Hello everyone, I hope you’re all doing great. I have a question: did I mess things up with this plate, or should I just consider it broken?
I’ve been seeing this girl, 23 years old, for about five months. She’s a real virgin, shy, feminine, and assertive. For those five months, I basically put her on a pedestal. My morality kept telling me not to escalate, thinking that since she’s a virgin, it wouldn’t lead anywhere and would be a waste of time, even though I know that AWALT.
Despite the clear high interest she was showing me, I kept it cool and made no move. Recently, I finally decided to escalate with kino and kisses, and she was receptive didn’t close . But after the second time, she said she wanted to talk.
She told me she wasn’t expecting things to go that far, especially since we had known each other for five months and I hadn’t made a move until now. She also mentioned that I come off as a bit arrogant and hard to deal with, probably because I’ve been maintaining my frame and giving her only occasional validation. She added that she just wants to enjoy her time, because i told her that I wasn’t looking for anything serious at the moment previously , which in hindsight I probably shouldn’t have said.
Honestly, she’s right. Waiting that long to escalate was a weak move on my part. I tried to cover it by saying “good things take time,” and she just laughed. But deep down, I feel like I triggered her anti-slut defense, and now I’m wondering if it’s best to walk away from this and accept that the plate is broken.
AbusiveFather1 23h ago
A plate is someone that you’re fucking. You’ve been seeing her for 5 months and haven’t fucked her yet. If she’s a virgin at 23 say for religious reasons then no amount of kino will make her give it up because she knows the price of that pussy (in her community), and she will push for marriage and traditional courting. You messed up by establishing a role of a guy that isn’t sexual; it is easier to find another prospect than to fix your reputation with this girl.
So my verdict is: there’s something fishy about her, you have scarcity and need more options, and need to sexualise your interactions right off the bat. Also, I need more details about her
Machiaspinner 23h ago
Yes, she’s Muslim. And you’re totally right , I feel like if I keep going with this mess, I’ll end up with nothing and catch oneitis. Do you think I should just walk away and cut my losses? Thanks.
AbusiveFather1 22h ago
Depends. Few things to consider. Are you a muslim yourself? If not, are you jewish/christian, or atheist/pagan (hinduist, buddhist, etc)? What do you want: do you want to fuck whores, or do you want to start a family? Where do you live? Your country may or may not be compatible with marriage at the moment (i.e. western world vs places like the middle east).
Machiaspinner 20h ago
I wouldn’t say I’m the perfect Muslim. I live in North Africa, but honestly, it’s not that different from the Western world, where I’ve been many times. For the past five months, I’ve been hesitating because of my moral values. I don’t feel comfortable taking a girl’s virginity just for fun, even though she seems to be in her “hoe phase” and often says she wants to explore new experiences and places.
AbusiveFather1 20h ago
Listen, muslims are probably the last hope for normalcy; obviously, christians and jews don't care anymore.
Naturally.
So you have two choices. She's going to fuck around anyway, so you might as well be that guy she does it with. Or, take the high road, and don't contribute to depravity. A lot of people here will tell you that option 1 is the obvious choice, and to "enjoy the decline", but most people here are atheists anyway and don't believe in either afterlife or actually putting up a fight for traditional moral values. Your call, but know that you WILL pay the price, whichever you choose.
On a side-note: where are her parents? If the dad is still around, maybe tell him about his daughter's ambitions of exploration?
Machiaspinner 19h ago
You got the point , it has nothing to do with her. It’s more about my own morality. In the end, I decided to go dread and let her experiment with someone else if that’s what she wants. The guilt that would come with it is too heavy for me to carry on a moral level
MrSupreme 21h ago
First, unless she's some kind of amish or hyper-religious freak, a 23-year old virgin girl is kind of a loser. If you're chasing a virgin for whatever reason at least have 1-2 other girls you're actually fucking. Being a girl's first could be nice but it is far from the best sex you'll ever have and honestly, it is just some kind of mental masturbation to think you "own" a part of her soul forever because you fucked her first, i see guys insisting on going for virgins and i think it is kinda lame, but you do you.
Second, you're right, taking MONTHS to escalate is basically friendzoning yourself. Try and escalate again for a week, but i wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you.
You could use some cheap cheesy emotional crap like "baby I know I decided to take it slow to get to know each other since its your first time but I feel like it is time to move things further cause I'm starting to like you". maybe even add some "If we can't move further I don't think we can stay as friends" stuff to add drama and dread. Still I don't think it would do much, but it is nice to experiment a bit once you stop giving a fuck.
Machiaspinner 20h ago
Thanks for your reply , i know i friendzoned myslef by waiting too long which i don’t usually do and that’s because of my moral values. I don’t feel comfortable taking a girl’s virginity just for fun
MrSupreme 20h ago
As i said, now that you care less try something different. Escalate and communicate, if she don't respond well then let it go, before you go too deep into oneitis.
Ronaldraygun77 20h ago
Ask yourself what you want out of the situation. Is it just sex? There are girls out there that will fuck you with far less effort and investment.
Furthest north I made it in Africa was Adis Abbaba a few years ago, and I agree that western values are spreading. Do you see her as potential LTR material? You still have to vet, see how she handles boundaries, and sleep with her, same as any other girl. Could you live with taking her virginity and its cultural consequences?
Machiaspinner 19h ago
That’s the point , it’s too heavy morally for me to support.
First-light 20h ago
I think that as a plate, its not likely to happen. It was probably never on the cards, she was just enjoying the attention.
If you seriously want a relationship with her it might just be possible but its unlikely. The route to try might be to say "I was slow to come to you like this because when I met you, I was not looking for anything serious. I have had this conflict in my mind about you. I really like and admire you but I can see you are not for fooling around. So I was not sure but now have fallen for you and I am feeling serious about having a proper relationship with you." Then you just have to see if she can see you as someone she would like to be courted by.
Like you say you will probably catch oneitis and if you succeed in breaking through her barriers, she will probably do so too. Religion and custom can guard a girl well but once you break through them the girl herself usually has no inner barriers of her own. The barriers have usually been external and then she can fall badly and there are no limits. You have to be prepared for the consequence of having an innocent fall for you.
I don't think you will get her as a plate unless you seduce her by making her fall in love with you thinking its something serious but do you want the consequences?
Machiaspinner 19h ago
Very true , that’s why i have been hesitating for 5 months . An innocent girl will just fuck me mentally if i decided to open that door for her. At the end , i’ll go dread and let her experiment what she wants somewhere else.
[deleted]
[deleted]