I had a girl in my apartment last month.
I ran a good game, had her practically melting in my arms. She’d initiate touch, trying to tickle me, locking fingers with me, putting my arm around her shoulders and snuggling up to my chest. Lovely girl, dark hair, grey eyes, easy 9. Right there, exactly where any guy could’ve wanted her to be.
I hugged her on the way to the door, kissed her before she got in her car, and then went about the rest of the night happy with myself. But with time, she stopped flirting and texting and smiling at me. She started leaving me on read. And I wasn’t happy with myself anymore. I’d missed my opportunity.
Why didn’t I do it when I had the chance? That night, when she was practically begging me to fuck her?
Because I was afraid.
What was I afraid of?
I was afraid of her rejecting me.
I was afraid she wouldn’t want me to.
In my heart of hearts, I knew all along that I could have had sex with her, but I wasn’t willing to take the risk, however small it was, and risk my pride, risk failure.
Even though I was 90% sure she wanted it, I was 10% sure she didn’t, and because I didn’t accept the odds, I froze.
Now I spend every day kicking myself.
Rejection is so much better than regret. Anything is better than regret.
Take a gamble now and then. Weigh the odds, but don’t dwell on them. You have good instincts and a lot of brain power. Use your mind to determine a good decision, and then commit to it.
But don’t be me. Forcing yourself to sit awake at night hating yourself because you couldn’t do what could’ve so easily been done.
Just a little reminder of the visceral sting of regret. Trust me. I’d rather be rejected a million times over than have to deal with another instance of regret, like a little ghost, haunting me ever after.
Sure. There will be more opportunities, but this post isn’t about the importance of abundance. That’s a given. However, options mean nothing if you won’t risk being rejected by them. I need to drive this point home for the individuals who think too much.
Think quicker. Then stop thinking. Step out. Move forward. Or you’ll be beating your meat with tears in your eyes every night while the dumb guys who happened to have bigger balls than you get laid in the next room.
He who hesitates, masturbates. Remember that.

Odd_String 6y ago
Great post. No risk, no reward.
hammerhearth 6y ago
I met a girl at a party a few weekends ago. After we stumbled out drunk she looked me in the eyes and said she'd come home with me. I thought about it for a bit, as we were both intoxicated, and told her we'd grab a drink in a couple of days. After we met up again - and after a couple of drinks - she looked me in the eyes again and told me about how she constantly feared that her ex boyfriend would one day beat her.
I mean, to each their own. Sometimes that 10% fear you have in your gut is all you really have. There's a scarier fate than rejection.
Always listen to your gut.
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phibetared 6y ago
OP you get way too much emotional candy from feeling bad. "Look at me, I'm hurt (but don't do what I did)". It's part of your identity. It's ugly, get rid of it.
You are so into that identity that YOU missed a sure thing so you could feel the pain again. And then write too many paragraphs re-telling it. No wonder she bailed.
(And for everyone else, yeah, if she's all over you and you DON'T give her what she wants, she will lose interest in you)
UpperRedSide 6y ago
Um, who are you?
Some kind of shrink I suppose, who can suddenly tell me what my identity is by reading a few paragraphs I’ve written.
How do so many people in this sub get their heads so far up their asses?
phibetared 6y ago
I'm not the one who blew a chance for sex with a "9". It wasn't because you feared rejection. It was because you enjoy wallowing in the emotions you have afterwards. Look at the attention they can get you! You wrote a lengthy post about it!
My comments are accurate. Maybe you'll realize it some day.
Kobano 6y ago
I'm not sure if I completely understand this or if I'm asking the right questions. But what must I do to overcome this? What mindset should I have?
420KUSHBUSH 6y ago
Considering the comments before mine have all touched on not going for a homerun and regretting it afterwards, I will instead offer another insight I myself have discovered
You may hold presumptions about some people although I will specifically talk about women since this post is about intimacy with women. Looks are often deceiving, just because you may think a woman is one way does not mean she really is
I'm cool with finding this lesson out now although if you have even a slight tinge of attraction to her, go for the approach. Once you get that initial rapport going then you can delve into her character and go from there
nietaknie 6y ago
Exactly, had the same situation with my friend, she was basicly begging me to have sex, she gave me this stare to do something and I did none.
UpperRedSide 6y ago
It’s that stare. It’s goes from thirst to disappointment when they realize you’re a scared little bitch. Shit cuts.
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Hamlet_Prime 6y ago
“He who hesitates, Masturbates.” Should be carved into the Washington monument hahahahahaha
Chadster113 6y ago
I'm gonna go against the grain here and say that this is the type of attitude that breeds oneitis. Having too much regret about a missed sexual encounter is just another form of onetitis. It's putting too much value on the female gender in the first place.
This is the wrong mindset to have
AceDudee 6y ago
Well i had a similar experience recently, actually i've learned about TRP after this:
I went out with this girl, end up staying with her the whole weekend on her place, it was the best experience i've had, she made me breakfast, treated me really nice, sex was great, every time i wanted she gladly complied, she texted me during the next week (even though i wanted to keep some distance so i wouldn't screw up), she invited me over again so i spent another weekend with her, this second weekend was awesome still, but not so great, she had plans with her friends, and i lost 2 opportunities to fuck her, one when she lay down to take a nap, where i should have followed and i would get for sure, the second when she left the shower naked, i didn't wanted to make her get late to her friends meeting (really stupid), also i thought she would want to see me next week, since there was lots of signs she liked me (overconfidence also's a bitch), the next week she barely texted me, so stupid as i was, kept texting her and trying to get her to meet me again, in this 2 weeks we spent together she gave me some signs so i thought she wanted a LTR and i thought that keeping distance would make me lose her, i wanted to stay in touch, but i've tried too much then she stopped replying my texts, no explanation, that's when i started looking for self improvement to understand where i screw up and that's when found TRP.
I see now all the mistakes i made, also she's not my only option, i had sex with another girl a week before her (somehow that came up while we were doing it and she didn't even bother) probably helped to instill competition anxiety, also i have at least 5 girls whom i'm texting that i'll probably fuck on the next days, but she was the best i had as a package and if i knew this before i would take this 2 opportunities to fuck her and leave a better memory and that
"i want more feeling" also i wouldn't have insisted and over texting, probably would've kept her as an option.
But at least i learned and won't make the same mistakes, also at first it bothered me a lot, even knowing i had options, but then it hit me, that's room for a better girl, lesson learned and live goes on.
ugluk1 6y ago
In the end, it doesnt't matter either way.
rad_dynamic 6y ago
Everything is pointless. We all die and all of our concerns are forgotten for eternity. But we can still care. At the end of the day everyone comes to this sub because they care at least a little bit about the world.
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EliteAlmondMilk 6y ago
Damn, when she was cuddled up to you I think that would have been the time to just kiss her ear and let that lead to making out.
Yeah we've all been there. Fortunately you learn that even if they reject you, IME women are pretty kind about that kind of thing, I don't think I've ever had like a mean rejection. They understand the burden that we bear.
whatsthisgarg 6y ago
Well, son, the funny thing about regret is, it's better to regret something that you HAVE done than to regret something that you HAVEN'T done.
I've lived as many years before this came out as after, and I can tell you, it is true.
AdventurousParsnip2 6y ago
It is definitely true, coming from a young guy. I can hardly recall any moments where I wished I didn't do something, but I can come up with entire lists of moments where I regretted not done something.
Heizenbrg 6y ago
I literally got two girls I met in a hotel elevator to come drinkin my room, I had smoked weed before and got lost taking , ended up getting them bored and no sex lol happens
l4w_z0ne 6y ago
Except when it's hard drugs
Heizenbrg 6y ago
Eh I know a guy that’s done it all, sure he’s a weirdo But had been through shit and is making a ton of money
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PotatoWatt 6y ago
This. I've worked my ass off to lose my virginity, finally got into a situation just like you, pussied out and the girl lost interest. Here I am still a virgin.
One thing is fucking sure, next time im in the same situation i'll remember the pain it caused by not trying and i'll fucking do it... NEVER again. Fucking feels like I fell and hit my head and it hurt for months... When you hit the bottom, you will remember how it looks and then there is only one way: up
Angelrun 6y ago
I’ve faced so much regret in my life and it eats away at me. No more.
kaolin224 6y ago
We've all been there, bro.
I was blue pilled moron halfway through college and it wasn't until years later that I understood that I missed dozens of sure things because I didn't take a shot.
Check out this gem from my hall of shame:
I had a hot filipino chick sitting on my bed that I brought from the party downstairs. Had a crush on her for a while. Cute as hell, smart, liked the same music, etc.
I thought everything was according to plan, just us two in my apartment now, but instead of going for it, I sat down on the bed beside her and we started talking... And talking... And talking...
Five hours of her obviously flirting with me, and me too scared to do anything but chat her up. Politics, world events, her hopes and dreams (why?!), past relationships (wtf?!).
She ended up getting back with her ex the following day and they've been married for almost 15 years.
I find out from her friend over a decade later, who also admitted to wanting to fuck me too, that bedroom girl "tried everything she could, but I guess he didn't like me..."
I try not to think about those times because it makes me want to punch myself in the dick.
the-brd 6y ago
Lesson learned, don't overthink it.
cupshadow 6y ago
A helpful way to deal with regret is to see them as necessary steps to your growth. I thank my blue pilled and coward past self for making me deal better with girls today.
kenpachitz 6y ago
I know I should be the last person in this entire sub to ever judge someone over something like this but even then, that hurt to read.
My condolences dude.
kaolin224 6y ago
No worries, my dude.
I was teased mercilessly afterwards by my friends who were already red pilled (but who are now mysteriously blue pilled after marriage?) and that kickstarted my shift.
We all have the same goal, but different ways of getting there, and there's no better teacher than experience.
420KUSHBUSH 6y ago
Only through larger bouts of suffering do you stand to grow the most
BFirebird101 6y ago
I dealt with this 5 years ago. Told myself it’d never happen again & it hasn’t.
BastaHR 6y ago
I'd rather face peace of mind.
yeahmaybe2 6y ago
Outcome Independence.
I'm OK either way.
entrep4 6y ago
100% agree with this. In fact, you SHOULD always go for it if you think the girl likes you. No matter if you think she'll say yes or not. It doesn't hurt to try. It could even be beneficial.
I went on a couple of dates with a girl while on holiday one year. I kissed her at the end of the first date and she seemed into it, so for the second date I tried to get her in bed. Followed the usual rules of red pill, gave her a nice excuse to come back to my Airbnb, eventually got her into bed. She didn't let me go as far as I wanted but she seemed super into me after that. Even though we don't live in the same country she still texts me sometimes and suggested I could come and visit her.
Girls like to be desired sexually by men they like. And if she doesn't like you then you're wasting your time anyway. Therefore there's literally no downside to trying
Heizenbrg 6y ago
Lol how the fuck do you miss a chance like that were you high?
UpperRedSide 6y ago
I was a virgin calm your titties.
Heizenbrg 6y ago
You mean by muscular pecs? Lolol but good shit we’ve all beeen there. It’s good you keep remembering and hating yourself for it so you don’t fuck up again
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skxch 6y ago
I don’t understand why guys have trouble initiating physicality. Maybe it’s my upbringing , maybe it’s the decade of self-help red pill, but I just don’t even get it anymore.
Point is, when you start doing it , it becomes natural, and you have trouble identifying with that state of mind anymore.
Keep hustling. Don’t live in regret. Regret what you haven’t done, not what you have.
Fulp_Piction 6y ago
You shit yourself because you have the pussy on the pedestal my friend. If you didn't you wouldn't be overcome with regret.
Awokeeleven 6y ago
Yeah but whatever? Its just sex, its not like it would have changed your life. It can also go to the other end and you start acting thirsty instead, if you are not feeling to have sex at that moment don’t force yourself because of scarcity.
retardedwhiteknight 6y ago
i tried she said i have no time for you and i feel better tbh started working out
retardedwhiteknight 6y ago
i know how it feels to regret not saying anything it happened to me in highschool and definietly if i had another chance i wouldve asked, currently i have someone in my life just because i tried last time and got rejected if you cant break that wall of pride you cant do anything
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aus_shredder 6y ago
On the flip side, wouldn’t it be correct to also say that some girls would’ve wanted you even more after that since it shows you’re not thirsty for them?
The-Peter-Principle 6y ago
Only if you have the social proof of other girls visibly after you. In this instance they’re isolated and OP failed to “do the dirty” even after the HB have the green light. She can’t accept that he wouldn’t want her so he “must be gay” “a clueless niceguy”. Left on read as potential orbiter material
[deleted] 6y ago
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UpperRedSide 6y ago
Let’s hope you regret something you did and not something you didn’t do. The latter hurts worse.
[deleted] 6y ago
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UpperRedSide 6y ago
Well gee thanks not like I didn’t know that already.
ChedderWet 6y ago
happens bro lol, just remember the post you made a shove it in the girls cooter next time
UpperRedSide 6y ago
I know. I will remember this feeling and understood that I don’t want to experience it again.
bayareaengineer2019 6y ago
This doesn’t sound like RP material.
UpperRedSide 6y ago
Rejection is better than regret” is literally an RP mantra.
Educate yourself miscreant.
ex_addict_bro 6y ago
It’s better to ask for forgiveness than for permission
entrep4 6y ago
That doesn't really apply in the case of sex