Her best friend is also engaged to one of my best friends (we're likely to be the maid of honor and the best man).
My gf and I got together after hooking up at my friend's lake house on the 4th of July. Throughout the relationship she has been great. She is almost finished with PA school, she stays in shape (played soccer in college, volleyball and soccer in high school, gymnast when she was younger), she adores her dad/family, doesn't post much at all on social media, she comes from a wealthy family but doesn't seem to be spoiled, she is conservative, and she seems to have genuine desire for me (although I'm inexperienced with dating, I do plenty of research and try to learn from others). Unfortunately, there are some red flags that I am having difficulty getting over, but I don't know if it's just me or not.
One of the red flags is she has been taking a SSRI and a mood stabilizer for about ten years now. She attempted suicide twice when she was younger (late middle school and high school I think). I'm someone who strongly disagrees with theses medications (other than in extreme cases like suicide prevention) and my gf knows she can't take them while pregnant and breast feeding. Furthermore, when we talked about her getting off the medication, she told me she was a raging bitch before getting on her medication. Then when I told her later that same week that I don't think I can continue to commit and invest time into our relationship until I see firsthand what she is like when she's not on her medication. She told me she did herself a disservice by saying she was a raging bitch and that she more-so just gets sad and cries (better than raging bitch but not something I would want to come home to everyday).
Another red flag is her promiscuity in college. She started having sex in like 7th grade with her bf that is kind of a loser, then also had sex with a degenerate guy freshman year of high school. Then she got in a longterm relationship with a pretty good dude for much of high school and college (they broke things off a couple of times and she had sex with a couple of guys). Then when her longterm bf and her ended things junior year of college, she was living in a house with some of her soccer teammates and she jovially told me she went through a hoe phase. During this phase, she slept with 8 different guys her last year of college and had a thing for black guys (nothing against black men, but my gf and I are both very much white lol). When I expressed dissatisfaction for her hoe phase, she claimed she was trying to date these guys and was attracted to them. Then when I wasn't satisfied with that answer, she said she was insecure and didn't value herself at the time, and was embarrassed because these guys just used her for sex.
When I asked why her and her longterm bf broke up (they were trying to do long distance in college), she told me she lost attraction for him. I also heard through my gf's best friend's fiance that he cheated on her, but I also heard through the bf's best friend that she was crazy - so I have no idea.
Another red flag is she has a more masculine energy. She was definitely a feminist during my time in school with her, but it hasn't been an issue in our relationship and I tried to nip any feminist energy in the bud when we first started dating.
Idk if this is a plus or a negative on my gf (definitely a negative on me), but I had a conversation with my gf a week before I went out of town for a boys trip for new years. During that conversation, I expressed that I didn't think we were compatible longterm and I was kind of half-heartedly breaking up with her (this is my first real relationship mind you). She refused to let us end things and insisted we needed to date longer. So we stayed together but it felt like things had ended. Then when I was out of town, I slept with another girl (worst feeling I have ever felt because I'm not someone that sleeps with strangers and I know how heartbroken it was going to make my gf). When I got home, I immediately called my gf over and broke up with her without telling her what happened when I was out of town. Then she kept texting me and telling me this was a mistake, and she took me out for my birthday. We talked for a long time and decided to get back together. But before we did, I told her what happened when I was out of town for new years. She was obviously very hurt and we talked it through, and she forgave me (which kind of makes me inclined to believe she's done something similar in the past and was thus willing to forgive me so quickly).
I know what the red pill community says about these red flags, but if we're being honest how many college athletes sleep around in college and how many girls nowadays are on some kind of depression/anxiety medication? I guess my worry if I break things off with my gf is that I'll find a 24 year old gf in a couple of years when I'm 27, and she'll have the same issues as my current gf but less of a life-long bond my gf and I have. But that would give me time to go travel the world/party/sleep around so if a future gf has a promiscuous past, it won't bother me as much.
whytehorse2021 1y ago
I'm guessing she takes hormonal birth control which makes her a raging bitch without SSRIs.I'd give your marriage an 80% chance of failure based on her n-count. You're not really missing out on anything in the hook up culture. If you have so much money you can just go to SE Asia/Mexico/etc and hook up with hoes for less than a date in the West. I gotta admit it does satisfy our instinct to spread our seed when you cum in lots of random hotties.
Guyandtheroadtovictory 1y ago
Yo bro,
Some time ago made a quick video response to a similar vibe question https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUOhrgkrf6c (if it helps, would appreciate a like)
Symptoms are not important but the cause of the pain is - compatible partner is a must, because all relationships (even plates) are affecting how you think at the subconscious level and it is the matter of - if they bring you up, or drag you down.
college athletes sleep around in college? - From my experience, Europe - those who work for professional future, smaller amount. Those who are just for diploma - damn.. so much stories heard.
how many girls nowadays are on some kind of depression/anxiety medication? - in a matter of fact, this tendency rises because of the fact that women who gets in professional/job environment quantity is getting bigger and bigger, divorce rates are up each year and the competition for "beauty standards" are getting in young female heads more and more. in a summary - older women less then younger women from what I experienced and from 10, 2 on some shit.
redpillschool Admin 1y ago
If antidepressants are a deal breaker for you, then that's that.
But remember you had this moment when you broke up with your girlfriend over antidepressants 10 years from now when your future woman is futs as nuck and all you wish she'd do is take a god damn prozac.
SlipSunnySIde 1y ago
The biggest red flag by far is the "hooked up with losers" first thing. That's her imprint, that's her normal self-destructive nature. The loser druggies are the hot guys to her and they STILL ARE. you're the safe bet. My advice: get the best she'll give you, slowly lose interest in her after giving her a ton of attention. She'll compensate and then give better. Her SSRIs = low sex drive, it's a trap! Her birth control makes her attracted to "safe guys", and "that's you!"
coolsocks00 1 1y ago
Thats like one positive paragraph and five negative ones. I wont blow smoke up your ass by saying it's easy to find a perfect long term partner, but this girl is surely far from it.
You have many, many good years ahead of you to both have your share of good fun, and also to find a great, vetted, LTR. And by then you could be in a position to actually know how to work a LTR.
Dont get stuck with this girl for long. Look at the positives and enjoy it for a time if you wish, but i suggest demoting her or cutting her loose.
No-Stress-Cat 1y ago
Word of advice from a man who's first wife was manic/depressive with BPD: DO NOT MARRY THIS GIRL AND FOR GOD'S SAKE DO NOT HAVE KIDS WITH HER. She was young, she told me she was a virgin (big lie I figured out later), she went to college, and though she was from a devout Muslim family, she was relaxed in practice. She was very much a strong and independent woman. She was gorgeous. As long as she was taking her meds, she was cool.
She got pregnant, we got married, and then shit started hitting the fan. She had to come off the meds, no way around it. A normal pregnant woman gets hormonal: she laughs, she cries, she gets angry, she takes it out on you, normal shit you just deal with. A pregnant woman with BPD? Welcome to your worst nightmare. Hormonal pregnant woman amplified by 10,000. Your world is going to be a living fucking hell. In my case, I had 2 kids with her. That's 3 years of living In the Mouth of Madness (watch the movie, you'll get it). I barely made it out alive after being with her for only 5 years.
My advice is to dump her now. It's not fair to her, and it's especially not fair to you and your sanity. Never mind she was a hoe bag back in the day. If she has to come off those meds, your are in for a world of pain. I'd rather have Freddy Kreuger finger fuck me with his whole glove than go through that again. I'm telling you, young brother, you are no where near qualified to handle that kind of emotional and physical trauma. Women like her need SERIOUS therapy.
Drugs can't fix mental illness, only mask the symptoms. You will never have a normal life with this woman. Heed my advice: get rid of her now, before it's too late.
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woodsmoke 1y ago
This is likely the truth. She was batting out of her league but getting sport fucked by Chad and Tyrone is fun and young people, particularly young women, are abjectly terrible at considering the long-term consequences of pursuing short-term gratification.
This has the ring of beta bait she manufactured after you made it clear her first explanation was not acceptable.
Except it will - and it should. Promiscuity is a vice. It's generally more damaging to women than it is to men but it's not good for either.
That's not to say you should necessarily rule out a relationship with a woman based strictly on the number of previous partners she's had. People can learn from their mistakes and correct bad behavior, and it's on you to figure out whether that's the case here. That said, the only time you should unconcerned with a woman's promiscuous past is when you know she doesn't have one.
imtranscending 1y ago
Interesting take, I'm glad to see an opposing opinion here. Why? Here's my take.
Promiscuity isn't damaging for men considering the consequences of dealing with a damaged woman. Women are damaging themselves and it has never been more important for men to know what they're getting themselves into.
1) We can have the satisfaction of seeing more than woman (due to our biological imperative we're easily capable of separating the act of sex from love). Now for the more important reason. 2) The experience gained from promiscuity leads to greater understanding of female nature, hypergamy, and LTR vetting.
Lacking that experience can be severely consequential as we can entangle ourselves with a problematic woman. Think of a girl who has been ran though, then sells you on her purity convincing you to commit. How can one expect to vet such a woman without the knowledge that comes from past experience? Seems impossible to me. If you've gotten that far and have decided to settle as beta bucks, well then good luck trying to make that work with the typical Hollywood depicted wisdom you get from Dr. Phil.
woodsmoke 1y ago
Can ≠ should, and a man doesn't need to personally go out and sleep with dozens of women in order to learn about female nature. I've had casual sex fewer than a dozen times, only dated three women in the past 16 years (all three relationships totaling maybe a year and a half) and have spent the vast majority of my adult life single and alone. Despite this I have a fairly solid understanding of how women generally operate due to discussing the subject with other, more experienced men and simply observing women's behavior.
My experience, as well as that of wiser men whose judgment I've learned to trust, is men who indulge in promiscuous behavior are often very nearly as broken as the women they're fucking. At the very least, such behavior speaks to a lack of personal discipline. At worst it's an indication of deeper psychological problems, no different than any other addiction.
r3z01v 1y ago