I'll try to keep things short. I apologize for the schoollike drama but keep in mind everyone in this story is 18.
There's this girl I met 2 months ago. We were friends and at the beginning I didn't like her at all, I actually was more interested in her friend. But of course as time went on and I spent more time with her, I ended up little by little liking her. Now, while I know many of you are probably going to directly diagnose me with 'full blown oneitis', it's not like that. I'm in a LTR and I have another fwb, so it's not I'm out here desperate for a crumb of pussy.
Anyway, not to get off topic. A bit of background about this girl: She's the same age as I (18) and she's been seeing her boyfriend for the past 3 years. He was her first everything, and while at the beginning everything was good, in the past year he started treating her like shit. She was of course unhappy, but tolerated it due to some 'external factor', according to her friend.
Now at first things were completly platonic, especially after I learned about her boyfriend. However as things went on, it started changing. She would get touchy (tickling, biting) and eventually I just said fuck it and kissed her (on the cheek and then right on the lips as of recently).
A week ago she began kissing me back. She was hesitant the whole time, didn't want to cheat on her boyfriend and even asked me if kissing me back counted as 'cheating' (lol). But after a while she gave in, although she stops after a while and resists again (the hamster on overdrive probably).
She knows about my girlfriend and in the past few weeks has been telling me to break up (my relationship with my gf is good but there are shaky moments). I told her I broke up (I didn't) and that now it's her turn. At first she said 'she didnt have a reason to' and didn't want to be alone. I told her she wouldn't be and said we should start dating (I am considering her for an LTR as she's not a bad girl).
She seems indecisive however, and says she feels bad after all the time she's wasted on this relationship (sunk cost fallacy, he was her first everything after all). And still hasn't after I asked her to. I think she might be alpha widowed and last night I saw something that probably confirmed it. Her saved messages has all of his messages where he complimented and said he loved her.
This got me thinking and while it's hard to try and be unbiased I came to the conclusion that she's just using me. She doesn't get enough attention from her boyfriend so she get's it from me instead. She's using me to get her boyfriend jealous in the hopes that he will change and I'm just her 'backup option'.
I don't have anyone irl i can discuss this with which is why I came here to ask what you guys think. I'd appreciate any help or insights on this.
financehardo420 Should i (x1) 1mo ago
First of all if she’ll cheat on her mans for you do you really think she won’t cheat on you?
Secondly you’re 18 prob ab to graduate hs. I’m assuming you’re both going to college; long story short she’s gonna get ran thru either way.
Smash if the opportunity presents itself but at 18yo you’re much better off staying single and becoming more experienced with women.
mattyanon Admin 1mo ago
right
maybe
probably.
Be a bit careful of the definition of "using you". Everybody uses each other, everything is transactional. That's fine. The problem is that she's getting exactly what she wants and you are getting nothing.
Hate to say this, but cut it off. She has a bf, you have a gf, give it up my man.
First-light 1mo ago
You both like each other. You and she are both paying different variants of the same game. Neither of you is in a hurry to give up your main squeeze but you like each other. You are both trying to use each other. If its fun using each other then why not?
Girls do get attached to their first guy. Some girls are more unfaithful than others.
I would make it all low pressure, just fun that happens sometimes when you get together. It will either happen less or the makeouts will get out of control and you will start being lovers.
But I would be wary of considering her LTR material. She will be a girl who has proven she is unfaithful with very little provocation.
youngandlost 1mo ago
Honestly, I'm not sure though if she's even a bad girl. Her boyfriend has really treated her like shit over the last year and keep in mind, this is after a good month of me teasing and flirting with her that shes finally now kissing me back (50% of the time)
First-light 1mo ago
Non of them are perfect, just like none of us are. Everyone has to draw his own line when it comes to what he will accept but its good to keep one's eyes open. Remember if she complains about the existing guy, what are the odds you won't be next? Maybe he really has been bad but one never knows a lot of women just complain about their man and exaggerate to get attention.
Definitely enjoy the attraction with her. There is very little to lose.
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Lone_Ranger 2 1mo ago
sounds like your life is a bit of a mess. you are 18 and you already have a gf, a fwb, and you are grooming this new girl as a potential ltr???
does your gf know about your fwb? are you able to live your life honestly and with openess?
it sounds like you are a slave to pussy already at age 18.
have some fucking backbone and just live your life honestly. I know you want to fuck this chick, but show some self restraint, and learn about self respect and respect for others.
honestly - i feel a bit sorry for the younger generation. you all going to be running around at age 30, destroyed by promiscuity, wondering where all the good guys and girls are?
Musicgoon78 2 1mo ago
She she she she she.....
Pursue if you want to, or don't. Who gives a fuck about her. Go after what you want. If it doesn't work, move on.