So here's the shituation. I have been red pill aware for about 2 years now. I backslid badly during my first 'red pill relationship' and got summarily dumped because of it, but since then I have been playing the field for about a year - tinder hookups, nothing special, no commitment etc. Maintained the 'abundance mindset' no matter what was going on. Fucked them good, but didn't chase any of them, and always made sure they knew I would walk out the door and become unavailable if my needs were not being met. It always paid off, and the last year has been great.
I use this recent example first as a point of comparison: I went on a Tinder date about a month ago and it was all par for the course - she messaged me after matching, and she proposed the date. Within a couple of hours I was sitting on her tits with my dick down her throat, because I made her feel that if we didn't have sex, there might not be a second date - classic FOMO. Needless to say, she is an absolute whore with a triple digit body count, but a lot of fun and gives blowjobs that can only be described as aggressive. In any case, I made it clear I was not interested in a relationship, but she started trying to reel me in so I backed off and cancelled the next fuck-date.
In the meantime, I had already organised another Tinder date with a girl from a different town who happened to be passing through and really wanted to meet. I assumed from her texts and her behaviour that she was just ovulating and wanted to fuck a stranger whom she'd likely never see again. That's what I was expecting - an average looking woman on the hunt for a quickie.
However it didn't pan out like that at all. The moment we first made eye contact, I was stunned and totally thrown off my game. I tried to hold it together, but she could see me stumbling and so she took over the frame. We had the gayest date ever, holding hands and making out on the waterfront in the moonlight etc. I felt like I was in a trance, an alternate reality - totally blind sided by her presence. The worst part was that I actually enjoyed it and felt like I was falling in love.
It was disgusting.
We couldn't keep our hands off one another and almost did it in a parking lot, but we didn't, because by that stage I had already agreed to a second date, and so the FOMO was gone. Plus it was late and she still had to drive over 100 miles to get back home for work in the morning, so after a lot of kissing and goodbyes, we parted ways.
Anyway, that was Tuesday, and she is driving back up here on Friday night (24 hours from now) for a proper fuck session at my place. I have never wanted anyone so badly, and it's been a long time since my thoughts have been so focused on one person. I can feel myself sliding back into beta mode. I am keeping it under control because she is not here, and I am staying as stoic as I can with my texts - logistics only etc.
However, when she arrives at my flat tomorrow evening, especially once we've had sex - I am worried that my balls are gonna shrivel up, and I'm gonna start subconsciously qualifying for commitment.
She is beautiful, 6 foot tall, nice booty and batshit crazy - tons of red flags and in no way girlfriend material. And yet despite all that, I feel like I am getting one-itis. I've fucked and dated women who were both 'hotter' and less crazy than she is, yet she somehow seems more appealing and arousing than any of them ever did.
Why has this happened? The more I talk about it, the more I can step back and retain my objectivity, but I am not out the woods yet. I already know the sex is going to be amazing, there is no way it can't be - but at this stage I am honestly worried about premature ejaculation, which I only had once many years ago.
Do any of the pros and veterans here have any thoughts? Why do I feel like I am back at square one?