Hello guys, hope you’re all doing well.
I’m in a really miserable situation right now because of my oneitis.
In my last post, I talked about a 7-month LDR where I clearly told her: if you go out drinking, I won’t take you seriously. I later found out she hid a GNO from me, so I listened to your advice and ended things.
But because of my oneitis, I folded the next day and got her back. I tried not to come off as beta, and things went back to normal,sex is good .
The real problem is that she’s still lying. This time not even hiding it , she straight up posted a story drinking alcohol. Now I feel like a complete chud with no frame and no balls.
This oneitis is seriously messing me up. I can’t function properly, I can’t train right, I can’t sleep, I feel like a zombie. It’s like I’m on self-destruction mode.
A friend told me to just keep her, enjoy my fantasies, and start spinning plates on the side. But the truth is I’m too attached right now, and it feels like this thing is eating me from the inside.
I really need your help and direction. If I go cold turkey and block her everywhere, how long does it usually take to recover from oneitis? Or should I keep her around and try to spin plates (even though that feels really tough for me right now)?
Thanks a lot.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 17h ago Stickied
Ffs dump her man
Anything short of that is wasting our time
Dump her (again) and then make a new post to work through the emotions
GeorgeIII 1 17h ago
I remember your post from before.
IIRC someone replied to you that if you make nuclear option threats and boundaries (ending the relationship), you need to follow through with them, otherwise your threats will never be taken seriously. You are going through that now, with the explicit disrespect. Disrespect, which YOU communicated is acceptable through your own actions.
If you truly can’t function, there’s nothing you can do. And if there’s nothing you can do, there’s certainly nothing we here at forums.red can do.
I would advise you to rethink the “I can’t” statement you made. If you truly believe “I can’t”, then don’t post here, give up, and resign yourself to your fate. Don’t make it our problem if it can’t be fixed.
If you do decide that you CAN do something, I’d start with learning some self control and discipline. Self control and discipline are a requirement if you want to have any real agency over your life.
Backtracking after 1 day is truly pathetic. It’s like committing to going to the gym 3 times a week, and skipping your first workout. Or saying you’ll quit smoking, and having a cigarette literally the next morning. Literally no spine, no guts, no self control, nothing.
I want you to re-think your conviction, and the level of effort you put in to improve your situation. Is that a sufficient or respectable level of effort?
If you aren’t willing to do anything on your own, then why the hell should anyone care?
Machiaspinner 9h ago
Totally pathetic , even after we got back together i’ve never been fully concinced of my decision , it was only taken to stop the pain. I’ve never had this loser mentality , i’ll gather my balls and ghost this bitch to cure my disease. Thank you a lot.
Musicgoon78 3 17h ago
You have no frame. Dump her and just work through the shit feelings. Breaking up hurts, this is life
Vermillion-Rx Admin 15h ago
Breakups do suck but the clarity of leaving the wrong person (even if delayed) is a relief.
First-light 2 11h ago
It is important to realise that at present the fear of losing the small joy you get from your unsatisfactory LDR her is stopping you from taking the moderately painful step of ridding yourself. You are like a man who will not inject himself with a medicine because he fears the needle.
This oneitis will pass. When it does you will be disgusted with yourself for all the resources your poured into simping for an unworthy object.
If you do not want to be lost like an addict in fulfilling your craving -just to be free from the pain of craving- you will have to take the wider view and accept that there will be pain. If you keep her you are really keeping nothing -just the possibility of sex if you close the distance and if she is then still available and if you can not quarrel constantly with er over the things you have endured in her absence.
There is nothing to gain form keeping her while looking elsewhere. If you keep things in perspective, you could do this but you are love sick. You can't control a sickness, you need to remove it from your body. It is self destructive to let a woman you do not actually like mess your head up. She has not earned this headspace, you have not given it to her, she has just got in there like a shitty squatter and is now shitting on your property. You have to evict her.
I don't quite understand how sex is good if you are in a LDR? Are you seeing her at weekends?
One thing I will add is that it is good to hear men telling the truth about how much simping and grovelling back to women can hurt and yet how hard it can be to stop doing it. Simping and becoming emotionally dependent on women is the biggest problem men have with getting happiness from women. We can't be just pissing on guys for being weak and becoming emotionally dependent on women who actually hurt them because it does not cure the problem so much as make a lot of men deny the fact they do it. It results in more autistic alpha type posts from guys who are hurt and confused but won't admit that they have been weak. We are all weak sometimes.
To draw an analogy with shooting, we need to help men to become better at tracking errors and correcting them than to criticise them when they drop into the white with a terrible shot. If you don't want to look at the error, you will not fix your shooting. Finding what is causing the error is a the next greatest joy to shooting a ton or dropping a buck from a long way out through heavy cover. If you come back from the range with the guys having given you a good idea as to your biggest error, you come back a happy rifleman. I would like to try to foster this attitude here. We aim to help each other shoot better and if men do not show each other their bad targets -post their errors- this can't happen.
Machiaspinner 9h ago
Thank you a lot . The description is so accurate , i’m like an addict who doesn’t chase the substance for joy anymore just to stop the discomfort i once felt after we broke up the first time.
We have sex on week-ends , and even when i’m in bed i say i’m fucked up , i have oneitis for this girl, once we will separate and she will go to her city my hamster will spin again.
The only way i found in my past to overcome oneitis is to ghost , that’s what i will do. Even if i know she already has back-up options and i’m sure she cheated previously. Thank you again.