I don't really know how to begin, this is more of just a ramble since I can't share this with anyone I know. Just kind of looking for advice/off my chest post.

23, ~140lbs, 5'11", just recently got going hard again in the gym after a back problem. 90% of my life I've been a social outcast. More introverted, hard for me to meet people. Not necessarily from being creepy, just kind of self destructive in a way, because most people I do talk to say they'd never think of me as shy or introverted. Let me say though that it's probably still damage from when my dad died when I was 11. Since then, I've grown up in a mom-and-sister household. No male role model essentially and, truthfully, I raised myself off early 2010s internet

Been with about 1 woman who pity fucked me shortly after high school when I went to a college in person. During that time I joined a frat, kind of broke out a bit and became social.

That was when I was 18. Didnt experience anything but a few flings in high school. Only hung out with drug using losers that were 3-4 years older than me during my youth too But since that first college I'm now doing online because I work full time to support myself. I've really only just worked and gone home since high school ended. I'm becoming seriously concerned that my "prime" is escaping me. The prime I didn't ever use. My irl friends who are my age, which is about 3 or 4 people, are all either states or cities away and we only see each other a couple times a year. I work in a hospital doing IT and my coworkers are all 40+ years old. Before this I was at a golf course with geezers and, again, people much older than me.

Fuck man. I just don't really know. My confidence for anything is just dead and buried. I don't meet anyone irl, and all I get on dating sites is fat fucking whales liking me every blue moon. It's at this point I don't even make eye contact with women irl because my confidence has been lowered so much. I don't try to befriend other guys because I'm just worlds different than most people my age. I've been honestly blackpilled for probably most of my life, but going to the gym helps a bit. My friends never give me advice for shit though they themselves are all getting laid and making friends, nor do they ever take me out to meet people. It's now bred some animosity on my end.

Again, this is more of an off my chest thing. Things my friends don't care to hear about and certainly not my coworkers. Does any of this ever get better? Or have I been damaged goods for far too long now? It's began to really feel like the latter.