Hey everyone, I’m new here and wanted to put my story out because I’ve been carrying this around and could use some outside perspective. I met a girl about a year ago, and from the start we clicked in a way that felt different. We spent a lot of time together, shared plans, and she really made me feel like I’d found something serious. But lately things have shifted. She’s become distant, cancels plans often, and when we’re together it feels like her attention is somewhere else. I’ve tried to bring it up without sounding needy, but she brushes it off with "I’m just busy." I can’t figure out if I should keep putting effort in, give her more space, or take the distance as a sign that it’s time to move on. I know emotions can cloud judgment, so I’d like to hear from people who’ve been in similar situations. How do you decide when it’s worth fighting for and when it’s smarter to walk away?
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Bozza 2 3h ago
There's your answer.
Have you been dating and sleeping with multiple women? Or is this a case of a girl liked you and you fell in love with her. Because from the limited information you've given, this sounds like a classic case of Oneitis.
Cut your losses with this girl, read through the sidebar, and start spinning plates.
throwaway415 3h ago
she was never yours. it was just your turn. now its someone elses
it is almost never worth fighting for. abundance is key. most women aren't capable of maintaining a long term relationship or even worth the effort to have one with to begin with. they are like chaff before the wind. treat them like the temporary thing they are and gftow. in fact, "fighting" for them is usually counterproductive and only pushes them further away. it signals scarcity which is a turn off to women.
if you limit yourself to seeing only one woman at a time while entertaining the delusion that she will stick around for the long haul, you only limit your options, create unnecessary scarcity which also facilitates a mindset that will turn her off and make her leave you faster, and harms your chances of finding the rare type of woman that is suitable for an LTR and will actually at least partially match the effort you put in. it sets the stage for oneitis and is an inefficient investment of your time and energy. spin more plates and read the side bar
more plates means more potential candidates for an LTR - preferably one that is longer than just a year, and also more sex and enjoyment of different women in general. it boosts your confidence and facilitates the abundance mentality which is one of the keys to attracting women and keeping them in your rotation. vetting women for LTR suitability is a time consuming process and spinning multiple plates at a time optimizes that process so that you aren't wasting years and years of your life on women who turn out to be disappointments.
dont bet on it, but if you match her energy and start to disengage from her without trying to "fight" for her, it might even reel her back in. if not, dont stress about it. learn to let go of people who dont want to be part of your life and remember that there are plenty of fish in the sea
mattyanon Admin 2h ago
Right.
The relationship is over, the sex is going downhill. But you are expected to provide security until she monkeybranches to someone who interests her.
Sorry to tell you, but it's over.
Right.
If she was seriously interested in making it work with you, she'd talk to you about it.
Sorry to tell you that you need to find more options in life.
NO.
Absolutely not. The more effort you put in the less she will respect you.
It's time to move on my man.
For whatever reason, she has checked out. This usually happens after 2 to 4 years. Gradual beta-ization. Insist on your commitment, while she loses interest.
The worst thing you can do is try to make it work.
See my recent article on here about "trying to make it work". I think I also put it in my ever expanding blog posts on here.
Been here oh my fucking god so many times.
This is how exclusive relationships work. After a few years the girl checks out and you're on the slow steady decline towards little-sex, no fun and no commitment from her and no input from her, all while she tells you it's fine and there's nothing to worry about.
Find better. You don't have to leave right now, but you do have to do everything in your power to be more attractive and find more options.
Musicgoon78 3 35m ago
☝️This is your answer OP.
I couldn't have put it better than this.