I've been in an exclusive relationship with a woman for two months, known her for seven. The sex is great, and she's nurturing, caring, and consistent in her behavior. Communication is open, and she’s forthcoming about her plans. We're currently in a long distance dynamic but she's moving here next month.
The issue: She’s been vague and inconsistent about a male co-worker. Months ago (when we weren’t exclusive), she mentioned going out with colleagues and described this guy as a family man in his 40s. Recently, she said she was going out with "girls and one guy" when I asked if it was the same guy, she said yes but corrected herself from "40s" to "30." Later on the phone I found out he's not married like she claimed, and she said we were probably talking about another coworker. (I am sure this detail was a lie, but why she lied is up for questioning).
I also found out she hasn’t told her colleagues that she’s in a relationship. She downplays her relationship with colleagues a lot. But I saw she talks with this guy outside of work (exchanging Instagram videos). Contradicting her claim of not talking to them outside work, she’s even left her cat at his place when visiting me 2 months ago.
Given how open she is otherwise, I am contemplating whether this is a serious concern or just plain overthinking? Especially since I don't understand why she's doing this as her behavior hasn't changed in the slightest.
financehardo420 Should i (x1) 1mo ago
7 months isn’t enough time before going exclusive - you goofed. Long distance = you goofed even harder.
Lying about both the age and marital status… gee I wonder what else is she lying about?
Whenever I travel without my dog I leave him with plates. Plates send me ig videos. Some random chick from one of my business classes with whom I have zero relations with isn’t dming me insta videos… only close friends and plates. Hint: guy/girl friendships aren’t really a thing.
My advice: demote to plate (internally; you don’t need to clarify this to her verbally just with your actions. Date more women, sleep with more women and stop investing emotionally.
Be aware of the facts and what she does not what she says. she has: lied about the age/marital status of another guy (to make you think there is nothing to worry about), doesn’t talk about you/your relationship to her other girlfriends (to avoid being slut shamed… hooking up with another guy isn’t cheating if they don’t know she’s in an exclusive relationship).
MrSupreme 1mo ago
Sounds shady, and that is something you probably can't change. So why go further with a girl like that? Don't be exclusive, date other women, enjoy your time with her, hold your frame.
whynot10 1mo ago
It's because there's a chance I could be wrong about this. Most importantly our communication has remained the same
fumandobebiendo 1mo ago
AWALT. Demote that bitch to plate
coolsocks00 1 1mo ago
You’re the only one who’s in a relationship bud.
You’re failing all three.
whynot10 1mo ago
I did set boundaries, they only hangout in groups no one on ones
coolsocks00 1 1mo ago
Huge red flags
financehardo420 Should i (x1) 1mo ago
Listen to coolsocks he knows what he’s saying.
Musicgoon78 2 1mo ago
Look bro,
This might be a small or a substantial problem. The thing I tell the guys the guys is if you go looking for problems you are guaranteed to find them. Life is filled with them.
I suggest you don't spin yourself out about this. Enjoy your time with her. Gather info, but focus on your enjoyment, then you can make a decision from there. She's used to a LDR which isn't really a legit relationship. All you can do is see where this goes for now.
That's my advice.
First-light 1mo ago
It sounds a bit suss. Usually women can't wait to tell the world about a new guy if they are in to him. If they are not doing this there is always a strong reason.
But she has been far away. She might not be so much wanting her bread buttered on both sides as wanting to enjoy buttered bread in two different places. Women can be ruthless.
There might be a reason we don't know for why she is keeping her relationship a secret. You can't be sure but I would be wary. I wouldn't let it spoil your fun, just make you very cautious about commitment without a reason why.