Approached twice today, both times in the same bookstore about 10 min apart(not in sight of either of them).
Learning Game: Daybang(Not done yet)
First approach, girl was reading some book behind me, and I grabbed a book from the shelf and accidentally knocked some over. I jokingly said you didn't see anything, and she agreed and I said thanks and said we were partners in crime. I then said I like her shirt(it had a possum on it) and she said her friend gave it to her, and that she outgrew it. I said nice and asked what she was reading, and it was some book about physiology and said she was really liking it. I then asked if she wanted to grab a coffee upstairs, and I'm not sure where I went wrong here. She said she already had one and looked uncomfortable, and then I wasn't sure what to say so I just said thanks, have a nice day( a little awkwardly), and walked away. My question is why would she be uncomfortable and how can I avoid that? I don't care that I got shot down. The conversation was going great until then, like good vibes, but I'm not sure what I did to make her feel that way.
Self-Answer: Maybe it was an unconscious facial expression on my part, since I felt disappointment. Or it could of just been an issue on her part on being asked out? I think I could have done better controlling my disappointment so that's what I plan to work on.
Second approach, I was waiting in line at checkout to get a book and there were these two cuties in front of me. I asked one that was closest to me if they found anything good(girl 1), and she said yeah that she found an artbook for her friend(girl 2). I then asked girl 2 if she was an artist and she said she was in art class. I then asked about what kind of art she does, and we chatted for a second. She asked if I was an artist and I talked about a beginner sketching book I got, and how it was daunting. I then asked if I could get her number and maybe get some sketch tips from her sometime, and she said yes! I got her number, and then we traded names. I fumbled a bit after that. We still had 5 more minutes in line, and it was hard to keep the conversation going, but I managed to talk about travel a bit. I think I may of messed up by engaging so early with the long line, but it felt natural. One thing I messed up is I had to ask her name again, since I was so focused on the conversation. Now in hindsight, I think she might be a little young for me since she's in college(like 8-10 year gap, not sure what year she is). I have the following questions. Should I ask her out for coffee even though I will probably bomb with my low SMV(no job and living with parents, but I'm still working on both)? Is there an easy way to confirm she's old enough for me(like 21-22?) I don't want to date younger than that. How do you even tell a girls age when approaching, because I've seen 25 year olds that look 20 and 20 year olds that look 30? I ideally want to date 23-30 age range. How long between number and asking out do you wait?
Self-Answer: I should ask her out to coffee and bomb just for the experience. I could straight up ask her if she's graduating soon. Not sure how to tell age, maybe look for signs of age in face(light facial lines and such? I think I should text her tonight and just ask her out to coffee tomorrow while I'm still on her mind, cause she'll probably forget about me in a day or 2.
Final Question: This is the second weekend I approached at the same store, how often do you change places to deliberately day approach? Should I go to a different store?
Self Answer: I should probably try a new place every week so I don't restrict myself to one place, the reason I decided to try this place is because it's a cute bookstore that women love. Thanks.
gamepilled 14h ago
As a warning, I'm new here. Trying to give back, but I can't say I speak from my own experience yet. I can help with a fresh perspective based on common sense, though.
On the first one. Maybe you asked too soon and before she had even shown an intent to actively contribute to the conversation, so it may not have felt natural. It may not have felt like you enjoyed talking to her and then asked her to grab a coffee as a consequence of that, but that you were trying to just pick up anyone, which probably lowers your value. Because if you give the illusion that you ask her for coffee because of the conversation with her, it could be seen as qualification.
However, cold approaching is a strategy that works by virtue of playing the numbers game. Many women don't even like it. So unless this happens often, I wouldn't overthink it. It's an opportunity to build confidence and not be scared of it going wrong, because it can't always go well. But you are trying which is the main thing, you were polite, didn't give her a reason to be uncomfortable (such as being disrespectful), and handled rejection well. Should've tried to stay more confident even after being rejected but you did great in my book.
Second one is great. Imo that went great and it was not a bad idea to talk to her early in the line. The more you can talk to her the better, that literally maximizes the benefit of approaching and having a conversation. Otherwise might as well be on tinder instead.
How often would you say you get a number out of cold approaching? I do know it's a numbers game but idk what actual success rate you guys get.
GetMoreBooks 7h ago
I'm new too so no worries. I think your first point makes sense, she may of sensed I was just asking for girls to go out instead of going with the flow.
Yeah good point, I feel like the longer the conversation flowed the easier it got, so maybe it did help asking early.
This was the first number I ever got, and I've done approximately 12 approaches so far. I read in Daybang that it's like a 7.5-15% success rate overall, so honestly probably between those two. Really just a numbers game like everyone says.
MrSupreme 1d ago
The first approach was alright,she didn't want to hang out right then. "Oh you had coffee,thats too bad.Give me your phone number and we can share a coffee some other time". Rejection is not always so, sometimes it is a bit of a shit test.
With the second girl you took the number, that is all you were going to get at that moment, shoot the shit til you finish the line or whatever you were doing and say bye, lead the interaction always,including finishing the interaction on your terms. "Well nice meeting you, I got to go,have fun finger painting"
You're too unsure about the age thing(as long as she is legal age) don't put it on the table, let them be the ones who bring it up, just like any other insecurity. Disqualification has a strategic place in game but it doesn't seem like the moment for it.
Also,no job,living with your parents..."lol loser" ?
Fuck that, don't mention those things,if she asks you can say you live with your family at the moment.No job? You're working on some projects and enjoying some savings you had. Put some color and beautify those things if it seems unflattering,or just say you want to keep it private at the moment until you get closer, but you're doing fine. No need to lie.
Lastly,remember the hamster.After every interaction you give her time to rationalize and feel everything up. Maybe you're still on her mind,maybe not.But you will seem needy if you write to her right away. wait a day, no longer than that. Women get a lot of looks and flattery throughout the day, aporoaching and asking for her number makes you stand out among the other guys,and they respect that.
GetMoreBooks 1d ago
Didn't realize that could of been. a shit test. You're right about the age thing. Thanks for the feedback on the how I can frame stuff I'm still working on as positive, that's an awesome way to phrase it. I'll hit her up tomorrow to go get some coffee. Is there a certain amount of time between when you ask and when you date? Like if I ask her out tomorrow for next Saturday is that too long between the ask and the date?
MrSupreme 1d ago
Experience is everything and will teach you more than the guidelines. You got her number, just chat her up and make some normal questions,share some info,if you ask her if she likes the color blue,she answers and then tell her you like or dislike it and why.Leading a convo is a skill too,and sometimes you'll feel like a clown with a low interest crowd but ignore that,and know when to walk away.Just practice a bunch, see some stand up comedy,those guys are awesome.
I would wait til later in the week to ask her out,like on thursday i tell her id like to have a coffe or a drink on saturday at 2pm,just chat a bit in the meantime to let her know you're interested. Once you understand leading a convo and switching subjects and keeping it stimulating and interesting it will feel like you're "going with the flow".
GetMoreBooks 7h ago
That's true, I've learned more these past couple approaches then reading about this stuff for months. Stand up comedy is a good idea, I see how some great videos of crowdwork in my feed.Thanks for the feedback on the timing for texting, I'll give it a go.