I once shared a community service experience where there was a girl who acted however she liked (https://www.forums.red/p/asktrp/323353/did_i_do_wrong_while_being_shit_tested_or_did_i_was_being_ha). Is it true that when a girl makes a big deal out of small things, almost as if big things are a problem, it's a form of a shit test? Sometimes, in certain moments, like when I was asked by another friend if I could play guitar, and I said no, the girl who acted however she liked said, 'Then learn it.' in a demeaning way. I mean, not everything can be done by us, but during the activities, she would often tease me with trivial issues that she made a problem, and I would just ignore it and act indifferent. Then, after some time, she would talk to me again as if nothing had happened.
For instance, I asked if she had prepared the attendance list for a presentation during the community service event, and she responded, 'You were called by the man (from the village in the event), but you didn’t listen?' (Even though the man was just asking casually, and my friend answered him—no big deal). She said it in an angry tone, and I was a bit confused. I replied, 'Why are you always angry?' She responded in a feminine tone, saying, 'I’m not angry.'
Besides that, she often tried to provoke my emotions with passive-aggressive behavior, but I would usually ignore her because I knew that if I reacted, she would turn the tables and act like the victim, even though she was the one who provoked me first with passive-aggressive behavior. I often ignored her, even though at first, I thought she was bringing up urgent issues. But when I didn’t pay attention to her, after throwing a tantrum, she would talk to me again in a normal tone as if nothing happened.
Is everything I’ve described a form of a shit test? Because the context is semi-formal (community service), where the team needs to succeed in the program, and as the leader, I sometimes find it difficult to separate whether her complaints are truly urgent or not. But over time, I’ve come to assume that she is more playing games with me. Compared to the other members of my team, they are more formal and present complaints in a more formal manner, unlike this girl. In fact, another female member of the team thought I was somewhat close to her and that something romantic might happen, even though I never thought about it in that way, as I was focused on the bigger objectives of the group.
Then, at the end of the event, she told me that I was too stubborn and unwilling to compromise. But if I reflect on all the tantrums and complaints she gave, they were generally informal and confusing, and again, I ignored her. But afterward, when the event was over and we had a team dinner, she said that our team was better than the others because the other team had more shortcomings. (This was somewhat contradictory to what she had said to me earlier.)
I have been applying the red pill principle for a long time, but before this community service event, I always separated my professional environment from the environment where I could act freely with women outside of the professional setting. What I found a bit challenging in this experience was context switching between being professional or playful. I don’t want to take risks if something goes wrong because I am the leader of this team.
Edit: My current answer is by maintaining frame, I always shut down her complaints by ignoring her, staying friendly and formal as formal as I can be. Don't want to risk any bigger potential problem thrown at me.
pofkaf 1 2d ago
First of all, read the sidebar. It's clear that you haven't yet.
Secondly, you should always display "amused mastery." It doesn't matter if she's testing you or not. Be amused and act like you know what you're doing.
The tone of your amisedness can vary depending on the situation. Take the "Learn to play guitar" example. If you want to amp up the sexual tone, say something like, "Why, my fingers are already quite dexterous" and make a gesture. If you don't want to be sexual, respond with something like, "Guitar is lame, I'm a drummer." Yoir responses should come naturally, and it'll become second nature through experience.
So get back to this group, find this woman, and practice amused mastery with her. Who cares what she's thinks.
Jackmoter 2d ago
So a woman with coquettish tendencies is shit testing you. You're being seduced and clearly have no idea what is going on. If only there was a magic reading list to the right of this post which could give you some insight as to what is going on.
What has any of this got to do with genuine compliments?
Intelligent-Sir-6319 2d ago
you clearly misread the title, not genuine compliments but genuine complaints. That girl complained so often during the event, that I chose to ignore it.
MrSupreme 2d ago
It can be a shit test, she's trying to smash. Or she could be a trash person trying to mess with your livelyhood and work. Whichever case it may be, you're better off defusing the girl by being friendly, understanding amused mastery and be ready at all times for more of her. She could have reacted well to the subtle neg of being angry, but still seems like needy girl.
Intelligent-Sir-6319 2d ago
yeah that was exactly what I did, I wasn't trying hard like I knew it all, but more like just ignored it like her tantrum didn't happen at all. I was trying to be as formal as I can be, it was a semi formal environment. I always seperate professional context and playful context social circles. When I get into playful social circles, I tend to tease woman as I like without thinking twice, but this time seems confusing, I dont want to risk bigger problems, because I could be scapegoat if a problem risen.
No-Stress-Cat 2d ago
"Look, bitch. Take off your fricken panties already. Let's get this over with."
ObliviousDuck 2d ago
While ignoring is a way to pass a shit test, it is also the worst way. Every shit test is an opportunity; an opportunity you miss when you just ignore her. If you do it too often or in too stiff a manner, it will come off as being butt hurt.
The simplest good way to pass shit tests is amused mastery. You don't need clever come backs for every sitiation, just a subtle confident smile, a disappointed look, or a slightly infantilising tone can do it. You can even openly and directly scold her action in a playful manner.
As long as you show you are the adult in the room and she's a bratty little girl without being overly serious, you can pass any bullshit coming your way, shit test, or not.
And here it is, she flung shit your way to see your reaction and you just silently and efficiently dodged it. Boring. Stiff.
To answer your question: it doesn't matter, because they are the same. The only difference between a shit test and truly negative behaviour is intention and your reaction should be the same in both case.
Intelligent-Sir-6319 1d ago
Thanks, I'll keep that in mind. I rarely make some playful response due to the situation. Just want to keep it formal as formal as I could be. Because the situation is more suited to semi formal (the team members that I led was cohabitating in a village to do the community service. So socializing and act politely with the villagers is expected. Don't want to risk any potential problem with my members, because I knew indirectly, I was trapped as a leader to pamper my members.
Thanks again, I'll keep this one too.
mattyanon Admin 2d ago
Yes and no.
It's a shit test in that she displays immature behaviour when she respects you less.
That's a put down, caused by seeing you as low social status.
This is best handled with sarcasm: "sure, I'll get right on that".
This is her trying to deflect from her responsibility. Best handled by sticking on topic. "That's not what we're talking about, have you prepared the attendance list like you said you would?"
Who the fuck is this girl and why do you talk to her?
Not really.
This is a basic bitch who is trying to push responsibility onto you, she doesn't respect you, etc.
A true shit test is "I will give you shit and if you deflect it I will be more attracted and if you accept it or react badly I will be less attracted".
She probably pulls that shit with everyone. As the leader you'll get tested.
That's manipulation.
right
This isn't shit testing, this is a girl pushing limits. Slightly different things.
Intelligent-Sir-6319 1d ago
That's what I was thinking, I feel like from the start this wasn't a shit test, but more like she wasn't respecting me, more like she's trying to control me wrapped in vague complaints towards me. The circumstances pretty much trapped me as a leader to pamper the members and in my opinion, she tried to take an advantage of that situation by blaming me as a leader to avoid some of her responsibilities during that event. I always ignored her complaints and rarely give her attention during that community service event.
Yeah it's one of my team members that I led during that event.
Yea my gut feelings told me the situation was headed toward this scenario. She even act bitchy during that event to my other team members. I tried to warn her, but even the other team members that was insulted by her still stand by her. I don't even have an idea what was on her head by still standing by her (the other woman in my team member that was insulted by this bitch).
For additional context, this event is a mandatory event in my college that has to be completed before graduation. I can't choose the team members because from my college regulations, the team members is mixed with students from same or another faculty. My team members consists of 7 women and 2 men (including me)
Besides of my experience, could you give any more insights how to face this scenario if I happen to face it again in the future? For example, this could happen in office politics. All I did was ignoring her complaints, started to significantly reducing my attention to her during that event even when she was talking to me, I quickly talked to my other team members (act indifferent).
mattyanon Admin 15h ago
Good plan. The biggest factor is that you remain indifferent and don't react badly to this shit, ever.