I had an LTR (though it wasn't that long, but we were exclusive) until yesterday, around 3:30 AM.
I'm not controlling since I know pretty well that if she wants to do something, she'll do it anyway. But we were watching IG reels on her phone, and when it was time to sleep, she wanted to show me something and went into her DMs. I never checked or wanted to check her DMs, and I never really mate-guarded her, but one unreplied message caught my eye. So I told her to open the message.
Apparently, this was some guy checking whether she has someone in her life or not. He was like, "Hey gorgeous, you look good. Is everything okay? Still got a boyfriend?"
And she replied, "Lolll thanks, yes I have one. How are you doing?"
That's fine, honestly. He's just trying to get some. It's never really about other guys, but my bitch was keeping him around. This was from before me, like 3 months ago, when she had another boyfriend. The guy had been messaging her for about 2 weeks as I am the current boyfriend. She didn't reply, but she still kept him, followed him, and kept him as a follower.
I asked her what was going on. At first, she tried to defend it, saying he's a loser, a pathetic simp, etc. But I pressed her a little, and apparently they had flirted before and so on.
I just felt sick to my stomach and left her. You know, I just couldn't do it before I lose all the respect against myself. Blocked her, no contact, cold.
My question is: I've had a couple of LTRs, or girls I wanted to be exclusive with, and some of them explicitly cheated on me. Some of them really liked getting attention from other guys, and some of them just liked keeping some guy on the bench.
So, is this just how it is? Do I just have fun with the sex and intimacy until it starts bothering me, and then leave?
I didn't care even a little bit when I dropped her hard and never showed any mercy. Not in a butthurt way, just cold and indifferent. She cried her eyes out, and today she begged me to forgive her, and I just looked her in the eyes and gave her a hard no.
It was kind of funny, though. When you give someone a hard no, they immediately get defensive and start throwing arguments at you that are bullshit from 100 km away, just to prove they're right or whatever.
Is this just how relationships are now?
Should I just fuck her good, make her my bitch, enjoy the meals she cooks, and stay with her until it stops being worth it?
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2d ago
Belongs in AskTRP, I already moved it
No. She's already not worth it. No contact
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 2d ago
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2d ago
He originally posted in this in TheRedPill..I moved it. Can we necessarily fault him with not seeing that rule? He's never posted in AskTRP before either
I'll still post him the sticky
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1d ago
That's fair
Dxmx99 2d ago
Uh... Some dude was talking to your girl before you guys even got together, and she kept him as an orbiter?
I hope she doesn't have a job, just imagine what the dudes she work with try to pull on her. Guys like me, who cannot keep their cock in the jock. 70% of my notch is taken chicks.
You care too much about some simp she probably hasn't fucked. "They flirted" I'm sure she flirted at least twice while with you. Everybody flirts to some capacity.
Overreacting. But it was a short relationship anyway, if you didn't vet her for at least a few months then you're not really missing anything.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2d ago
It's insane how much easier taken women are than single women.
I've passed up so many slam dunks because I couldn't bring myself to take it up.
Dxmx99 2d ago
That bitch Eve just had to listen to the snake and eat the forbidden fruit and now we have senseless whores.
For real though, some girls get into relationships with betas knowing full well their only place in their lives is to soak up their bad sides.
Edit: No always beta male gfs but sometimes more alpha dudes don't give enough comfort and their girl takes up side dick
Overkill_Engine Endorsed Contributor 2d ago
It makes more sense once one realizes that once they have secured provisioning, they now feel comfortable enough to outsource for their other wants. À la carte sexual strategy.
The problem is they'll represent their relationship involvement as table d'hôte. Kind of like how whoredom isn't the actual issue, it's deceptive whoredom that is contemptible.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2d ago
Yup
Never bore a woman. If you lead with your wallet you're getting cheated on
Overkill_Engine Endorsed Contributor 2d ago
Indeed - or as noted above, if you only provide some of what she wants, but not all things, and she can't just replace you entirely, infidelity is the next probable step she will take to getting those wants met. Even Chad gets cheated on.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1d ago
Yup, absolutely
Men should aim to be her everything (but in a doing it for themselves kind of way on their own mision/journey)
Overkill_Engine Endorsed Contributor 1d ago
And in ways where she cant separate one from it via court order and run off with it. Or at least not in quantities that make it worth it for her to pull that. Maintain sole control of what one offers, don't let third parties get the chance to dictate what and how much you have to.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1d ago
Yes.
Ideally also have a lifestyle she can't replace even if she has some resources to potentially bum off you from court
Provide immaterial things she can't extract or replace
Have her depend on you in unique and creative non-financial ways such that without you no one else can help her with them
Obviously stay fit and look good
Basically make it so that leaving you ro even entertaining other options is basically a loss she'll never replace or recover from
Overkill_Engine Endorsed Contributor 1d ago
Funny how this explains exactly how some skeevy drug dealers get tail too lol.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1d ago
Lmfao
Facts
mattyanon Admin 2d ago
That hurts, and it will colour your future experiences. Not saying you're wrong to be suspicious, but you are now kinda biased and you'll always be more suspicious because of it, and you'll tend to overreact.
All women are like this.
All women do this too. Even before IG and phones and messaging, women keep orbiters "on the bench" as you say. They keep reserves lined up. If plan A fails, they look for a plan B, but they keep reserves in case A and a future B don't work out quickly enough.
It's normal, and it's fucking disgusting.
What you do with this information is up to you.
Right. Entirely your choice.
They do it to keep you.
It's how it's always been. But 50 years ago you had no way to audit that guy she always smiles and flirts with. Now you see it on her phone.
All up to you my dude, all up to you.
For myself: I gave up exclusivity 20 years ago when I realised that every woman has a time limitation on her sexual interest in me.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2d ago
Also for AskTRP (it's an AskTRP, you asked a question)
Asking should I? Questions instead of thinking for yourself gets flairs (won't add it to this post because I moved it)
Relevant sticky:
What happens when you ask a "should i? question in AskTRP
Bangkok 1d ago
That is vague, you might relapse.
Make a list of kinky stuff, fantasies, think what you want from life and can she contribute (e.g. buy me 2nd shirt from the shop 100miles away). Something that will have high ROI of seeing her again.
High ROI for you have to be high cost for her, this is what you want to make her flake ASAP.
Any hesitation to do things for you, sends a message.
PS. The above paragraphs, you should consider doing with any other girl anyway. This is the way to learn.
Musicgoon78 3 1d ago
Well bro you need to answer yourself about how to handle this going forward. Part of the game is really accepting that you'll experience some gut punches.
I'm a seasoned veteran of this dating game and women will still get me butthurt. I just learn to control it outwardly and channel it.
I can understand why your upset. Even in my early 30's I still didn't quite understand female psychology.
What you need to understand is that women are pursued. Unless the chick your seeing is fucking clapped, guys are going to try for her (pathetically). She's going to soak up their attention or might keep a backup if she feels like you're going to leave her. This is all normal and not a threat.
She's not going to leave her hypergamous best option. If she's cheating, your gut will know and you will know you're not her best option before you can confirm this.
So the nature of relationship is that they are imperfect and you can occasionally get hurt, even in an LTR without another guy present.
So the question really is: do you want this to drive you crazy so you can't enjoy your time with women?
Also, there is such a thing as the anger bang. I've banged a few women in anger.
First-light 2 1d ago
I think this may be an overreaction. Just log the info and carry on next time. You make your decisions based on hers but you don't have to drop her till you have thought it over and explored your options.
You have not been with this girl for 3 months. There was another guy who was interested but she chose you and kept him as a back up. She didn't bang him she just didn't hurry to tell him she had a boyfriend. OK so she is not super committed. That's all this means at this stage. It is not a great sign but its options not actions. That itself means something but it doesn't mean you have to throw your toys out of the pram. You have invested a lot of effort in getting access to her pussy. In the worst case you could keep her as an option while checking out other options, just to keep your balls empty.
It might be that a conversation in the cool light of day would set it out to her that she really didn't inspire confidence there. Sometimes its that she is just not that mature about it. Sometimes its that she actually likes you but you don't inspire confidence in forging a lasting bond, sometimes she is the sort of girl you can't trust. (Can you trust any girl? -the answer can only ever be 99% and that is once she has given you a few children and hit the wall, when you would probably like an upgrade to a newer model, while she would like to offer less for the same deal as before).
The reality of life is that probably most women have a back up guy. Many of them are just more subtle about it making a show of playing by the rules but still letting the guy hope. Back up guys are the reality for most guys in LTRs, particularly if the woman is quality. Most guys just don't know it and act like she is solid gold. You had the advantage there of knowing it. You knew who to watch out for, you knew it was now fine for you to examine options.