I’m 31 and she’s 24.
A few months ago I started talking to a girl on Instagram and honestly she seemed like the only genuinely high quality woman I’ve met so far. Intelligent, conservative, feminine, similar values, no body count, good morals, genuinely cared about me, etc. We live around 5 hours apart.
At first she wasn’t very interested because she thought I looked a bit rough around the edges. Over time the roles reversed. The more she showed desinterent in me, the more I lost attraction. I was about to stop texting her but, she was the type of woman I've always been searching for, so I tried again. She started becoming much more attracted and invested in me, and I slowly started feeling more distant.
Recently she came to spend the weekend with me and we got intimate (not full sex). Physically I am attracted to her, even if her face isn't that pretty. What confused me is that the more affectionate she became — public affection, holding onto me all the time, kisses, cuddling — the more emotionally uncomfortable and distant I started feeling.
After she went home I decided to be honest and told her I felt like she was much more emotionally invested than I was and that I didn’t want to mislead her. She took it surprisingly maturely. She said she had already noticed signs that I was losing interest but kept hoping she was wrong. She told me not to apologize because she felt the fault was hers for insisting too much and said it was probably better if we stopped talking.
But I could clearly tell from her voice that she had been crying after the calls. Later she called me again saying she didn’t want to give up on me yet and wanted to know if there was any point in trying again slower. She's genuinely a good person and it kinda kills me making her this sad.
Now I’m conflicted because:
- I do find her physically attractive
- I genuinely like her as a person
- I feel awful seeing how hurt she is
- But at the same time I noticed myself pulling away once she became very emotionally attached and affectionate
So I’m trying to understand whether:
- This is a classic case of losing attraction once the girl becomes too available/interested
- I just liked the chase/idealized version of her
- Or if it’s simply emotional incompatibility despite attraction
- Or if this is something worth trying again slowly instead of throwing away a potentially rare situation
Would appreciate honest opinions, especially from guys who’ve been through something similar.