Hello everyone, I'm in a dilemma right now and I'd appreciate some direction.
An ex (a carousel cock rider) was the source of a severe oneitis back in my BP days. I never fucked her , was weak at escalating, swallowed a lot of lies, and she already had massive sexual experience when I met her.
When the oneitis hit rock bottom, I decided to break it off and fully focus on self-development. The breakup wasn't easy, but it paid off. I got back in shape, learned game, improved professionally, and started spinning plates. After that, she tried to get back into my life. I gave her a chance, escalated properly + solid make-out this time, and she showed signs of interest. But when I tried to close, she suddenly said she needed commitment and that she wouldn't fuck until marriage because she was "done having fun" (classic say from a CCR).
I told her I wasn't looking for anything serious. She said she loves me that’s why she wants me to commit ( Best beta she knew , but i changed untill then). I soft-nexted her. Later, she reached out again saying she wanted to travel with me , clearly trying to secure a beta-bux situation: invest resources first, maybe get sex later. I ghosted her. She tried reaching out three times over the following year. No response from me. Now, two years later, she sent me an invitation to her graduation. She's 26 now, so yeah she hit the wall.
Currently, I have one plate and one FWB. I'm wondering whether I should give her a chance, attend the graduation, reopen communication, and plate a former oneitis ( who knew me when i was in my BP days) , or stick to the rule: "don't dig through the trash." Has anyone here successfully plated a former oneitis without falling back into old mental patterns?
Thanks in advance.
GeorgeIII 1d ago Stickied
First, I really hope this is a troll.
Assuming good faith and that you aren’t trolling, the short version is: get the hell away from her.
How can she be your ex and you never fucked? Forget “she’s not yours, it’s just your turn”. It was never your turn to begin with.
Look, you’ve changed since when you were last “with her” or whatever. And she has an expectation that you are a beta buxxer, and that you will always be there for her, and that you can’t get laid.
It’s really hard to change ANYONE’S perception of you once it has been established, even more so women who think you are beta. When you do change, the people who knew the old you resist it, and think you are being fake. They want you to go back to being the old you because it’s comfortable and predictable for them. Once you’ve changed, it’s ALWAYS easier to just meet and associate with new people than change what they think of you.
OP, you are in a dangerous spot. It sounds like now you do fuck on the side, but your “ex” will not accept that, and wants you to go back to being her beta orbiter. Forget the graduation, forget this chick, if you keep her in your life, she will actively ruin what you have going with any plates you find, all to keep you in her orbit. Plus if she lives rent free in your head, it will damage any potential FWB or relationship you might get into down the road. Ask yourself: do you want your interactions with any girls down the line to be hamstrung by a woman who doesn’t even like you?
OP, I highly recommend not just ditching her graduation, but straight up cutting her off and ghosting her. This woman is like a vampire, who will suck up everything from you EXCEPT what’s in your balls. Literally exactly the opposite outcome of what you want in this post. If you have mutual friends with this chick, cut them off too. The new you isn’t compatible with her/her social circle.
And what the hell is this commitment before sex thing? It’s 2026, and you even know she’s a turbo slut. OP, run for the hills. Run for the hills, and the next valley over, and the mountains after that. That’s absolutely crazy, and she knows what she is doing to your head.
Machiaspinner 1d ago
Solid wise words , thanks a lot .
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1d ago
Love it. I said similar to someone else a while back.
GeorgeIII 1d ago
LOL WTF did I just read
On a related note, how do I post a reply with a quote box like you did? HTML tags? New to posting here
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1d ago
The greater than symbol.
No, it's the same formatting as at reddit, if you're familiar with that.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1d ago
>quoted text
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1d ago
Overkill_Engine Endorsed Contributor 1d ago
Any woman that has passed on you as a prospect at any point in your life should be considered forever dead to you as a prospect as well.
For your sake. You are not the Count of Monte Cristo.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1d ago
I've converted no's and ghosts to yeses. But it requires you actual forget about them. In both cases I actually forgot it was the same women and didn't recognize them till later
Overkill_Engine Endorsed Contributor 1d ago
Yeah but this guy is clearly not doing that. He hasn't let the fixation on her die properly, and some men never will unless somehow forced to. They don't want to have to admit that a ho is just a ho, (thus should be treated as such) and they cling to the hope that if they finally decrypt the pussy password, that special (well used and conquered more than central Europe by Chad the Impaler) princess pussy will finally be theirs and theirs alone.
Lol. LMAO.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1d ago
Most men seem to never experience a good woman with a low body count
I find that's the easiest way to see a ho for a ho. A steady diet of hoes usually does not wake up men to seeing hoes for what they are
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1d ago
Are you retarded?
First-light 2 1d ago
She is just hoping she still has the option of you open. Probably never wants to cash it in but its still a nice thing to have, it gives her glory and comfort.
Unless or until she makes all the running and basically says "bang me" ignore and avoid. It will snow in June before this. (It just, just might snow in june but you wouldn't book a ski vacation in June and similarly you would not go to her graduation in the hope of banging (when she will be busy as hell with family and college friends anyway).
There is nothing good coming form this female. All you will do is make expense to put yourself in her trophy cabinet, when she didn't even have to let you nut in her once to put you there. Briffault applies in this case even though you have not banged her. The relationship continues while the benefit flows to her.
It is just possible that when she has done marriage to someone she will put out for and done chadding again with the pilates instructor as a gay divorcee, she may get desperate and want you to bang her. Then if she re-writes the rules and changes the nature of the relationship, then you could plate her. This will not be for 10 to 20 years. By then the odds of you caring will be minimal and if you do care it will likely just be a revenge fuck anyway as she will be past being interesting.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1d ago
After seeing these two phrases next to each other, refuse to even read this post. Get some self respect
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1d ago
Edit: will have to read this post to see if troll
Machiaspinner 1d ago
I found out about her dirty past later in the relationship , then i ended it .
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1d ago
So then keep it ended what the fuck man
I read part of your title and one phrase and already know that's what you need to do
Vermillion-Rx Admin 23h ago
Okay I reread the post
Here's the tl;dr
~Oneitis, not even a make out (broke it off) broke what off? Slobbering over her for nothing?
~Some time later (probably a year or more) made out, she still wouldn't fuck you [she was fucking someone]
~2, yes TWO years later she reaches out and you crumble but at least didn't take it up
~Another year later she reaches out to go support her retarded ambitions after all the college dick she was certainly taking
What is trash??? She was never your ex for fucks sake
Jesus fuck man. This woman will not fuck you because you are forever a backup option I her mind while she took college dick in the background this whole time
If you insist on fucking her than treat her like the fucking whore she is. This post is completely unnecessary. "Fuck me or fuck off"
Vermillion-Rx Admin 23h ago
I've had women refuse to fuck me but try to make plans all day they will never take up
And they clearly wanted commitment from me
I've found there are two women who will do this:
1) women who peg you as a backup option, who for whatever reason could never organically have enough genuine desire to fuck you outright, and you are their plan B payout, so they will never fuck you without getting their backup security signed
2) women that want you so badly that if you fucked them and then fucked other chicks and didn't commit their entire inner world and self-esteem would crumble, so they won't fuck you without assurances in writing
1 is way more common
2 has happened to me, where there was nothing wrong with my game, and if anything I may have over-gamed them or unintentionally dreaded them so badly with social proof and preselection that they couldn't handle their emotions.
The vast majority of women seem to think I'm fucking half the town or something. But your situation sounds like a solid # 1 scenario, however you have gotten yourself into shape and have # 2 going on as well so she more than likely is confused as fuck
"This beta male is fucking? What? Who is he? How do I get him now? He's a bitch but also he's hot now? He's a hot bitch beta?"
Her hamster has no idea what to do because you are giving her highly conflicting signals. Your past and present do not align at all. And I'm sure she can still tell you are hook line and sinker.
If you really want to fuck her invite her over and escalate and if she doesn't put out, ignore her on the bed or couch and text your other hoes until she gives in or leaves and if she leaves block her
And if you fuck treat her like a lowly whore that fucks and sucks you here and there.
Except I know if you fuck her you're going to try to put a ring on this prostitute while she sucks someone's dick in the back of their beat up Ford
GeorgeIII 23h ago
OP is not ready for this level of detail. He clearly needs to cut this woman out of his life completely and totally.
I had a friend who went through something similar, also a few years, and he totally wasted his time and energy on a similar whore. These years were in undergrad studies too, mind you, so he lost time he could’ve met other girls.
She gave him just enough attention just to bait him back in when she sensed my friend drifting away. It was really sad to see a slow motion wreck. In the end really similar, they kissed but she didn’t feel like fucking (my friend). I heard it from him every few months. She gave him a chance this time, only go cold again. Over and over and over again.
OP, I know it’s hard for men in situations like yours to truly get out of, 100% mentally. For your own good. Just. Ghost. And. BLOCK. Even letting this woman write you is a chink in your mental armor, which she WILL exploit.
You even said it yourself, she recently made out with you but gave you bullshit about how “she isn’t like that anymore”. Every second you interact with her you are getting played. She. Does. Not. Like. You. Don’t walk. Run.
And block everywhere so she cannot contact you no matter what. She was your oneitis. Failure to totally cut contact will result in you AT BEST losing a few years of your youth and sanity. Keep her in your life at your own risk, and ONLY your own risk.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 21h ago
You're right OP didn't need any hail mary advice even if it ends up working
If he succeeds she will crush his soul a and will stay crushed for a few years
No-Stress-Cat 22h ago
Bro, WTF? Kick her to the curb.
That's what she would say if the roles were reversed.
ogrilla99 21h ago
Look at it this way. I have lots of friends I made in high school, college, and beyond. And I'm at an age where lots of them have done incredible things, command enormous respect in society, have intimidating titles and job responsibilities, etc. And yet, it doesn't matter. To me, they'll always be the shy kid in high school that I hung out with, or the fellow trainee that was always getting yelled at. When we get together, I don't give a shit about what they've done afterwards. In my mind, they're always the guy they were when we first became buddies. And same with the way they view me. Nothing will ever change that, which is why we're still close.
It's the same deal here. No matter what you do, in this girl's mind, you will always be the guy she first met as a blue pill, awkward dude. And she will always treat you that way. You can spend your mental energy fighting this until the day you die. And of the people that do, maybe 1 in a thousand succeed (briefly, until the old relationship dynamics re-emerge). But it's never worth the cost, even if you succeed.
This where the movies are wrong: if you were ever just a friend, you will always be just a friend. Hell, she might even marry you, and give you starfish sex once in a while, but she'll never desire you the way she desired the guys she was genuinely sexually attracted to.
I could give you advice on how to do it, knowing that you'll likely fail even if you follow every single rule (ask me how I know), but you'll be far more successful taking that time and energy and spending it on a new girl who has no memory of who you used to be.
Overkill_Engine Endorsed Contributor 9h ago
To add on, this is also why so many women end up chasing some guy that ends up being a dead end washout until they themselves are post-wall; their brain is fixated on their initial naively idealistic dopamine driven impressions of the guy in their teens and early twenties, and it refuses to re-calibrate for updates to the reality until far far far after it is too late to do them any good. It's their form of orbiting.
The lesson? Don't be an orbiter. Do whatever it takes to break free.