Some background so im in my late 20s and my mom has always been extremely aggressive not sure if thats the right word. But she was born in a different country along with my Dad and moved here when she was 16 for college and such as did my Dad from the same country although my Dad is almost a decade older. They are by no means straight off the boat theyve been living here for over 30-40yrs and are very Americanized but they obviously still have a lot of that culture left.

Growing up you know I never had a tuff childhood financially we were if anything very well off, but definetley emotionally I was a little unstable, I would always get into fights with my mother screaming bouts, I was frequently hit as is common in that culture, but I grew up relatively fine you know for what it was, I just attributed it to immigrant parents you know my friends were also children of immigrants so I never thought too much into.

But even among my siblings I always got into the most with here, I remember she called the cops on me one time because I ran away and I even tried to go to the neighbor for help, they dismissed me as having some mental health issues. But of course every kid wants to run away so I started believing maybe I was a problem child like I was told you know middle child syndrome. Despite all this I can confidently say as a grown adult I infact did not have any mental health issues somehow maybe some ocd now but besides that I would say Im actually somehow extrodinarily well adjusted as are my siblings and we’ve all done pretty well for each other.

But as I’ve gotten older Ive realized the grim reality of the situation my mom was in fact not just a tough mother but a raging narcissist made worse by the fact that she was from a particularly aggressive cultural background where you’re taught elders are absolute. I quickly learned more like the fact the narcissits often have are born from other narcissists and that there is typically an enabler who does nothing about the situation. Perfect match, I immediately realized that my mom had never once talked about her father who died before I was born not once and she had one time made an offhand comment about not having any good memories with him.

As I got older I realized she was in fact not normal, it became extremely apparent when I noticed that despite the culture her siblings also knew something was up, mentioning stories like how she once slapped someone in church.

My Dad as the enabler is probably the biggest problem in the culture the elder is always right, she utters absolute abuse at him every single day horrendous things and he does nothing but still supports her.

The craziest thing is I started putting pieces of my childhood that went wrong together. I had gotten kicked off my childhood soccer team and I always thought it was because I wasn’t good enough turns out my mom got into it with the coach my Dad told me years later. Team was ranked #1 in the nation and many kids end up going pro.

Anyways why am I saying all this well I believe shes fully starting to lose it and Idk what to do. She snaps at everything even if you do something right she’ll scream at you because you didn’t consider something small it could be anything and then she’ll rationalize it away as shes always right “she doesn’t care if shes wrong she’s our mother” its actually kind of sad because I actually think its becoming a mental health issue, theres 0%chance she gets help because its frowned upon in our culture and my father the elder wont speak up.

My oldest sibling has an obsession to please her which is obviously impossible, I also found out that this is highly common.

My Dad has Cancer, diabetes , Just had the worst kind of heart attack and so Ive had to move home in the midst of quitting my job and starting my own business, I have no idea what to do I don’t have enough money to move out as its all going to keep the business afloat I have an injury that needs to be treated as well, so I have upcoming medical costs. I kind of feel sad because im watching my mom lose it in real time its always been somewhat manageable but lately im seeing flashes, her mom also had dementia so Idk if it could be signs of a impending medical condition no idea what to do. How do I handle the current situation do I have to cut her off?

Sorry for long post. Tldr: My mom is a narcissist but is growing increasingly controlling and aggressive with age to the point of illness. Have to take care of sick dad who is also abused by her but he is just as bad and I have no means to move out in the midst of starting a business. Certain siblings also have an unhealthy attachment to try and fix a unwinneable situation.