Background
- I’m 29. Lots of relationships, always end as it don’t want kids or marriage. Currently in an open relationship.
- she is 39, two daughters and going through a divorce
- met her via mutual friends. Over the last few months we gotten close over various social events. She doesn’t come to much as she is busy but she always comes when I’m 100% certain to be there. She gets very jealous when other girls speak to me.
Party and sleeping with her
- we was at a party, we spent all night together. We kiss slightly a few times but she pulls away. She says I have a girlfriend or that everyone is watches
- she tells everyone we are just friends.
- we separate but I hear that she is looking for me. I find her, we kiss and make out.
- we get a hotel room and we sleep together.
Mixed signals from her
- she tells everyone we are just friends
- while kissing and making out she says she can’t do this as she too old for me. She has too much baggage with children
- she tells me she never wants to lose me as a friend. I’ve become invaluable in her life. I’m a high point for her.
- she said she can’t be with me as I don’t even want to get married. She pulls away from kissing. I lean back and she says your not even fighting for me.
I call her the next day
- I call her to she how she is and what she wants. I tell her are we more than friends? She says she wants to keep things casual as friends. And see where this goes with no labels.
- she can’t jump into things as she never has much time with full time work and having two kids. She said is going through divorce as well.
- she doesn’t want to jump into things and ruin our friendship. She doesn’t want to lose me from her life as she wouldn’t know what do without me.
- she says she barley has time for anything and she can’t just drop her commitments for me.
- she said she has a fear of getting hurt.
What is going on?
- have I blown my chances by asking if she wants more?
- what does she want? Does she does want just friends or something more.
- is she afraid that I’m younger and therefore could leave at anytime? Thus losing me all together?
What should I do?
- when I next see her act like it never happened and just flirt and be friends like before or maybe ignore her and let her feel what life is without me?
qzone 1d ago
There is a lot to unpack here, but I ask you this: What are your intentions with this woman? Are you aiming to commit to a 39 year old woman who has two kids and is going through a divorce? If yes, why? Have some self respect, man. I don't care if she looks like Jennifer Anniston. 99 times out of a 100 that is a terrible idea that is going to be a disaster... I'll quote Rian Stone here... "single mothers... a terrible situation that's not my problem"
If your answer is no, and you are looking to plate her, I actually have a plate at the moment that is a single mother. Initially, the single mother I have plated LOVED the idea of casual sex, noting "it finally means I'm moving past my ex". For a while now though, it's "I know what I deserve for my daughter and myself" and she has distanced from me. The glimmer of the validation wore off. Plates always break eventually. Women have their own motivations as well, and it seems that this 39 year old woman that has two kids probably lives life compulsively pursuing and much heavily prefers relationships as her base state despite probably genuinely wanting to fuck you and probably does enjoy the validation. Call it conflicting motivations. You told her you "don’t want kids or marriage" as well as you not having kids probably smells of bachelordom, so if she is wired to compulsively pursue that, that part of motivations for her may understand pursuing you is not going to accomplish her goals.
I would let the situation cool off, play it cool, and wait for the next opportunity to be around her in person, break the ice yourself, and game her like you have been if your goal is to continue fucking her.
Finally, I'd be careful closing a girl that is giving mixed signals on whether she wants it. A little post-hoc regret from a woman is all it takes in 2025 to end your career or your social life. If a woman seems even sort of iffy on fucking, pull back the reins. Though I may be stating the obvious in saying that.
edit: to piggy back on what First-light mentioned, you're playing with fire if you have a lot of mutual friends. Slowly disengaging might be your safest bet. You never know when a younger, tighter girl with no kids might come around with this friend group (Johnny decides to bring his hot sister one day), and you don't want to be entangled with something you're not (or you shouldn't be) super excited about. Good things come to those who wait. She has given you your out in wanting to be friends. Think with your brain and not your dick, and take it.
Wartortle This Guy Follows Advice 23h ago
I appreciate there is a lot but thank you for reading and responding.
I’m not sure what I want. I enjoy her friendship and I see something potential long term. However like you say plates don’t last forever. Neither do friendships.
I was hoping something of a relationship. Maybe see each other twice a week. The rest of the time I can focus on myself while she focuses on her children.
I think she wants something more like when she said you’re not even fighting for me.
I am a risk taker I would still like to pursue this. She is attractive and she could have had random one night stands with anyone. Before she slept with me she said will we always be friends and in each others lives
So how do I make my next move? Let it cool off then flirt again? I don’t want her to think she was just a pump and dump.
Or do I keep doing what I’ve been doing? Act like whatever she said doesn’t phase?
qzone 23h ago
"I was hoping something of a relationship" I'm going to tell you, for the sake of beneficence and that I hope as a man on the red pilled forums you will listen, that is a mistake and you should not do that.
"She is attractive and she could have had random one night stands with anyone" this applies to all women that are decent looking.
"I am a risk taker I would still like to pursue this" You are suffering from oneitis so this may be hard to imagine, but pursuing a relationship with her is a risk in the ballpark of asking out your business babe feminist direct supervisor at a job you just started yesterday to drinks. At best going for this single mom more than casually will be a gigantic waste of time that you could have spent banging or dating women that are younger and tighter (she has already failed at a long form relationship with someone that she thought was "the one" at least once i.e. divorce), and at worst, you'll ruin your entire friend group when the relationship comes crashing down. She has already shown she is the jealous type. She will not do an open relationship over the long term.
Your next move is to play it cool, act like nothing happened, amp down the flirting gradually over time, amp up the "you are right, we should just be friends" over time. Alternatively, if you want to fuck her without a relationship, you can follow her lead in that she already does not want people as a whole to see you guys as a couple, do not tell a single soul, but don't deny it if someone asks you. And use condoms AND take them with you when you leave
First-light 2 1d ago
You have another woman and this woman is 10 years older than you with kids and emotional baggage. Do get your priorities straight. This woman, if she lets her guard down -and it has slipped already- could end up being a major thorn in your side if she falls for you. You know it will end badly and then she will end up saying to your friends how badly you used her when she was vulnerable.
You go lucky she is backing off but it seems you also got bitten.
I would keep your distance, tell her you agree she is vulnerable and its best to stay friends and move only very slowly if and when she likes. This gives her confidence. Then let her come to you while you just act friendly until her guard slips again whenever. You have no need to care when that is, you are in a surplus situation. But if you try to make things happen and push through her fears, it could go two ways. She could run away or you will end up being the one who hurt her in her eyes and why bother with all that drama in your friends' circle even if you care nothing for her.
preach 23h ago
To be frank you're asking too many stupid questions in this post. What is going on? Have I blown my chance? Does she want more?
WHO CARES
You are 29. She is 39. She is also going through a divorce which means she is still technically married!! WTF man, you're actually agonizing over your status with this woman when she is still legally married? She needs to be kissing the damn ground you walk on because you are both younger than her and have taken her to pound town. She is going through a damn divorce, I do not give a shit whoever it is, divorce is serious business for anyone to go through and is emotionally draining. She is not going to be anywhere near ready for a serious, real relationship for at least a year after the divorce is finalized in court. Read that again if you don't understand: finalized in court. Meaning a judge has signed off on it.
You need to go bang a couple of girls around your age range within the next week or so and make sure she knows you're seeing other women. Stop getting so worked up on this nonsense with this older woman, she can't even give you straight answers about what's going on in her life right now, dodges questions, and generally acts vapid, like most women do. Tell her to bring a friend next time she wants to bang.
NeoSpartan 13h ago
Bruh.
No.
No-Stress-Cat 3h ago
Young Jedi, simply put, you are her booty call. Stop asking her for a relationship.