I'm a 31 yo male and she is 36. She's been treating me for over a year now and things have been strictly professional between us.
I had such bad diagnosis, I'd given up on dating altogether since chemo made me a walking zombie. Now that things are a little passive I've gotteb back into dating.
Anyway, this girl asked me out to take a walk and talk about immunotherapy one time. Then she bought us some food and drinks. I was so caught up in my shit I didn't even see that she was kinda flirting the whole time.
We've been casually exchanging texts over past few weeks. It was regular oncology stuff with a few not so appropriate jokes for an oncologist, but she took it well and responded in kind.
I saw her an hour ago and since we were alone she was very playful and teasy. I don't think I'm imagining stuff since a doc should not be complementing me on my beard and making sarcastic jokes about our "relationship".
Anyway, I've had my fair share of relashionships and I can tell when a woman is into me (at least a little).
The question is, should I take the initiative at trying to make this situation into something serious at least in a sexual way?
It's no big deal to me either way, I can say nothing and move on. She's a nice person and I'm thankful for her attentive treatment.
The big question is this - is it even worth dating your oncologist? I have a 25 fbw so it's not a necessity for me to do this rn.
Btw, my ex broke up with me a year ago shortly after my diagnosis. She said I'd been absent and cold and she couldn't take it anymore. Who tf u kidding bitch, it's my stage 4 cancer you can't take anymore lol.
Thanks in advance brothers
mattyanon Admin 1d ago
Tell her straight up.... "I'd like to continue to see you when I have gotten past this"........ don't see her WHILE SHE IS TREATING YOU..... no good can come of it.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 5d ago
I really hate should I questions
CAN YOU
Do you guys even have proof half the time you can even do the things you're asking if you should do?
mkeehl Should i (x1) 5d ago
I can, hence the question
Vermillion-Rx Admin 4d ago
Then why are you asking internet strangers, I read through your comments and it looks like it doesn't matter what we say at all, just do it
First-light 2 5d ago
Get it out of the way and ask her straight.
Its easy to fall for a woman who is helping you. She may be just enjoying your enthusiasm and you may have rose tinted glasses. On the other hand just maybe she really is into you.
If you leave it, it will all get worse if she is not into you. It may get embarrassing for both of you if you get the wrong idea and it may be upsetting for you. Its best to clear the air with asking her out straight. If she says no then you just say "Well I didn't want to waste the opportunity to ask someone I really liked. No worries" and she then continues her professional relationship with you because you are not butt hurt and no one has embarrassed themself.
I think this is your best bet.
mkeehl Should i (x1) 5d ago
I too feel like the straightforward approach must be best righ now
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 4d ago
Normally I'd say this isn't a good idea, but you seem less lost than the usual "should I?"s we get.
Only you can make this decision, though. At least in the US, I think a doctor risks losing his/her license by having relations with a patient (not entirely certain). Even if that's not the case, you run the risk of her cutting you off as a patient just to protect herself and her career (understandable).
If that's a risk you're willing to take, or if your treatment is coming to an end, go for it.
Oh yeah, and Vermy may not have done it despite his hatred for "should I?" posts, but I'm flairing you in accordance with this.
Glad your cancer is getting better, though! Hopefully you'll be cancer-free soon.
mkeehl Should i (x1) 4d ago
Thanks buddy, I appreciate it
SwarmShawarma 4d ago
Why not ask her to preventatively check your balls, for an ice breaker.
....
What do you want to get out of it. Sex only? Is it worth if she actually is good and you might need to see her again?
Is it because she is there, cuter, nicer, helped you?
Relationship? 5y difference is a lot she would have to work out as efficiently as German 2nd WW tank factory to look good in coming years.
Did you show some resourcs, she might want to try to hook you on your feelings of gratitude. In her profession she has likely experienced that a lot and is trying to milk it now she approaches the wall fast.
mkeehl Should i (x1) 4d ago
makes a lot of sense bro thanks
SwarmShawarma 3d ago
There is More that popped to my head you would need answers to for a better picture. But being very much causciius about taken on your gratitude.
Does she have money, what is you long-term survival chance, who was her exhusband {is it someone that had the chance to die early), is she about saving money - cooking at home etc, own a place to live. Is it Russia where there might be deficit of men?
SeasonedRP 2 4d ago
Sure, why not? Sounds like you two get along well and that she's into you. I don't know if there are restrictions on doctors dating patients like there are on lawyers dating clients, but that's more her concern than yours.
mkeehl Should i (x1) 4d ago
there's none. I live in a post soviet country, we're fucked by pretty much all standarts