Hi all
So I met this girl on Tinder for a drink we kissed a lot. I was unable to escalate further due to logistics and her needing to work crazy early the next day.
We arranged to meet the following week. She said lets go to a restaurant and she will pay for it (indicator of interest?)
On the day we were supposed to meet she messaged me and said she had to work can we rearrange I said yes when? She said she will check her rota and let me know. I replied "ok what day" and thought now I will go quiet its on her to rearrange. She then messaged me the next day saying "are you okay".
Is she just fishing for attention or does she have a real interest in meeting me again? How should I answer? Just a breif "yeah I'm good how are you?" then let her get back to me about her availability.
Attempt to answer own question - She had given indicators of interest (saying she will pay for a meal for us) but cancelling on the day is possibly an indicator of disinterest so its mixed messaged. I suppose I should keep my text messages to her breif and to the point and see what happens?
I have other girls I am messaging right now so its not a big deal I am only interested in trying to improve my technique. Below is our chat history just in case you find it useful for context.
[16/04, 11:55] : Me - Hey we still good to meet tomorrow?
[16/04, 14:51] Her: Yes it’s fine
[16/04, 16:01] :Me - Ok what's your address?
[16/04, 19:04] Her: Address
[16/04, 19:15] : Me - I thought I was meeting you at your place?
[16/04, 19:27] Her - : My place
[16/04, 19:27] Her - : I don’t understand
[16/04, 19:27] Her - : We never talked about meeting at my place
[16/04, 19:35] : Me - Yes we did I guess you have goldfish memory
[16/04, 19:54] Her - : Oooooh okay l thought coming to my area
[16/04, 19:55] Her - : We can meet at Nando’s and l will treat you with a meal
[16/04, 20:37] :Me - Ok sounds good let's meet there at 6.45?
[16/04, 21:11] Her - : Okay
[17/04, 11:16] Her - : Hey
My shift has changed I’m now doing sit in can we do it next week
[17/04, 15:41] :Me - Ok what day?
[17/04, 17:41] Her - : Let me check my rota
[17/04, 17:41] Her - : And I will tell you
[17/04, 18:01] Me - Ok
[18/04, 18:25] Her - : Are you okay
No-Stress-Cat 1 6d ago
Shit test. She's looking for you to go "No no no! I'm going to pay!"
Shit test. You should have ignored and just asked where she wanted to meet.
Shit test. You should have responded with "I'll get back to you, I gotta check my rota." By saying "Ok" you're putting yourself in her frame, giving her control of the situation.
You pick the time, you pick the day, and if she's interested, she'll rework her schedule to make it happen. If not, take one of your other chicks instead.
Farang131 4d ago
I agree 1OO% and I didnt say no no no I will pay so that's a pass.
Ok but saying yes we did goldfish memory with a screenshot isnt terrible right? I mean its negging her and I was chill about meeting somewhere else so thats a partial pass maybe? Not sure if it was a shit test as looking back at the conversation is was a little ambiguous and this girl is a bit dumb.
I see your point of view but people on here previously roasted me hard before for doing exactly that and also claimed that no one on here would ever suggest I do that.
No-Stress-Cat 1 4d ago
It's a brownie point loss at best. You just called her a liar (even though she is), and that makes you an asshole (from her perspective). Pick your battles for shit that matters, not petty nonsense.
This is just wrong. They don't know what they're talking about.
The point is to do what you want to do, and she is invited to go along. If she wants to, she will, if not she won't, but you're going to do it anyway, with or without her, with her preferably, but if not someone else then, her loss. This sets the tone, that you're in control of the ship, and she can either get onboard, or get left behind.
If you're trying to set up a date with her, then you're going about it all wrong, because now the focus is on her and not you. The focus should always be on you. Pull her into your orbit, not the other way around.
Always keep in mind there are BILLIONS of women on this planet, and even HUNDREDS or THOUSANDS of women in your area. Women are getting desperate out there, and one of them is always ready to step up and take her place.
Farang131 4d ago
I appreciate you sharing your thoughts however I dont agree that I called her a liar saying goldfish memory to me implies she forgot keeping in mind their was a gap of a few days. Also isnt it a good thing for a women to think you're an asshole? When did this become a bad thing?
It's Vermillion-Rx that seemed to strongly disagree with the stance that you shouldnt ask them when they are free and he seems to know his stuff. This is an issue people seem to argue strongly for or against.
No-Stress-Cat 1 4d ago
Agree to disagree, that's cool. Yes, it's cool to be an asshole, just in general, and don't make it personal. To tease her is one thing, but to shove it in her face and say, "See? I told you so!" That's a different matter.
And he is correct. Which is what I stated: You're doing this, and if she wants to join, cool. Asking her when she is free is putting yourself on her time. "Well, I'll only go out with you when it's convenient for you." No. You're not going to be inconvenienced by her schedule. If she wants to go out with you, then she can change her schedule to fit yours.
Farang131 4d ago
I worded that longwinded which may have caused you to misunderstand it,
Vermillion-Rx said its fine to ask a girl when she is free to meet and he is really annoyed and frustrated when he see guys trying to avoid asking her this without a good reason.
GeorgeIII 1 1w ago
Dude, are you still sperging out over the same girl? Over the most basic shit too. It should be really easy for you to just figure it out. If you still need to come to us to figure out how to smash, it ain’t happening for you no matter what.
If I’m wrong though, and it is a different girl, correct me.
Still pretty much useless to include text convo. But at least you aren’t bombing her with girlfriend to girlfriend messages.
In short, we don’t know whether it’s attention or real interest. Your idea of “I’m good” and whatever else you add is fine. You are correct that it’s up to her to reschedule.
My guess is that she is asking if you are ok because you used to text her like you were her friend, and now you aren’t texting just to talk, so she thinks something has changed between the 2 of you. Which is why you don’t lead off by being pen pals. But you’ve already been roasted in a previous post for that.
Probably cooked, but you don’t have to do much. She said she will reschedule. If she doesn't suggest a new day, but still wants to text you, she just might not be interested anymore.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1w ago
He's cooked and you're not wrong
OP can't even follow the basic maxim of going for women with high interest instead of trying to force a shit
He's already cooked because he's probably thinking about her all day every day instead of going for high interest women
Farang131 1w ago
Actually I am talking to multiple women right now and I dont really care that much if I see this one again or not I am only posting in the interest of improving the way I deal with this stuff. I already learnt from my previous post and went logistics only on the messaging this time. As we speak I am messaging other women and arranging to meet them this is about improvement in general rather than this specific girl.
It would seem there is at least some indication of high interest seeing as she said she would buy us a meal. I know its one thing to say it and another to follow through but even so.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1w ago
Regardless, I am removing the next post about this woman.
We have already told you to close when interest is highest
Move on
GeorgeIII 1 1w ago
Well, I think he’s cooked too. But let’s see him play this one out. Better he tries and fails, than quits because we told him it’s an L.
If I think he’s totally hopeless I’ll just stop replying to him.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1w ago
I strongly disagree
I have helped and coached men how to fuck a girl they were way too invested in and then I had to hear about the same woman a year later
This has happened a number of times in my time helping men. I wish I hadn't helped some guys fuck the girls they did. It really did nothing but make their game worse in every conceivable way because they declined throughout their entire time knowing the chick
I've seen multiple men come out even more confused about red pill and have worse game by succeeding with women they are masturbating way too damn hard over and I actually don't wish success on those men with particular women.
I think they would be better off with chicks they aren't this obsessed with. Guys that are THIS confused about the basics only get more confused bagging the chick they are obsessing over
Farang131 1w ago
Thanks for your reply. This is a different girl you are mistaken to think its the same girl as before I never mentioned this girl until now.
Absolutely not my texts were logistics only. No boring texts this time no chit chat. I did listen and learn from the previous posts believe it or not. If you dont believe me I am happy to post the full chat transcript from day 1 as proof that I didnt do any B.S this time.
GeorgeIII 1 1w ago
Understood. Different girl.
Pretty weird she is asking if you are ok. There might be something you left out or didn’t see.
I guess you should just signal you are “ok” or whatever and let her pick a day.
No day picked = no date = next.
You already got the idea though.
Edit: wanted to add that in case you are new to this, Tinder is a really tough place for men. If you aren’t at least an 8/10 looks wise, it’s real tough.
If you’re a looks normie like most of us, almost no matches come, and the few that do are all being bombarded with messages from other men, so you are functionally invisible and disposable there. That’s why you (1) keep running into roadblocks like low/mid interest and (2) keep ending up on here asking what to do. Most of the time, if it’s Tinder, there’s nothing you can do to get any specific girl.
To make matters worse, a large portion of the matches will be OnlyFans girls advertising, bots trying to get your info, and attention whores looking for validation. The apps are not made for straight men’s benefits at all.
I highly recommend finding an IRL place to meet women. It’s hard, and might be intimidating at first, but you can really leave a much stronger emotional impression than through an app.
Farang131 1w ago
Yeah I think she might be a little dumb to be honest as she is terrible with directions (who gets lost these days with google maps!) and she gets confused easily in conversation. The only think I can think of is she expected me to chase and the "are you ok" actually means "why arent you chasing me" (which I have never done at any point)
In any case I replied "Yeah I'm good how are you". If the conversation doesnt immedately lead to making plans I will 1 word answer her and next her like I said I am already talking to multiple girls and arraging meets I am just curious what the deal is with this one.
The thing that thows me off is 1 minute she seems high interest saying she will buy us dinner the next cancels and goes quiet.
Farang131 1w ago
Yeah I understand the apps are crap. They worked much better in Asia as I am in the top lets say 3O% of men if I am in Asia as they like foreign men and see us as high status.
I was given a free Tinder subscription and easily got matches and dates (new user boost from algorithum probably) so I am currently giving it and other apps a try but I am in no way taking them seriously and I understand that they are utter shit for most men I am under no illusion on that. If it gives me some options and plates to spin then great if it doesnt then ok fine I will do something else.
I agree that they make us easily disposable / invisible.
GeorgeIII 1 1w ago
If you aren’t serious about the apps, and you know they are rigged against you, then don’t come here with questions about them.
Your posts are all about Tinder chicks thus far, are you really not trying seriously on them?
No amount of our advice can save you from the pitfalls of apps.
And yes, go do something else to get girls. Not after your sub ends. Now.
Farang131 1w ago
My question was not about the app in my view it was about something that happened after an in person meeting.
Once I've met the girl in real life its then not so much about the app. Considering the first girl I met on Tinder wanted to have sex with me the app did its job the rest was up to me.
I'm not on here asking why cant I get more matches or why arent I getting any matches or how come I cant meet the girl I match with or why does she ghost etc.
But I do take your point that after meeting them they can very easily next you and go onto their next match.
With that said if I met a girl in the street and went on a date with her she could be on Tinder also any girl can be on Tinder at any time.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1w ago
You need to move on dude. If she makes the date work then good for you. If not then it's not going to happen.
This is the same for all women. You cannot mentally masturbate yourself into a woman wanting to see you
I am removing the next post you make about this woman. This is too ridiculous and I'm not going to let users waste their time on this woman anymore. It's getting to the point where even if you somehow were able to fuck her at this point, that you will have been so invested in it that you are going to end up flooding the front page with every little problem you end up having with her
For your sake I hope she doesn't go out with to put you out of your misery. She is going to do you a disservice if she goes out with you because you are way too fucking invested
She is also on tinder. Her schedule is probably already filled with men who she would not make wait. She is probably currently or close to having sex with another tinder guy. You are probably in all likelihood thirsting this bad over a woman who has other options.
If it is this hard to get logistics with a woman it is because she has other priorities. Stop making posts about her. You already know she probably isn't high interest
Farang131 1w ago
Thanks for your reply
Its a different woman mate. I have never mentioned the women on this site at any point previously and I have only known her for just over a week and I have met her once.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1w ago
You need to be more clear. Your description of this woman was almost no different than the first.
That is your responsibility to be more clear
Overkill_Engine Endorsed Contributor 1w ago
She's making a lot of noises that aren't gluck gluck gluck, so why are you wasting your energy giving a shit?
Farang131 1w ago
I care about improving my approach not about the girl.
Overkill_Engine Endorsed Contributor 1w ago
Improving your approach would be not wasting time trying to hyper-analyze anything that isn't affirmative interest.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1w ago
THIS RIGHT HERE.
OP @Farang131 read what he said over and over again until it sinks in, Captain Scarcity.
Farang131 1w ago
Ok fine but last time with a different issue I did get useful feedback to help improve.
Overkill_Engine Endorsed Contributor 1w ago
The lesson we are trying to impart upon you is that even if you can learn how to finesse your way past some bullshit eventually, it's not worth the time and effort that could have been spent on getting one or more other dripping wet pussies instead that aren't attached to a low interest woman. Unless you have somehow stumbled upon the secret to eternal youth and thus have infinite time in all creation to dick around I guess. The rest of us have to actually place some value on how we spend our time though, and our advice will reflect that.
Knowing when to bother using certain skills is far more important than having them.
Farang131 1w ago
Yes fair enough but my objective was to get constructive feedback to use on the next girl or spot the bs early and next them early etc. The quicker and more efficiently I can seperate the BS low interest the better and that was my objective with the post.
Overkill_Engine Endorsed Contributor 1w ago
A woman that is interested will metaphorically walk on broken glass just to get a chance to be in a situation where she might possibly get to hop on your dick. They're even bigger simps than the most bloopie beta (note to mods - usage of the forbidden phrases are for instructional purposes, not shaming, and are necessary to be both truthful and accurate) when they meet a man they truly desire. They will do utterly degenerate acts that they would otherwise flatly refuse to do with any other man. Things they will not admit they have done unless caught in 4K and even then might still try the Shaggy Defense.
If she bails on an opportunity (regardless of the reason offered for why - realize there is incentive to lie about that if not actually interested) and doesn't actively attempt to reschedule without you talking her into it or is otherwise being flaky/unreliable/vague as fuck about it, you have your answer as to her actual level of interest. Even single moms with 3+ baby daddies that rightly should be too occupied with child rearing to fuck around with new prospective baby daddies will magically make time to hop on a dick they truly want.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1w ago Stickied
This is askTRP, not WAATGM.
Speaking as a moderator of both forums, you're good. You're better than good. You're cooking, and OP needs to heed what you say.
Edit:
You're showing your age! These young pups aren't likely to know what this means.
Farang131 6d ago
I know what the shaggy defense is lol
Overkill_Engine Endorsed Contributor 1w ago
It wasn't me.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1w ago
But she caught me on the counter!
Overkill_Engine Endorsed Contributor 1w ago
It wasn't me.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1w ago
She saw me banging on the sofa!
Farang131 4d ago
I agree I recently met a girl who was simping for me so hard I thought that she was a little unhinged. Turns out she was a virgin which might help explain why.
It seems odd that I acted no differently to her than any other girl I spoke to yet only she simped but I guess from the girls point of view they will simp for whatever they think is the best guy that can get at that specific moment.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1w ago
This isn't waatgm