I messed up a great relationship with a girl I managed to date, who’s honestly way out of my league.
She looks just like Brooke Shields when she was young (I've lost track of how many times strangers have commented on it in malls and restaurants), from an old money family—think golf courses, country clubs, horseback riding, and sailing. She’s living off a six-figure annuity thanks to her family, working just for fun, mainly teaching lessons to kids in various things that she spent her childhood taking lessons in.
I have no game but I am 6'4 and have good financial success. I never think much about what to say to women or how to act. I just do what I feel like. Before dating her, I’d say I was just average with women—not terrible, but not great either. Most of my interactions happened through social circles or women approaching me. I’ve had my share of attractive dates, but usually they were attractive in a vulgar way. Nothing like my LTR. She is so beautiful everybody stares at her everywhere we go. She is so beautiful I could barely think a coherent thought or string together a sentence without stuttering for first few times we meet. I did not game her I only asked her for a date and after few dates asked her to be my girlfriend and for some lucky reason she agreed. I honestly didn’t think I had a shot.
She's so nice, so light-hearted, happy, soft spoken also, not crazy, not causing problems like other women I dealt with in the past. Her family treats me well, and her friends are classy.
For work, I sometimes have to head out to sea for long stretches, which complicates relationships since I can’t always stay in touch. I ended up at sea for eight months. When we stopped in a foreign port, I got drunk with my crew, and a cheap girl made a move on me. The first time, I turned her down, telling her I was in a relationship. But after so long without female company, I gave in and slept with her. I convinced myself it didn’t matter because my girlfriend was out of my league and probably moving on without me. I had been away for work for more months than we had spent together. Looking back, that was a stupid excuse.
When I got back, I found out my girlfriend hadn’t given up on us; she was still holding out for my return. A few months later, we faced an accidental pregnancy, but she was happy about it and looking forward to having the baby and yes it was a real pregnancy and mine. I have had crazy women before lie and pretend to be pregnant, but I went to her dating sonograph and saw the sonograph of the baby and the dates lined up to when we were having sex.
She ended up miscarrying, which devastated her. To make things worse, the girl I hooked up with while away tracked me down through social media and claimed she was pregnant. There was no way it could be mine—the timing didn’t match up, and I knew she had been with other guys from my crew. It wasn’t the first time a woman had tried to pin something like that on me; it’s happened to friends too. What is wrong with these women?
The timing couldn’t have been worse. My girlfriend had her miscarriage on a Wednesday, and this other girl showed up in person to confront me the following Saturday. I can't believe the girl came in person. My girlfriend physically assaulted the girl - rather severely - got taken to the police and was going to be charged with assault. This is a girl who is calm, reserved, from a good family, not violent, it was very out of character. Her family convinced the girl to drop the charges. Her brother is a lawyer.
I made it clear to the cheap girl that I wanted nothing to do with her—she was just a mistake and a distraction. I begged my girl not to leave me, promising I’d do anything to make it right. She did not even argue with me, she did not get vindictive, all she did was cry a lot and then told me that she never wants to see me again. Then she just ignored all my calls, my messages, and completely cut me out of her life.
I am supposed go to Norway for a while, and after realizing I was getting nowhere with her, I decided to stop by her place one last time. After nearly three months of silence, she actually came out to see me, but didn’t let me inside. I got down on my knees and pleaded with her not to leave me, nearly in tears—yeah, I know, pretty pathetic. She said she and her family would be gone for a few days, and when she returns, we can talk. I told her that I am supposed to go to Norway, but I would cancel just to be with her. Then she asked me - Bjorn, are you going to stop going on long voyages now? - and I told her that yes, I will stop, and I will stay here. We set a date and time to meet and talk.
Now I’m wondering how to approach this meeting. Does her question about my traveling mean she’s considering taking me back? Why would she care if I stop going away? I also realized she never officially broke things off—she just ignored me for three months, and I assumed it was over.
I know this sounds like oneitis, but it doesn’t come from a place of scarcity. My past experiences have shown me that she’s genuinely superior to other girls and someone good for me.
How should I act when we finally meet? I’ve been pretty beta in my previous attempts, but given everything that’s happened, should I keep begging for forgiveness? She refused to talk with me for three months, and it was when I was at my most vulnerable that she agreed to meet. Should I consider getting her an expensive gift? Would offering to try for another baby help her feel better about the miscarriage or just remind her of the loss and make her feel worse? I am stressing hard – I don't know how to act – I feel like this is my only chance.
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First-light 1w ago
This is a very tough one. Miscarriage is very hard to get over in a lot of relationships and the infidelity thing was perfectly terrible timing. I have had a similar sort of thing where one woman I was with miscarried while another was pregnant. I have also had a baby die young. These things are very tough for women and one needs to read the woman as best as one can and work with what they can manage. You can't necessarily just lead them out of the woods here as they are may be hurting too much to move from the place they are mentally. You need to build them up mentally with care and support.
I think in this case you are also going to need to look at yourself and at the future and make sure that you are offering what you can realistically be happy with. If you offer too much, then it may mess things up a lot as you go through life together. Are you sure you can just stop going away for long times? You may or may not be able to win this one but don't bankrupt your future to win the present. If you go super simp now, you can't sustain that and she won't like it anyway long term. She won't really want you to be pathetic -that is unattractive but she will want to see you are sorry for hurting her. She may want to be angry for a while and see you apologise. Don't crawl but you may need to take some crap without fighting back. Take crap but don't sacrifice yourself.
Another baby is a great idea. But is she is feeling like taking the leap again after her negative experience last time? If not don't make a thing of it. Just getting her pregnant if you can will help as once she is pregnant again it will heal things a little with the loss of the baby. Back off if she is uncertain about this. It can just happen some time later.
Only you can know about the gift thing. A gift is a great idea but I think that appropriate, thoughtful and personal is more important than expensive for a girl who is rich anyway. It needs to be something that shows how you get her and her emotional needs.
I would try to talk about the experience off loss with her and try to connect on that. However do not let her get into the whole infidelity thing or it will make it all turn for the worst as instead of connecting, you just drive a wedge between you.
Adding positive is more important here than trying to atone for what you can't change but don't expect her to be able to just let it all go either.
Musicgoon78 2 1w ago
It doesn't sound like oneitis, it is oneitis. You've got this girl on the highest pedestal and it's pretty sickening to read.
Here's your catch 22: you got on your knees and begged. You might as well have cut of your balls and handed them to her. This is weak and pathetic. This kind of behavior makes her not want you back.
You're cooked because your frame is weak and you apologized for your mistake.
pofkaf 1w ago
This is some grade-A red pill fanfic. Entertaining read.
But as for my advice...
This relationship is over. You fucked up, then begged like a little bitch when you got caught. She has all of the cards now. She will hold this over your head for as long as you two communicate. She will cheat on you with the excuse of "you did it to me." She will use your money. She will threaten to leave unless you bow to her every demand.
I can already hear you say..."But she won't do that! She's a superior girl!" And you'll be mistaken for saying that. All women act the same, generally; just as all men do. She is not a unicorn, she isn't special, she isn't "superior."
Do not give her a gift. Do not bribe her with a baby. Do not beg more than yoy already have. All of that is weak shit, and it's unattractive for women.
So what should you do? Live your life. Make money. Hit the gym. Do cool shit. See other women. If she ever wants to reconnect, she will do so on her own volition, but by that point, you should be so much further in life than you are today, that she won't be a blip on your radar.
But hey, don't take my word for it.
Musicgoon78 2 1w ago
Great response and wise words bro!
bjorn 1w ago
Maybe this is all true but I want my lass too badly to care. I want her to carry and give birth to my sons more than I've ever wanted anything in my life.
SpiritualEnema 5d ago
Then go and shoot your shot man, just be prepared to move on if it doesn’t go your way.
SwarmShawarma 5d ago
I have been in similar situation.
Then be ready that at best you will be excluded from this familly and you wont see you children anyway, even if this hapens.
In my case I play for a totall win or no game, I will give myself a chance to control who my children will be by being present. Not them growing up as the wHIMps or whores.
But each to their own
SwarmShawarma 1w ago
Doesn't work this way
You proved to her you are weak, most important quality woman is not looking for. Then did it again and again and again.
Since you are at her feet, by default accepting this behaviour, expect this to happen more.
At this point nothing shows you couldnt see will that work again. She might wanted to see you strong, unapologetic, eventually supportive tad later, in need of a strong arm. She got whimp, not only that, it might have seen you were thinking only about yourself, wanting forgiveness.
She might have been, but now... she lost the respect to this whimp.
Shit happens, learn from that, you did the best you could at the time. Everyone one was there.
derdeutscher 1w ago
Jesus man why would you push this? Some things are not meant to be. Move forward.
Other two observations - both of them like you because of money and they dont really care about rest (but they pretend that they do).
Second, women will excuse your cheating but not your pleading. Dont do it. You are not a beggar.
bjorn 1w ago
The one-time cheap girl clearly wants my money but my WASP LTR has far more money than I do. She will inherit a ton of money after her parents die. My descendants will have it made if she is their mother. It's more than just the money I am attracted to it's their family's entire tone of understated wealth with no flashiness, ostentatiousness, attention seeking - the civility, calm, composure, the propriety and good taste of that family - I want in. I want to be part of that world. I'm decently off but not wealthy, she told me what attracted her was my height, blond hair and blue eyes. She's fixated on the idea of having a blond baby.
derdeutscher 6d ago
Dude I will give her a baby and we can colour his hair. Want to give it a try? :D
Kidding. Anyway..just dont beg it should be fine.
bjorn 1w ago
I'm trying to flip it around and I shot her a message to tell her that the relationship has been damaged beyond repair and it’s probably best to call it quits. That I regret how things turned out and I was hoping to see her one last time but I'll have to leave for Norway before she gets back. That losing the baby was heartbreaking and I care too because it was my child too, so if she's wrestling with those feelings she can always reach out to me.
In minutes she replied saying that she wants to talk to me, needs to talk to me in person and please don't go to Norway. I reminded her that I’ve tried for months to communicate and I am moving on. Now she’s even trying to rearrange her plans to see me before I go.
Please critique my plans as needed but this is what I am determined to do when I meet her:
I will walk into her house like I always have before. I am determined to immediately kiss her and fuck her just like I always have before as if nothing has ever changed, before anything is talked about. I can't predict what will happen after that. I think when she brings up my infidelity or the miscarriage I will tell her that from now on she will be my only lass, and she will bear my sons, and that everything will soon be ok again.
SwarmShawarma 6d ago
So, do you known it is the best or you don't or you need to ask her or maybe your mom told you it is the best
IMO you have already said too much, what do you want to learn is to shut up, it might be hard because you didnt prove you can do it and what she will AUTOMATICALLY do, she will test yourballs over and over again. By getting a knee etc you bought a ticket for being a fair asshole for another year, min.
So why exactly she is not coming to your house, why you don't make her wait a minute before you answer, why don't you talk to her in the door before she convinces you she can enter, why she doesnt say she will go with you but strings you along,
You are trying to negotiate after putting yourself in a footwell position.
You still don't get it.
She knows you negotiate.
Its time for demads.
Edit
Im not saying you gonna make it. But it will be good exercise.