Not an important post, but it's something I've been noticing only lately and it has me confused - not complaining though. I wondered if you guys might have any insight on what the fuck is happening here.
So basically, I spent the last 3 years in isolation/monk mode after a major breakup that honestly traumatised me - my own fault though for not walking away sooner, but that's besides the point.
In those 3 years, any time I went outside; whether it was just to go shopping, for a gig or social event, I noticed women no longer paid any attention to me. I might have got the rare look here or there, but it was very rare and I know this because I was always paying attention to whether girls looked, I think because I was starved of it during the time. To add to that, I was always good at spotting choosing signals prior to the isolation because I was consistently sexually active for years - so I knew if a woman wanted me without ever having to speak to them. I kind of lost that skill through my time alone, and with low self esteem.
Anyway, fast forward to the last month or so. I started seeing a girl around mid-August, it was an intense and passionate situationship that burned out almost as quickly as it began. The fact that I handled her so well in the beginning was a shock to me after being stagnant for so long - the girl was obsessed initially. I made a couple of posts here on how that shit show ended up, but the key takeaways are: 1. I finally got out of my drought, and 2. My original self esteem and ego were restored, and I realised I was still the man, but still needed to work on some things. I am a rusty katana basically.
That situationship ended roughly 3 weeks ago and I've been a sad, introspective sack of shit ever since.
Here's the thing though... Everywhere I go lately, girls are showing me choosing signals. Today for example, I only popped over to the shop and I had about 7 different girls eye fuck me throughout.
It's been like this for the past few weeks wherever I go. People have even been making comments on my appearance, my "sexiness" etc, but when I look in the mirror at myself, I don't see any difference to who I was in those 3 years alone. The only real differences I can think of is that I have been working out more regularly, but I'm not dressing to impress at all lately - I am still in a state of grief and depressed after what happened recently. So I don't get it. I'm not imagining things either, I am being checked out by most girls everywhere I go lately, and I want to take advantage of it but I feel low.
Anyone know what the fuck is going on? It's not like I've had a sudden change in energy, or like I'm suddenly oozing confidence again. I feel like shit lol.
Answer to my own question: I don't really know, but if I were to guess? Maybe working out has made my face slightly more attractive, but honestly it looks the same to me. Another idea could be that now I've shaken off the rust of the 3 year drought, I'm carrying myself with more ease and less underlying desperation? But I haven't been laid in like 4 weeks, so the rust is on its way back.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 5d ago
@lone_ranger and @mattyanon already had a good reply so I don't want to rehash
I have been where you have been. Alone/incel/wrecked by a cluster b
I've even gotten help from men on this site while being an admin. Everyone is human here
But here is where I see you repeating the same mistakes I once made and no longer make.
You NEED to stop caring and asking why
I cannot stress enough that if you are just simply on your mission as a man and going about your day and doing you women will notice
They are far better than men at mirror neurons and observing facial and emotional cues.
You will never have the same body and energy reading capabilities as a woman
I've similarly gotten a lot of IOIs during absolute shit show recoveries and I suspect it's when I was just driven enough to recover that they noticed the drive or mysterious solitude I was projecting
Look man I have been in your shoes many of times. The fact of the matter is the why is completely irrelevant
As much as you want to know what is going on and why, the fact of the matter is at the end of the day if you are merely driven on your journey and vibing random women will give you excessive or more prevalent interest
The why is irrelevant there are oftentimes in game and red pill outcomes that simply adhering to the basics:
•lift
•follow your mission
•have a skill that you're good at
•have a good vibe/be fun
•indifference
•confidence
Is quite literally almost always going to be a consistent formula. You don't need to ask why those things are always going to be a consistent wide net that will catch a lot of interest no matter what else
The less you care about what women think of you the easier these things above will be amplified
Even if you think you're down in the shitter if you accidentally display enough of these things you'll catch fish
I know you want to know why this is happening but I am telling you that it doesn't matter at all. The more you mentally masturbate past the basics I mentioned the more in your head you will be and not only not reap benefits but sabotage yourself because you are not vibing because you are overthinking to fuck all
Sure, it's fine to have a zen vibe of male perfection and then micro analyze what specifically helps versus doesn't but you are trying to think so far past the basics of what works to the point of self sabotage and analysis paralysis
Sometimes even when you do follow all the basics you won't get interest
-Maybe you just didn't turn your head at the 10 women looking at you all night when they were doing it
-Maybe it's December and every girl and her pet monkey already has a boyfriend that she'll dump when hot girl summer starts
-Maybe the DJ fucking sucks at the bar you're at and the local 2 creeps at the bar already turned off all the available options before you even walked in the club and so you don't get any interest
-Maybe ICE rounded up immigrants on the news and you're in a bar where most women are lefties and you're already fucked because they're in a tizzy
Stop trying to investigate what's working on a micro level. There will be times and avenues when you do everything right and nothing goes well. Its not always on you
But what you can be sure of is if you are simply covering your basics and are outcome independent you will generally get a lot of interest (especially if you're not "looking" for anything and are actually on your mission and indifferent)
You're just making a fuck ton of the mistakes I once made just do you and you will never have to think about this again
MidgetSpinner 4d ago
I was actually in a bar last night where most of the women were lefties, funnily enough. Felt like I'd accidentally fell into a zoo enclosure.
And yeah man, I am famous for ruminating and holding myself to ridiculous standards. I'm also blind while I'm in that state, because half the time I am capable of being magnetic and funny and it usually comes from not trying, nor giving a fuck which is my baseline state I believe. You'll know when I'm not in that state because I come here and make stupid fucking posts ;)
I'm working on the good vibes/fun, confidence and indifference part right now but I'm falling flat. I still think about this girl, and it's annoying. As I said, I also went to a bar last night to go and jam, socialise etc, and initially it was cool. I was on stage drumming - felt nothing though. Performing is easy for me, it was later in the evening where I just felt like I wanted to be alone and not really talk to anyone. I was putting out brooding/loner energy, when I know deep down I'm not really built that way. Just feel flat lately, dude. I know I've got good game with chicks too, but I can't access it right now - I feel wounded and like a shell at the moment, but I will take your advice. I usually don't give a fuck about anything. I know some of you may find that hard to believe when you see my posts here though lol.
mattyanon Admin 5d ago
Nice
This will do it.
Slimmer / more muscles / happier / more energetic?
Also, the world is finally getting out of the covid lockdown shit.
Many people say that getting laid makes you more attractive........ honestly, it's never made much difference to me in receiving choosing signals. Dressing well helps, getting laid doesn't make much difference in my experience - yours may differ.
cundardunfinished 1w ago
nothing like getting your dick wet to add some pep in your step
Lone_Ranger 3 1w ago
Hey man, i've been reading your posts for a while. I sympathise and identify with a lot of what you say.
I think the issue with you is this: you are controlling for the wrong metrics. You leave your house and you are instantly gauging how much / little women want you.
You may have heard the phrase before: a woman can only ever be a side quest. She can never be your purpose.
I would encourage you to broaden that from 'woman' to 'women'. Women can never be your goal, your purpose. They can only ever be an accessory to a life well lived.
You have put women (plural) as your main quest. It is in everything that you write. We hear nothing of any plans to make your life worth living, other than the conquest of women. You seem to be seeking validation and attention from women in general, and this is making you anxious, miserable and you have a general feeling of unease, depression and directionlessness.
The answer is that you need to focus on YOU. You need to develop your career, your network of friends, your social circles. Find out what it is about you that is worthy (it cannot be the attention and validation of women).
In many respects (I am not trying to shame you, it is basically the fault of the culture and society that we live in) the weltanshaung that you are exhbiting is essentially a female orientated world view. Women naturally base their entire self worth on the amount of attention and validation that they can get from men. This is evolutionary biology at work - without male vaidation and attention, females would die. They cannot take care of themselves, so they need the attention / validation of a man to live. Firstly from their father, and then from a male that will love and protect them.
What you have done is adopt the posture of a female and translated it into a male verision - your entire life appears to be dependent on the attention of women.
You know what to do. You know the path you need to take. Make something of yourself. And do it for you - not for the imagined future attention that you believe you migth obtain from some fictional woman / women of the future. That way lies madness.
MidgetSpinner 1w ago
I appreciate this reply, mate.
I'd like to start off by just saying that I agree with you - I have been acting like a bitch as of late, and in general throughout my life I've unconsciously taken on this "feminine world view" as you put it. I don't think I have to explain to you why, I'm sure you get it, it's just been a long time since I've had any action to put it simply and I didn't properly fill the void in that time.
That said, I was focused on myself for the most part. I began to rebuild my life brick by brick during those 3 years; I got back into music and playing in bands again, and that's still an ongoing thing. I would essentially call that 'my purpose', and as a consequence of that my social life is better than it was in the 3 years alone, but I admit it's still not where I want it to be - it could be a lot better. Other than the music I don't have much else going on though. I workout, and I work intermittently but I don't have a career and honestly I've never quite known what kind of career I want.
It's a shame because I feel like I am capable of so much, and when I want something I go after it with 100% conviction and drive, yet it's like there is a mental block when it comes to finding a career, and a lack of qualifications, so I just go back to doing the same shitty old jobs as a means to an end knowing deep down I don't enjoy that work, and that I could be doing better, I just don't know where to begin. It's almost overwhelming. Playing drums and being a musician is the only true constant in my life, and I'm very good at it, but I don't know how to turn that into a career beyond hoping I'm lucky enough to be noticed or be in a band that is noticed. It's essentially a fucking pipe dream.
Going back to the topic at hand though, I genuinely felt centered before I met this girl and had no intention catching feelings or of getting oneitis, yet it happened and it inevitably pushed her from very high interest, to blocking me. Intellectually I knew my behaviour at times was unmasculine and pathetic, but it was like my brain had become overriden with fear and panic, and my body felt it too, and so I reacted impulsively to her pulling back despite knowing better. It was short and intense, as I said. It was like the perfect storm of passion and toxicity.
I'm actually getting some help for that now, but I should have done it a long time ago. I'm not saying her behaviour was perfect either. I should have vetted her properly - I saw all of the early warning signs, but chose to ignore them because I was finally getting my fix and I didn't want it to end so soon. Catching feelings for her seemed to have come out of left field too. I was in my frame initially, and her interest in me was exponential to the point it looked like lovebombing - telling me she was falling for me within the first week. I knew that wasn't right, but I just soaked it up haha, and then I got drawn in afterwards. I know better now, but that doesn't negate the fact that I handled it like an idiot and am feeling the pain from my behaviour now.
But anyway, yeah, the focus is back on me. I am pushing for more independence and on my grind and purpose again, but part of me is afraid if I meet a girl like that again in future that whatever this benign attachment issue is that resides within me is gonna rear its ugly head again and take me off course. That's the issue - doesn't matter if I focus on my life, if I fall in love with a girl or what feels like love, it's like everything gets sidelined. It feels like all the Red Pill knowledge in the world can't prevent what happens to me when that occurs. I'm not proud of it, in fact I hate it, but I am working on it.
@Vermillion-Rx You're trained in psychology, maybe you can tell me what the fuck is wrong with me hahaha.
Lone_Ranger 3 6d ago
There is a lot of you that I see in me.
Here is the thing - when you don't have career goals, you end up putting something else as your goal. It's almost like the drive that you SHOULD have for your career, gets misplaced into women / a woman. As if that would sort you life out.
You have chosen a difficult path - you seem to be focused on being a drummer, that is your identity. Whether you want to be a poet, writer, musician or whatever artist that someone chooses, the difficulty is that 99% of them end up losing money in that field. This is the opposite of what happens to a Dentist. 99% of them end up making quite a bit of money.
What would if feel like if you decided to make drumming your hobby instead of your career? How would that make you feel?
What is your identity? how do you feel about yourself? how do you describe yourself to yourself?
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1w ago
You went from a dry spell to getting laid again. You're giving off confidence without realizing it.
MidgetSpinner 1w ago
Yeah, but I feel like I'm not gonna get laid again for a while lol. I could capitalise on it, but I don't feel like I wanna go near another woman right this second after that BS.
Mountainman 1w ago
You’re so back ????
MidgetSpinner 6d ago
Hahahahaha
First-light 2 1w ago
As they always say, women are like buses. None turns up when you need one and then 3 come along all together.
You did something that crossed a threshold of perceived value and now its game on -probably the way you walked, engaged with others and looked at women around you?
Great to hear it, enjoy.