I know a lot of veteran Red pill guys already know this, but it was something that clicked in my brain the other day that made me understand this dynamic in a much more simplified way so I figured i'd share, hopefully it helps someone else out.
I imagine a females feelings towards a guy like a scale (ie the scales of justice). One side of the scale is labeled "attraction", while the other side is labeled "Comfort". These two sides move in opposition to each other, its basically impossible to get them to direction at the same time. You as a guy can 'add weight' to the attraction side of the scale by increasing a girl's anxiety (through various means, one of which is creating dread or competition anxiety). Or you can 'add weight' to the comfort side by showing your commitment and love for her, and making her feel secure in your relationship. The problem though is when you add weight to either side of that scale, the opposite side of the scale goes in the opposite direction. Attraction goes up? comfort goes down. Comfort goes up? attraction goes down.
When you add weight to the comfort side of the scale, her attraction and raw desire for you will start to decrease (not saying it will disappear entirely) but it will lessen. Blue pill guys tend invest put all their 'weight' on the comfort side of the scale, and as a consequence her raw lust for them dwindle. When the blue pill guy sees his wife/gf no longer wants to have sex with him he believes the solution is to add even more weight to the comfort side of the scales which only exacerbates the problem. This lead to dead bedrooms and to the point where their wife/gf fells literal revulsion every time her husband/bf tries to touch her or initiate sex with her. Because her attraction towards these types of guys is so low, she just uses them for resources. he's the safe guy. she has no attraction towards him, but she knows he wont leave her and he will provide for her offspring. These guys often also get cheated on due to her desire to be with a man that gives the tingles/ignites that raw lust and passion that her 'comfortable' husband cant because he never invested any of his 'weight' in attraction/anxiety.
In contrast the guys who are "assholes" put all their 'weight' onto the 'attraction' side of the scale. They are aloof, cheat on the girl, flirt with other girls, don't text them back etc... Attraction and anxiety are basically two sides of the same coin for girls. So by increasing her anxiety, he in turn increases her attraction to him. This guy who puts all his weight onto the attraction side of the scale gets lots of benefits; girls throwing themselves at them, voluntarily being his booty call, having a rotation of girls etc... however this type of relationship (all attraction and zero comfort) is naturally going to be toxic and will have a very low long term success rate if he wants to make her more than a plate.
I now see why being married while being red pill is referred to as 'red pill on hard mode' because it is a constant balancing act of keeping a girl attracted enough to want to keep fucking you, but also maintaining enough comfort as to not pump her anxieties TOO high and create a toxic relationship.
If you've ever played with a scale you'll know it's 10x easier to just throw all your weight on one side of the scale, and obviously if you're red pilled you realize the outcome of throwing all your weight on the attraction side of the scale leads to a much better outcome than throwing it all into the comfort side of the scale. But if you're long term goals include a 'long-term monogamous relationship' you're going to have to be on top of your game at all times. making sure one side of the scale doesn't get too far out of balance, otherwise that is when you'll start having problems in your relationship.
ColdHeart 4y ago
Pathetically contemptible nature. Enabling toxicity because they feed off of it. Hilarious lol
[deleted] 4y ago
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Intrepid_Place53900 1 4y ago
(I now see why being married/LTR while being red pill is referred to as "red pill on hard mode")
It's tough to do long term for sure. Having to keep frame constantly, not show feelings, not say what you really want to say,etc.
The attraction side is for sure the way to go, if you improve yourself, including SMV, it will keep her in line.
One of the things not discussed much is the vetting process itself. Much of a LTR with a woman is going to be based on her, AWALT but to what degree? Does she really want this to work, she gets it? She know's what a man wants,etc?
You can do a great job, but if your woman is not on board, it won't work of course. Her RMV needs to be there and she needs to want it to work.
An example is once getting married or into a LTR, she stops going to gym (you still go), she gains weight (you don't). She's comfortable, too comfortable, she thinks she has you hooked and reeled into the boat. My girl was getting a bit soft and I in a round about way, let her know. She wasn't happy about the hint. I let her know In a calm and easy manner that, I DNGAF if she is or not. She immediately lost the weight and is back to the gym.
I (in a non-asshole) way, let her know I was not happy with her changes.
She got upset and tried to take frame over.
I stayed calm and kept frame and just carried on. I dropped it after that. In the next few days I did not bring it up.
She then changed her eating and workouts to get back in shape.
This one example which will probably happen a few times a year. She wants to relax , doesn't need to be in prime shape because we are comfortable and committed. Makes sense to her, but I'm not on board, I don't want flab and like some muscles on my girl. Makes wrestling more fun.
She'll challenge me on travel, buying things for the house, and so on. It doesn't end. This is AWALT.
But to what degree is your girl AWALT. Mine is manageable. Just need to guide her a bit in the right direction and she will get it. She even say's sometimes that she just has to STFU. Love that. All on her own.
Jester 4y ago
100% agree, both you and your LTR became attracted to each other for certain reasons. and if either partner decides to pull a bait and switch (ie getting fat and lazy) they are blatantly disrespecting their partner... most blue pill guys don't have the balls to address the issue though, let alone actually walk away if she doesn't change her behavior (or in this case appearance). so they continue to 'let themselves go' because they know their man won't do shit about it. good on you for having boundaries and enforcing them with your LTR.
whytehorse2021 4y ago
I've been married 17 years bro. It's not hard. It's just so easy to go 100% beta because there are no threats these days. You can be a fat lazy dude and still put food on the table.
hannulv 4y ago
Rollo makes the distinction between "Arousal" and "Attraction".
Arousal is anxiety-driven by alpha behaviors and Attraction is the set of positive beta behaviors that provide comfort and security. Comfort and anxiety don't coexist very well, but there is physiological system in place that causes women to cyclically need different things at different times: the ovulatory cycle.
Women are most attraction-seeking around ovulation, and most comfort seeking on the downcycle. So in shorthand, three to four days after menses, escalate aloofness, sexual aggression, and sexual dominance for about a week and a half. Then slowly increase comfort behaviors on the downside until the menstrual cycle completes. A relationship can't survive zero comfort or zero anxiety. It is better to err on the side of low comfort, but throw in a little extra comfort on each down cycle.
Some things will always provide low-level anxiety - being a man other women desire. Some things will always provide low-level comfort: Good job, shit together, takes care of responsibilities, physical strength, fighting/combat skills, etc.
Jester 4y ago
yes I've heard rollo talk about this. also read from a rp post that you are more likely to get comfort tests during the luteal phase (the two weeks before menstruation). the girls hormones drive her emotions to seek comfort and security because if she got pregnant prior to the luteal phase it behooved women throughout human history to get commitment from the man (or any man for that matter) to stick around to help her and her offspring... hence why comfort tests are more common durinf the luteal phase.
so yeah if I decided to do a other ltr I'll probably have her give me access to her 'cycle' app andy modify behaviour accordingly to what her hormones are driving her to seek out at specific times of the month. not sure if I'll stick with that but it would be interesting to see how strongly her behavior correlates to what phase she is in