I've been exclusive with a woman I had previously been involved with some years ago, this time for a few months. It wasn't long after ending things with the girl in my last post. It seemed like a really great idea at the time... you know how that goes...
She's an awesome woman for the most part: sex as much as I want, kinky, fun to spend time with, easy to get along with, great body, cute, smart, driven, good income. Her biggest issue is that she is very anxious, and will anxiety dump on me about relationship insecurities among other things; she had a rough childhood. But as with every woman I've dated (no matter how hot), the call of the strange eventually beckons. I commonly have exposure to a handful of 9's/10's (teachers, nurses, a social worker, etc.), all of whom I would bet money would go out for a drink if I asked. It wasn't like this years ago before I lifted, was less unattractive, and was decent at game.
I have the ambition to, in time, have children and start a family, and this is something she is very serious about as well. I'm late 20s, she is early/mid 20s, so it makes sense for her to be in a rush about it. But at the same time what guy doesn't fantasize about hot young nurses and teachers that you could possibly close? It almost seems like abundance, confidence, and consistent previous success have gotten me to the point where once the honeymoon phase wears off, the lack of scarcity has set in a sense of interchangeability to girls and removed risk of loss.
To answer my own question, the counterargument to that is that women are neither Madonna's nor whores, and so if you could see yourself in a shared life with one, kids in the picture, then go for it, warts and all. That is, if kids are the goal. They'll all have warts of some kind.
On the other hand, one could easily say, why not spin plates for longer? Sow your wild oats? My fear there is giving up on a girl with flaws I can deal with who has a lot going for her.
I fear this post comes off like a huge "should I?" and I do not mean it as such. I ask of the older, more experienced men here that may be able to offer wisdom further down the pipe, what have you learned in hindsight? The answer may be "figure out what you want," and if so, fair enough. Either way, thanks guys.
mattyanon Admin 10h ago
blah blah blah rough childhood... abuse...blah blah.... the usual.
right
right
Well, what do you want? you either play the field, settle down, or find a way to negotiate both.
I mean, this entire post is "I have options, what do I want", and only you can answer that.
cundardunfinished 21h ago
This is why you have standards are are picky about who you commit to, because there is a cost to commitment. It's also why it's often recommended to fuck around a while so that you learn about women and get some of it out of your system. But it's a catch-22 in that men can be broken by fucking around too much also, to where the strange becomes addicting and you miss it perhaps more than you would had you not fucked around as much.
IMO it's just something you have to learn to manage. The grass isn't really greener though. I'm not sure if you've experienced abundance before but in the end all pussy is pink and it also gets a little old also. I think it's telling that a lot of high value men end up committing and I don't think it's because they're all beta, I think it's because once you've had a sea of pussy you realize it isn't that great of an achievement.
As for her warts, I would be very careful committing to a woman without a good family. There are exceptions of course but without knowing the details I'll just say it can rear its head in a lot of situations down the road. If she has shitty genes that also affects your kids. If her mother is broke that can affect your finances. Your kids will have shitty role models on that side. Etc.
First-light 1 21h ago
You have to pick some one some time or you will never reproduce.
If you don't marry her, you can start over with only the pain of child support and there are ways to lessen that.
Men are not designed to be monogamous, so you will always desire other women once the newness of a woman wears off, that is life.
It is easier to have kids when you are young and have lots of energy. Collecting enough resources is a lot less important than most people think. The most important resource is your time and energy.
However, do look at breeding stock. Anxious people usually say it was because they had a hard childhood. The often had a hard childhood because they had unstable parents whose anxieties held them back. They go on to have children who have unstable anxious lives. There are of course exceptions who were very unlucky -like orphans or kids who got a bad step parent who made their life hard. Do look at breeding stock. You want stable happy kids.
In the end its never an easy choice. You can keep your powder dry till dusk and end up empty handed or you take a shot at some point when a good enough animal turns up and offers the shot. Dammed if you, do dammed if you don't but usually best to have taken the shot if the animal looked good enough.