In before anyone calls me a BP fag, I will admit it was a case of oneitis where I idealized my relationship with her and I should've known better. I will share my thoughts here, so onward with the post.

Background info.

Met this chick Paula (not real name) from a dating app, and we meet up over an after work drink. The conversation was great, lots of push/pull and kino, and within an hour we were making out in the bar. We met later for a 2nd date but couldn't seal the deal, so on the 3rd date we went back to my place to have sex, despite the huge amount of resistance.

Because of some personal matters I have to leave the city for a month, we kept in touch thru text. There was a lot of banter going on, but I kept it to a minimal and had her mostly initiate the contact whilst I was away. After I came back, we met up 3 more times (1x week over 3 weeks), all with dinner and then sex at my or her place. The connection and sex with her was better than my other 2 plates, probably due to her more feminine nature than the other 2. After I came back from my month off I noticed the amount of texting from her has decreased, which suits me fine as I prefer to use it for logistics anyway.

After the last meet up I had to go away for business. She texted me the next day telling me how much fun she had, and that she looks forward to seeing me again. During our last meetup I mentioned that I enjoyed her company and would like to see her more for her benefits (maybe I shouldn't have), so she asked if that's true and I agreed. After my business trip, I texted her 2x more over 2 weeks, with no response from her even though on the 2nd text I said I wanted to see her again. It appeared that she has ghosted me.

Additional info

As per TRP teaching, I didn't give her too much validations thru text, as I understand women live for it, and so to not appear to be a beta orbiter, I often teased her and make her qualify to me. She'd often counter that if I'm not nice to her, someone else will; I usually just ignore it. One time I teased her too much thru text, she then told me she's sick of my wise crack jokes and if she wants to have fun it wouldn't be hard for her, so I pulled back a little and told her I know she likes me, and I like her too; I got the feeling that she was insecure about where we're heading.

On my last 3 meetups, she'd probe me about my past relationships, so I tried to be vague about them. She also asked if I can see where this is going, so I told her that I'm always open to a more long term relationship, but only if the right person comes along. She mentioned that she felt we're just biding our time with each other, and again I responded that I'm open to a more long term relationship with the right person (I tried to show a bit of a comfort/beta side to pacify her). At that point in time, I really did want to see if she's a LTR material.

In person interaction has been great, we get along really well and there's hardly any dead air. Sex has also been great, especially after reading and implementing Daniel Ross' Sex God Method. I usually made her cum 2-3x, and after sex she often said it was so good because of all the dirty talks and me dominating over her.

Postmortem dissection

All this happened 2 weeks ago, so I had time to sit back and ponder the whole situation. After I read u/Dmva100 timely post and u/Zech4riah's reply, I think I have pieced together the situation. Paula has likely found herself someone more AF or BB than me, and her seeing me after my return was to assess whether I would commit to her to satisfy her dual nature sexual strategy (AF/BB). Her asking about where this is going is akin to "The Talk" that women do to try to get a man to commit to her exclusively. I tried to deflect her questions but my guess is her wanting a BB boyfriend was too strong an emotion for me to overcome. I believe she either has an exclusive boyfriend, is seeing someone with exclusive boyfriend potential, or an ex has returned, as her texting has become more sporadic over the weeks, ie somebody else is giving her validations over text, and security that she's looking for; she often said her ex was very "nice" to her and treated her really well. As much as my ego hates to admit, she could've also found someone more AF than me.

Paula ghosting caught me by surprised honestly, since I thought I've been following TRP's teaching pretty well. I tried to be as AF as possible with a small hint of BB to let her know I'm open to LTR.

Compare to my pre-TRP days, I'd say I have improve a lot. Even though I thought I had removed most of my BP tendencies, after this plate broke I realized that I still have some of it left within me as evident by my sadness; I still have a lot to do to kill my beta self. My biggest issue from this is that I still idealize a BP relationship with Paula because of our connection, completely neglect her dual nature sexual strategy and fell into a oneitis trap. However, knowing my previous self, without TRP I would be even more devastated and would try to win her back.

Moving forward

For now I have resigned to the fact that Paula may never come back. I maybe sad, but I'm also not angry at her, because that's like getting angry at a lion for eating Bambi; it's in their nature (AWALT). I have resolved to go no contact with her until she initiates, otherwise I would appear weak and lose my abundance mentality; women love it when a man shows weakness as this justifies her decision to dump him. I also won't burn any bridge because what she did wasn't disrespectful in a plate relationship, and I'd be more than happy to see her again if she does boomerang back. I'm slowly internalizing the idea that I have to be the "holiday" for women, to give them respite from the dreary reality so they would keep coming back for more, it seems to be working well for my other 2 plates.

Thanks for meditation and some self-awareness, I've been able to monitor my emotions over the last 2 weeks and temper them. Logically I know there are women out there that are better than Paula, so I keep reminding myself that whenever I feel down, and so far it's been going really well. After realizing Paula ghosting me, I hit up my 2 plates to schedule something right away to deal with my loneliness feeling, and they're more than happy to see more of me. I have also been going hard on my online dating apps and have schedule another meet for next week to get the pipeline flowing.

Edit: I might have broken my frame when I said I'm open to LTR. Her whole talk about us biding our time and asking where this is going could've been a huge shit test and not comfort test. I should have agreed that it's going no where, or disqualify her that she's not LTR material to keep her guessing. Alternatively she might have thought I was getting clingy and that she's out fucking other guys.

Lessons learned, everything's shit test.