This was the first time I tried to promote a bitch, fucked it up with plate of 8 months that was becoming gf.
I have tons of trust issues due to AWALT and was trying to prove this bitch was not fucking other dudes before taking this step (yeah maybe caught oneitis too) so hired a couple PI to watch her / infiltrate her life (social circles) to get more information, etc and she caught me one day she created drama and asked to review my phone (I put resistance but she threatened with ending things immediately if I didn’t comply), she saw everything (that I’ve been following her, that some girls she became friends with was just an agent that I infiltrated in her friends group, etc etc etc). Before this she was also not trusting me (the phone thing was due to her suspecting I was unfaithful..) because I tried to be Chad all the time and flirted with tons of women, had a couple friends that were pretty and I tried to make my plate jealous. I didn't have other plates, it was all staged to make her believe I have options and I'm a high value dude
Now she believes I am a psychopath that will kill her, she compared me to Joe from 'You' tv series, her mom also knows and the dynamics are completely fucked up, she is becoming paranoid, she thinks I have mics, I record her when we fuck, that I have a virus in her phone (I'm a CS major) etc etc etc
She also brought up that she almost became other person to please me so I could trust her (stopped going out with friends, spends almost all the days with me, has sex with me whenever I want, cooked/cleaned for me, blah blah) -- this was a result of dread and psychological games that I learned here to have her behave in a good way, and she was becoming a house wife
Thing is, now it seems I need to blindly trust her from here as she made me promise her this would never repeat and the ball is on her court for ending things if she can’t stop thinking about me hurting her badly or if she finds another dude. I can't stop thinking this bitch just wants my commitment, resources and time, while she continues fucking other dudes, like all fucking women, they are all full of shit. For her, it's going to be even easier now as she controls the whole thing and the promise is that she will communicate if something happens some day with any dude, hence I can't even question any behavior anymore.
How can I come back from this? How can you trust a woman despite AWALT?
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 5d ago Stickied
Reading through some of your other replies to other people, I strongly suspect this is a troll post.
It's obvious that you haven't read the sidebar.
In the off chance that you're for real, here are 3 reading assignments, all from year one of The Rational Male, which is part of the sidebar:
Children With Dynamite - this is you. You're a fucking idiot who isn't remotely ready for any of this.
There Is No "One" - quit with the one-itis bullshit. There are other women. Even the best women are replaceable.
Rooting Through Garbage - when a relationship is over, it's fucking over. Forget her, but learn from your mistakes and move on.
An additional assignment that isn't from Rollo but is also on the sidebar: HumanSockPuppet's Guide To Managing Your Bitches. The most applicable excerpt:
A decade plus of MRP has borne this out; even in a marriage, the man's job is to get sex and the woman's job is to keep the man.
You not only have one-itis, but you're making a relationship your goal.
You're doing just about everything wrong.
fumandobebiendo 4d ago
Thanks for sharing, going through these made me feel like there's a chance of finding better (which was the fear I felt when trying to keep her / my goal when opening this post to find some approaches to have her stay).
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 4d ago
There are men whose wives of several years just up and divorce them, seemingly out of nowhere. As far as they can tell (at least prior to unplugging), they did nothing wrong.
If we tell those men that she's gone and not coming back, and that they need to move on to new prospects, what on earth makes you think we'll tell you anything different, especially when you royally fucked up with all the paranoia-driven machinations?
Read the "Rooting Through Garbage" post every day until you get it through your head: when it's over, it's over.
[deleted]
Ronaldraygun77 2d ago
How do I make posts on forums.red? No offense to redpillschool but the site layoutlayout needs a bit more work
throwaway415 3d ago
the fact that you invested this much energy into a single female is a definite symptom of oneitis. you should not care so much about one female that you are hiring a PI and doing a full CSI investigation into her sex life
you shouldn't do this with any number of women
name of the game is abundance and not caring
if she's living in your head like that, you need to start charging her rent
Bozza 5d ago
Bro wtf. This is paranoid schizophrenic shit. And the rest of the post reads like a try hard autist.
First of all. Get rid of this chick immediately. You have extreme oneitis, and you've already made yourself look like a complete idiot. Take this as a learning opportunity and move onto the next one.
This is how human interaction works. Shockingly, you have to trust people. Can they stab you in the back? Yes.
This is why you vet people first. They earn your trust, and over time they gain more of your trust. If they ever do anything that undermines or puts that trust into doubt, you rescind that trust and never give it back.
This is why you vet your plates. They must earn your trust and respect to rise up the ranks. You should NEVER be promoting a girl to LTR who you don't believe you can trust. Read through HumanSockPuppet’s Guide to Managing Your Bitches
Also, it's not that big of a deal. So what if a girl does fuck someone behind your back? You get rid of her, learn a valuable lesson and find another one. It's not the end of the world.
fumandobebiendo 5d ago
What would Chad do? TRP is not about giving up, I just would like to know how to clear my frame like this never happened, so far it seems she forgave me as long as I adjust to the condition I stated
Thanks for sharing. Will make sure this never repeats and use this instead
Yeah but how the fuck you find that out if you don't spy on her?
Bozza 5d ago
It's not about "giving up". You've already completely burned your frame with this girl.
You were so invested (oneitis) and paranoid that you hired a PI to spy on her. Is that the sort of thing a guy with a lot of options and a healthy rotation of bitches would do? No because he simply wouldn't care if she was fucking other guys or not. So you've already broken frame and shown you are low SMV.
In addition, you've then further broken your frame by submitting to her demands to look through your phone, and whatever other conditions you agreed to. Again, a guy with options is not agreeing to "conditions" with his girls, he finds another one who will fuck him without conditions.
Once you lose frame, it is so difficult to get it back that it isn't worth trying. You will get better results writing this one off and starting afresh with a new girl. This is basic stuff - make sure you have read through the sidebar, if you have then re-read it.
This is the thing. There is always going to be some element of having to trust them by their word. This is why it is so important to vet your plates. You don't give make a girl your LTR unless you can trust her fully.
In regards to how you actually know? Once you can run a solid rotation of plates for a long time, and you have internalized TRP, you will instinctively know how women act and the games they play. Similarly, if you have made a plate an LTR, then you will have known her for quite a long time. You know how she acts, her mannerisms, her routine etc.
So when something out of the ordinary happens - her behavior changes, her routine changes etc. It will set off alarm bells. You will know what subtle signs to look for that indicate something is off - and you will know how to trip her up.
But the point is, if you are doing your vetting properly (and your SMV is high) you won't have this problem in the first place. Because you wouldn't have promoted her to LTR if you thought there was any risk of her cheating on you.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 5d ago
There's always a risk. It's just a matter of how much of one.
fumandobebiendo 5d ago
How do you recognize it? Also, how do you spot what risk can one tolerate?
fumandobebiendo 5d ago
Is there a guide for regaining it? I would seriously like to give a last shot to this, she is the only woman I've met that seems to be worth it and I fucked it up
I have abundance issues.. finding a new girl like her could be even harder than giving a try to repair this
Any ideas on how to trip her out? like examples, etc? I have never done this or read about it. I want to learn more so I go this route next time this happens and never hire a PI again
Bozza 5d ago
This is your oneitis talking - I really, really like this girl she's so special and so unique I'll never be able to replace her because she's so amazing please tell me how to win back her heart I'll do anything.
Stop it. She's not special. You are looking for excuses so you don't have to cut her off, get a little bit of heartache, and actually have to do the hard work of going out and finding new girls.
As I said, get rid of her and find another. You won't build abundance if you always take the easy path.
Keep reading TRP and practice spinning plates until you can easily identify common bullshit that women pull, and you can read between the lines and infer what their motivations are behind their actions.
As you get more experience, come to the forum and post your field reports or your questions for feedback. The more experienced users on the forum will usually be able to point out things that slipped under your radar.
This is when you'll easily be able to spot the tell tale signs of when a plate/LTR starts wobbling and is about to break - it's this period when shit like cheating or whatever is most likely to happen.
Also search up "trickle truth" on the forum and read through a bunch of those posts. They'll give you some ideas of how you trip girls up and get the truth out of them.
fumandobebiendo 5d ago
I can do this while still keeping her, this is my only plate man, it was a shit ton of work to get here, I come from being a fucking incel who had 0 possibilities in life. Why can't you give me an actual advice on how to 'gain' her back? Like if this never happened? I just want to restore my frame and SMV in her eyes
good point about this, didn't know there were periods of increased likelihood, I just thought they did it for fun or so, due to AWALT
Thanks, will do
Musicgoon78 2 5d ago
It never fails. I can come on here and see the most autistic shit on the planet.
I would suggest that you go to therapy bro. This is beyond the scope of regular help. Your frame is super paranoid and toxic. These deep rooted trust issues aren't going to go away. You're just going to continue to fuck things up.
You completely fucked up this relationship. The trust is gone and she thinks you're a fucking creep. You can come back from being an asshole. In fact I can get laid being an asshole. But being a creep is not something you recover from.
The last few posts have been increasingly angry and negative from you. You need to fix yourself before you pursue any other women. Do you want to have a bunch of restraining orders and a bad reputation fucking up your life?
fumandobebiendo 5d ago
How can I adjust my frame to be Chad again? What would Chad do to get back from this?
Come on, if Chad were in this situation, he would find a way to make it work and continue banging her. How can I do that? Please enlighten me
No, I'm on the process of fixing myself, I will go to therapy, etc, but please help me
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 5d ago
First and foremost, stop obsessing over Chad and what he would do.
Chad is a memetic construct, used to illustrate certain principles.
You're sperging over a man who doesn't actually exist.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 5d ago
No, some of you guys are so damn autistic
Musicgoon78 2 5d ago
You have reached the ultimate chump status with her. There's no "Chad" that would do this.
It's extremely weak and mentally ill. If she takes you back, it's only to fuck you over. Any self respecting person wouldn't tolerate this shit. It's a major red flag.
Move on and get help..
Vermillion-Rx Admin 5d ago
How to cope with mistakes as a sperg:
fumandobebiendo 5d ago
Ok but if Chad was thrown into a situation like this (that he wouldn't generate himself), how would he get out of it? how would he solve this challenge?
She didn't end things due to my promise of never ever doing it again and trusting her, so in theory we're still fwb, but I'm not sure if she is just pretending to comply due to fear of me being a psycopath/killer. I didn't want to show her a major red flag, I just want to 'erase' this somehow
Moving on / finding new girls is going to be even harder for me. Any advice on restoring my frame again with her? Like some kind of 'starting over'
Vermillion-Rx Admin 4d ago
Holy shit man do you not see how insane your logic is
Musicgoon78 2 5d ago
I don't care to role play and write a fictional story. I'll humor you. A guy with options would know that this is torched and go fuck one of his other chicks in his harem.
No matter who this guy is, at this point he's completely fucked up this connection. The more he tries to save it, the more desperate and unstable he looks. The manly and right thing to do in this case is move on. Trying just makes him more pathetic and gross. Your options are getting slapped with a restraining order, or letting her go. Your fuck up was extremely bad. There's nothing you can do to fix this.
It's time to sack up and understand that this is reality. Your connection is completely ruined and you did some emotional damage to this woman because of your insecurities.
There's no pussy password and no magical fix for this. You fucked it up. You're not ready to have a relationship. You're looking at this like a child that wants Daddy to fix his broken toy.
You want something nice, don't destroy what you have.
fumandobebiendo 5d ago
Are you completely sure about this? Like even if it's difficult, even if it takes time, even if I need to be his beta idiot for some time, I don't care, I really want this girl. I investigated for more than 2 months before this happened without finding anything negative, always told the truth, never went out, etc, I think she is truly worth marrying and I fucked it up all
I don't want anything magical, I'm willing to put in the work for whatever it takes to fix this, but please enlighten me with a solution instead of saying no no no, I beg you man, please give me a path for this that can help me recover in her eyes
Musicgoon78 2 5d ago
You made this insecure decision. Now you have to live with it. Begging isn't going to help. You broke it beyond repair and you're past the point of help.
This can't be fixed you're going to need to learn from your mistakes. You're need to fake being being a "Chad" has cost you.
You could move on and fuck lots of other women, she could miss you and see you successful and want you back. Your only recourse is to move on or stay and be a phaggot.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 5d ago
I don't have time to break this down properly at the moment, but this was completely your fault and the result of some very stupid decisions you made.
a few quick thoughts:
1) you can't demonstrate higher value by flirting with other women in front of your main one. Other women flirting with you demonstrates it, and flirting back shows you're hip to it, but your instigation is a bad move.
2) you vet women by watching how they act, not by hiring a PI to tail her. Holy fuck.
3) you aren't ready for any of this shit. Rollo wrote years ago about how giving this information out is like giving children dynamite, and you are a prime example of that.
I really hope this post is fake.
fumandobebiendo 5d ago
I really wish this didn't happen. Please help me get back from this, like how to re-gain frame or SMV in her eyes? How can I 'reset' things?
I know, I own it. That's why I'm here asking for help, I don't have a victim mindset, I just want to find out how to maneuver this like a Chad, she was the closer I could ever find to a unicorn / potential wife
I had tons of doubts but everything was uncertain, I felt the need to hire it to get to the bottom of it instead of continuing to pursue smoke
Her knowing this was unexpected, I was not going to ever tell her I did that, it was because she suspected infidelity on my part and was ready to break it out immediately if I didn't show my phone, and by looking through my phone she found out those conversations (I was very stupid on not deleting them but she never ever asked for my phone before so I had no idea she was going to do that)
Vermillion-Rx Admin 5d ago
Chad is a goddamn meme
Move on. you ruined this pair bond forever
You would have been better off with having her think you were cheating than ever revealing this reputation-damaging secret
She is going to have trust issues for the rest of her life. End it out of respect
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 5d ago
As if there even was a pair bond.
As if "pair bonding" is even real.
fumandobebiendo 5d ago
I didn't want to, I'm sure there must be a way to work around this. Also probably It's fine if she doesn't pair bond, some girls have issues anyways that don't allow them to pair bond, like high body count etc
She threatened with ending things immediately. Maybe I wouldn't even be writing this post as she would be gone already. With this, at least, I gained that we're still some kind of FWB and the potential for having sex again, however this might never get into a real exclusive LTR as we can't trust each other anymore
Why? Do you think she won't trust me ever? She didn't say so, as I made a promise (so maybe she still trusts me a bit), and we continued seeing each other. Or maybe she is pretending to be ok with it while she does something that will harm me? Idk anymore, as she thinks I'm a sick psychopath who lost his mind.
I could probably play being a psychopath to my advantage, I've heard these kind of guys attract pussy like crazy
Vermillion-Rx Admin 5d ago
This is insane. You should never get into another relationship in your life
And you folded like a lawn chair. I repeat, never get into another relationship
fumandobebiendo 5d ago
I mean I don't know how bad it is, to my understanding as long as there's sex and she behaves like a house wife things are ok, maybe she never will truly love me and that's fine I guess, I have zero experience with LTRs or this kind of things, that's why I'm here begging for help
I did shit on my pants with that as she's probably the best I could do
Please help me to get back from this
Vermillion-Rx Admin 5d ago
You don't understand any of TRP.
You need to either start over go be blue pill.
I'm not spending time re-teaching you all of the material correctly from scratch
What a fag beta thing to say. Have you no self respect? As indicated by the post, no.
Fuck no. You can't. I'm not wasting my time on your delusions and complete misunderstanding of TRP
Vermillion-Rx Admin 5d ago
You are a perfect example of the men who should have never found TheRedPill because you:
You're too far gone to help dude I wish you peace
fumandobebiendo 5d ago
I try to follow it to the point, not just the sidebar but other materials (rollo, illimitable men, robert greene ,etc)
Yes I acknowledge that probably I saw this as a cult/religion and acted in a stupid way but I really need help, please don't abandon me, this community is the only support I have, please don't treat me like trash
Vermillion-Rx Admin 5d ago
You don't understand any of it, regardless of where you read it
It's over dude.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 5d ago
There is no coming back from this.
You should end it out of respect for both of you.
If this relationship continues it will forever be tainted and toxic.
fumandobebiendo 5d ago
I'm sure there's always a way, Chad can make anything he wants happen
Why? And how could I handle things so both of us pretend this never happened? I'm truly sorry for all of this, I didn't want to cause this level of shit, just wanted to find out if she was worth trusting or not
Vermillion-Rx Admin 5d ago
You've had numerous users, endorsed and admin, tell you that your understanding of Chad is a meme, that you don't understand the Chad concept, and that you aren't a Chad
Build a time machine
Then don't stoop to this level of shit.
By acting extremely untrustworthy yourself. Great, now she not only will never trust you again, but she will have trust issues in general for the rest of her life. Nice move
You are beyond help.
fumandobebiendo 5d ago
ok I won't make more Chad comments but please help me
This is obviously not possible, I'm talking about how to build trust again with her from zero, how to 'come back', how to fix things, how to increase my smv again, etc etc etc
I won't ever do it again in my fucking life
I didn't know the consequences of doing this, wtf, I just wanted to find out evidences if she was worth trusting, I followed for almost 2 months without being caught and never found anything, that's what hurts me more, she seems like she was truthful and was a good girl worth LTRing, I fucked this up so much
Vermillion-Rx Admin 5d ago
I cannot.
This relationship is ruined beyond repair. You are delaying the inevitable, whether that's her now going to branch swing or eventually ending things
I couldn't help you if i tried, it will be over
fumandobebiendo 5d ago
just give it a try man, please, just give me what would you do if you MUST get back from this?
that can happen even without all of this anyways, so it's always a risk I guess
Vermillion-Rx Admin 5d ago
No.
You're completely in denial
Kloi 5d ago
Pretty shitty PI not recommending a burner phone. I'd ask for my money back if I were you.
fumandobebiendo 5d ago
Any thoughts related to my question? Please give me insights, the PI is gone already
Kloi 5d ago
You got obsessive. You'll never win this relationship.
Apologize, block them and move the fuck on.
fumandobebiendo 5d ago
Yeah I fucked it up, but I'm sure there's a way even if it's hard. How can I make her forget all of this? Like make my SMV so high to her eyes or have an insanely good frame that will make her think I'm so good nothing else matters
I seriously don't want to enter a dry spell, I would shoot myself in the foot by doing this. I would like to get this to the latest point till there's still hope
MrSupreme 5d ago
I have to admit that you're high on the Machiavellan part of the Dark Triad.This is some MrsDoubtfire,Dr.Dolittle shit,where are the costumes though?
Seriously, you have to take a step back and chill the fuck out with this girl This is a major fuck up and you have to be aware that she's ruined for you,and only for you. I know this has been said to you before, once you're not with the girl and the date ends you gotta switch on your "solo mode" and mind your own life.
You know she MAYBE chats,fucks and date sother guys but you should only care about what goes on between you and her WHEN you're together. Further speculation will lead to obsession and cuck fantasies. If things are getting serious and you both are on the same page then vet her,have a chat about boundaries and repercussions, they're usually the ones to bring up the "what are we" talk.
You need some inner game, this whole thing you're doing is a cuck fantasy, and it is kind of like being the side character in your own movie. Work on that shit. And no you probably will never trust a woman until you vet her hard and she proves she takes your relationship serious
Worry about your own life.Spin plates.It should be easy mode in this country,at your age and your financial status.You can do it man.
superhitops 5d ago
Now we have fiction writers here. I don't know, this is movie-level obsession. "I infiltrated agents". Man, that would cost. A LOT. A guy with that money would only behave like that in a story written by woman. In reality, man with money would just call the next lady in line.
fumandobebiendo 4d ago
It didn't cost "A LOT", I'm from latam and it was just a matter of paying some girl to pretend to befriend the plate in the gym, later joining the same english course and doing shit together.
I don't have a next lady in line that's why I want to save this, I'm not sure I will ever find a woman like this again