A few months back, a woman came back into my life. We had history. She’d broken up with her ex about three months earlier, and when she reached out, she genuinely wanted to rebuild something real.
From there, things moved fast. We started working out together daily, even went on a diet together. The chemistry came rushing back, emotionally, mentally, and physically. We were having sex constantly, laughing, connecting, and for the first time in years, she was the one chasing. It felt natural, mutual, and easy.
About a week before she found out she was pregnant, she told me “I love you” for the first time in years. She said she felt safe with me and that “things will be different this time.” I believed her. It felt like we were finally aligned.
Then she found out she was pregnant, and everything shifted. She became distant, colder, emotionally guarded. I tell myself part of it might be hormones or fear, but it’s hard not to feel the change.
Recently, she worked a job again, for her ex. She used to work for his company when they were together. It’s not full-time; she just helps package and ship products occasionally, maybe a day or two at a time. I don’t believe it’s about him emotionally, (might be some emotional residue I don’t know) I think it’s her trying to escape reality/hold on to some independence a bit now that she feels it slipping away because of the pregnancy. They say hormones may get women to act irrationally..
The moment I felt her energy shift, I pulled back. I stopped chasing, stopped trying to fix things, and focused on staying composed. I made one mistake early on I questioned paternity since she was distant. (Even though I know it’s not true we were together all day, every day during her conception window) Since then, I’ve kept my frame, given her space, and tried to handle things with patience and respect. I still care deeply for her, but I’m trying to move through this with strength, not fear or attachment.
If any of you have been in a situation like this, where love and distance clash, how did you stay grounded? How do you keep your masculine center when the woman you love starts to pull away at the exact time you both need connection most?
Let me end this with saying we weren't truly ever 'Official' again.
Thanks for reading.
My interpretation is don't overreact even if it seems like she might be losing her mind and acting irrationally because of her hormones but how can I not overreact while i feel betrayed and disrespected.
My questions to ask trp:
Am I crazy for still having hope?
Is it fair to blame everything on hormones?
Do you think time and space actually make a difference in situations like this?
What would you do if you were in my shoes?
SeasonedRP 2 1d ago
Continue to pull back and get a paternity test if she has the kid. You say it's unlikely that it's someone else's but should confirm before being on the hook for years of child support.
It's not a good sign at all that she became cold and distant toward you upon learning that she's pregnant. That's the opposite of what should happen. It's even worse that she went and sought out a situation where she could be around her ex. This woman clearly isn't that into you. She may have come back for the validation, who knows, but her actions now tell you all you need to know about how she feels about you. Hormones aren't the culprit-if she were into you, she'd be super drawn to you now.
For specific answers to your questions: 1) Yes. 2) No. 3) No. 4) Keep your distance and get a paternity test if she has the kid.
throwaway415 1 20h ago
definitely get your paternity test as seasonedrp said. also I think having unprotected sex with a modern woman is a huge mistake. I would never conceive life with these modern women
cundardunfinished 14h ago
You're not thinking straight.
She said she recently broke up with her ex (emphasis said, you have repeatedly made the mistake of listening to her words rather than her actions).
Some time after you started fucking her she got pregnant.
After she got pregnant she became distant, and reconnected with her ex. You hamstered a bunch of reasons for why this is and her motivations, but there are a lot of places to work in the world that aren't for him.
Remember Iron Rule of Tomassi #7: "It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was."
https://therationalmale.com/2011/09/08/rooting-through-garbage/
If she tries to peg you as the father get a paternity test. Don't expect anything from this relationship
First-light 2 4h ago
Pregnancy does scramble women's hormones but in my experience, if they want you and it is your child, it makes them feel they need your support more than ever. They may not be as good company. They may be less into sex (though not necessarily), they may have moos swings and energy dips but if this is your child, you would expect her to be keen to bond with you and lock you down.
From this distance, it looks like she is keeping things open with her ex and keeping things open with you. I would not come forward to her offering you services as father for this child. I would let her play her hand how she likes. It may save you a lot of misery if she just makes a self interested decision against you. If she claims you are the father, play along quietly but do not spend on her or the child until you have that DNA test result. The only thing you should spend on is the DNA test and don't even get that until she claims its yours.
This one has bad vibes, that's all I would say.