Context: Have been entertaining 2 different one-sided LTRs for the past 3 years with various FWBs + plates that come and go. Have told both I never plan to legally marry. They accept this on the surface but considering one is 27 and the other is 34(and they’re women), they likely delude themselves
Some poor past choices led me to have to rebuild my life from the ground up. I’d like to think we’ve all been there at one point or another. During this time, 2 plates behaved well enough to earn FWB, and then trial-LTR status. Bitch Management style works wonders if done correctly. While one of these has been smooth sailing, the other I chose to cohabitate with (Big Mistake 1) out of convenience, our places rent being paid by her (Big Mistake #2). Even though the investment I have in the first girl is stronger, and her RMV/genuine desire in me is higher, and the 2nd girl demonstrating she’s not really LTR material several times, it’s the 2nd girl I find myself slipping into oneitis for and resenting for not being like the 1st. I know I’m better than her, I still game/see other girls, and I know my SMV is on the rise while hers plateaued and is on the decline. So why does the latter relationship spark more desire/attraction in me than other girls I am seeing? Why have I begun to let it weaken my frame?
Attempt to answer own question: The 2nd LTR sparks resentment for a few reasons. First is the 2 mistakes mentioned above. We all know why cohabitation is mostly a bad idea, and her paying the rent gives her soft power over me. Even though she’s made no direct/indirect mention of it so far, its presence is felt. Attraction was high during the first couple years of non-exclusive dating but gradually faded, as it does with cohabitation. There were a few examples of her being more attracted to other people/doing things she hasn’t done with me during this stage too, which I accepted and made a mental note of but forgot about as time went on. Last is her crossing several soft boundaries, which she immediately apologized/made amends for but the instances mostly followed the same pattern and left a bitter taste in my mouth. She still adds value to my life, but has proven this girl is nothing to be taken seriously. It’s this part that’s proved challenging and is what I’d like more perspective on. The situation is, at the end of the day, my fault and responsibility. I should probably continue to rebuild my life, and doing my best to detach from her, move out when the lease is up in a few months, and see other women.
RomeoAndJulian 21h ago
Your'e is uncomfy with that, you don't think that you deserve it‽ She pays ffs. Invests. She senses blood, if you tell us it is mistake than she has to feel it too.
Incongruent, she pays, what the end of the lease got to do with you
It usually IS tackled by raising stakes, if this doesn't work then nothing you can do
superhitops 2d ago
Most woman would test breaking what they perceive is a soft boundary to gauge a reaction. They will increase the bet if you do nothing, and they will run if you overreact. However, if you do overreact and they stay, you should be the one running.
Oh, I also see a lot of shit tests. You need to deal with them. Sidebar.
The redpill is here to teach us how things are, awalt, you won't find woman without woman things. 'I want dogs that don't behave like dogs' is unrealistic. Then, knowing the game, you decide what to do. Go mgtow, pickup artist, married red pill...
Ronaldraygun77 1d ago
Don’t think I’ve provided any specifics for you to “see a lot of shit tests” but sure, she’s a woman, there have been plenty.
Have had decent results with “I can’t take a girl that does XYZ seriously, but do what you want LTR2”. She’ll pretty reliably not do it. Still interested in detaching for all the reasons above. I’ve probably been a faggot one too many times around her too.
Very interested in what you meant by the 1st paragraphs last sentence, as I’m sure I’ve overreacted a few times
First-light 2d ago
Its always inevitable to like one more than the other. Also, the less invested, the more reason to pursue. You are still hungry for the less invested one because you don't have as much security with her.
Ronaldraygun77 1d ago
Yes, I’m positive there’s an element of my ego wanting what it can’t have. Know I could get 2nd LTR to do pretty much anything I want sexually, but mostly out of compliance, not genuine desire. Any advice on actionable ways to continue to detach or right the ship’s course?
First-light 1d ago
These things tend to be unstable by their nature. The one that lives with you has the home advantage and usually retains you unless she has had enough. The one that is more a side chick usually falls by the wayside, even though she may occupy more of your energy as you have to arrange to see her and one tends to be keener to keep her as she is less secure. Of course it may not go that way and sometimes it all folds in at once.
Why say that? -Well I wouldn't worry too much is what I mean. So long as you do not invest too much and so long as you do not end up with a messy break up and living with a mega bitch ex before the lease is up, you can't get into much hot water. So don't stress it. Seeing multiple women is stressful and one does need to relax and enjoy it or it is not worth it really.
If you know the one you live with is not really good enough, it makes sense to get out of cohabiting as otherwise it will be very hard to shrug her off and get what you want from life. One also tends to slip a bit into what might be called oneitis when one cohabits. One is to some extent a couple as a couple is naturally supposed to be and one does get a bit of a pair bond.
The intersetsing thing I have found is how easily one is set free from all that when you cease to cohabit. Its just been a proximity thing for me. Get some space and if you were not happy with her, its bliss that she is gone.