Hey I got exclusive with a girl (not dating just exclusive and ik it sounds dumb) about 4 months back and I wasnt full aware of trp apart from the basics and had not read the sidebar or rollos books. Realised I got oneitis and got exclusive with her for no reason at all even though I used to spin plates regularly but convinced myself she was different (she has a bodycount of 2 : a bf and a hookup and I highly doubt shes lying but again who knows). Im in a weird cognitive dissonance about LTRs and body count. My standard for a potential LTR/gf is no hookups but I hookup myself and accept that double standard exists and is correct based on biology as well. Here are my specific questions (For context im from a country where hookup culture started 5-10yrs ago)
1) Is the hookup aversion a legitimate standard worth holding or just residual oneitis?
2) How do you make peace with a girls past when you know the double standard exists but you cant fully rationalize it emotionally? Knowing another guy got her faster (i honestly dont know but assume worst case) bothers me even though I hooked up with her multiple times before getting exclusive
3) On body count specifically her count is low and even my future gf/LTRs might be but if they have hookups does it genuinely affect pair bonding ability? and how do i stop the hookup and body count obsession from becoming its own form of oneitis?
Currently 23 yrs old with grad school starting soon and I will have a lot of options and have no problem pulling. Thinking if an LTR is even worth it or just go full on plate spinning?
Any advice is appreciated , thanks in advance
First-light 2 1w ago
Black and white is rare in life and never found in women or men. You add together a basket of facts -pluses and minuses and decide if she is worth the commitment of a LTR. There are actually very few deal breakers -being a professional whore is one, being a drug addict, being a thief form family are others but a hook up is a big minus but not a deal breaker.
Remember almost all woman are vulnerable to seduction by the right man at the right time. Its why in the past girls were chaperoned. If boys and girls are left together with no social consequence, girls will be seduced even sensible ones, some by scoundrels. In today's society there is no social consequence, so expect desire to be given in to in suitable conditions. This is why its best to get them fairly early before they make too many mistakes or develop too many bad ways of looking at men. You are young and this is a lower risk. You may risk losing a good relationship by excluding her on that alone.
It might help to try looking at this from another direction. So you meet a girl with no hook ups and a body count of zero to 2. First question to ask is "Why so little sex?" Is she unattractive? Ok she is not, then is she one of those girls who don't like the idea of touching wieners, who don't want cum inside them, who think kissing is a bit gross? Do you want one of those girls in your bed every night? Ok She is attractive and has a healthy desire level, so is she a religious freak (not a church goer who wants to be seen as virtuous or a believer who sins sometimes but a real believer with the self discipline to keep in line? Do you think this would be a good match for you and your personal ethics? OK she is not and likes sex and is not excessively religious or obsessive about chastity over enjoyment of life, so is she very sheltered and has had no opportunity? If so, you might just have hit the jackpot but do check that your background, ethics and ideas of the importance of family fits well with hers because as she becomes less sheltered, she will see these things matter and do check she is not mad or an evil bitch who drives men away. If she is not very sheltered and she is hot and loves sex and is not a god freak or a bitch, then maybe she is just a lair? Do you want a lair in your bed, someone who lies about who they have done it with when you know she will meet other men more attractive than you? Ok she is in fact a virtual unicorn, she is hot, loves sex, not religious, not sheltered and not a bitch, not a liar, she is just focused and wants one man for life. So what is she doing with you with your lifestyle and history?
These days chastity is not rewarded by society so there will need to be a darn good reason for it. You can screen for promiscuity but the absence of perfect chastity is normal in the sort of woman who makes a good mate unless you meet her when you are both starting out in life.
Victor 6d ago
One caveat to this.
Past matters, but not in the way people often think.
Past behaviour is one of the best predictors we have of future behaviour, but it's not a guarantee. A woman with a body count of two could wake up one day and realise she never explored enough, and let FOMO get the best of her. A woman with a body count of thirty might be completely done with that phase of her life and know exactly what she wants.
People act as though low body count automatically means low risk and high body count automatically means high risk. Reality is messier than that.
A person's past tells you something. It doesn't tell you everything.
The question isn't just how many men she's slept with. It's whether she's still chasing novelty, validation, excitement, or experiences she feels she missed out on.
The same applies to men, by the way. Plenty of guys think commitment will magically cure a desire for variety. Sometimes it does. Sometimes it doesn't.
Body count is a data point. It isn't the entire story. However, this part is entirely up tp your own interpretation of things in relation to the red pill and your wants, needs and standard
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1w ago
FFS. what happened to "N-count" and "notch count"? "Body count" means confirmed kills, whether as a warrior or murderer.
Anyway...
1) you'll never know her real number. You'll never know if she's lying or what. "Blowjobs don't count, tee-hee!"
2) how she treats you is what matters most
3) forget that "pair bonding" crap. You aren't marrying her, right? Then who cares if she "pair bonds" to you? Just enjoy your turn.
AndrogenicChad 1w ago
Appreciate the advice thank you
No-Stress-Cat 2 1w ago
It is. Sex affects women differently, not only emotionally, but biologically. That's why you hear jokes about women having so much different male DNA inside them, they practically become a different species. It sounds funny, but it's actually based on scientific research that when a woman fucks a man, she absorbs a tiny bit of his DNA. The higher the body count, the more it changes her.
You have to understand that the double standard exists for a reason: biology. Men and women are wired differently. Men are wired to conquer as many women as possible, while women are wired to look for a badass who can protect and provide for her and the children. There's nothing to rationalize. It is what it is.
If her body count bothers you, demote her to plate. Mushy wishy washy oneitis feelings is your blue-pill programming. You have to develop the ability to take it or leave it, to know that you can walk away any time you want, without question, without reason. Women abhor being the target of oneitis, because you're placing more value on her than you are on yourself. That's not how human nature works. You are the man. You are the leader. You make the decisions. You own the responsibility. Without that leadership, women are loose cannons that can fire in any direction at any time.
Yes, the more men a woman sleeps with, the less able she is able to pair bond. This has also been scientifically proven. Refer back to my answer to your first question.
I don't think you understand the difference between oneitis and this obsession with body count. They are completely different things. Oneitis is the obsession with a single woman, fear of a high body count is paranoia. To get over your paranoia, you just have to accept the fact that all modern woman are sluts to some degree, especially if she's a feminist. The days of low body count women are long gone. Virgins are practically extinct outside of certain religious groups.
Having a girlfriend is just fine. Just remember NO marriage NO kids NO cohabitation. The laws and risks are 100% in the woman's favor and 0% in yours, with a 100% chance you come out totally fucked on the other side. For you, I would recommend you spin as many plates as you can until you come to realize that women are really nothing but a wet hole with arms, legs, a body, and a head. You have to become immune to their bullshit and mind games.
My last bit of advice is to READ THE SIDEBAR. The knowledge of generations of men await you.
throwaway415 1 1w ago
not sure who downvoted you but this is an excellent response. have an upvote
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1w ago
Back when I was waiting for marriage (1996-2001 or so), I couldn't find a single one. Not even at church.
No-Stress-Cat 2 1w ago
They should change the names of churches to The Whores of Latter Day Saints. The women in church are the biggest sluts, thinking they can fuck guys 6 days a week, and have "all their sins forgiven" on Sunday. Sure, Jesus will forgive you, but then again, Jesus doesn't have to worry about catching your STD.
AndrogenicChad 1w ago
This is amazing advice, the way you broke everything down really put things into perspective. Thanks a ton!