My current social circle consists of a buch of losers, smoking pot and playing video game was fun in high school but right now its obvious that they only bringing me down, im trying to create a new social circle with guys who have something going for themselves,
I have one question tho, when i was learning game on of my biggest issues was being too logical, i was asking too many questions and basically just exchanging information, i had to practice how to create emotions in conversation and the difference in response i get from girls is crazy,
my question is does this emotional thing work when having a casual conversation with another guy and trying to befriend him or being plain logical (which is my natural response) does the trick?
mattyanon Admin 8mo ago
talk. don't ask questions.
Right
Mostly logical (not questions!)...... you are looking for people with the same sort of tribe/outlook/views as you, and it's good to help each other with things (projects, random shit).
First-light 8mo ago
Try to talk about what he is in to, try to find some common enthusiasm but if not talk about whatever is going on in the world.
Logical is fine, so long as its something he is in to but if you are talking about base ball averages and how it is logical to count a home run as more important than an ordinary run as its so much more valuable to the team, while he is a fine arts buff, you won't connect. However, if you then change the subject to the impressionists and say how you think how Van Gough was a nut job and his art shows it but his paint work is pretty cool when you see it up close, it will be fine. You can have those in depth nerdy conversations with guys and unlike girls they will really love it but you have to have those conversations with fellow enthusiasts, otherwise stick to topics everyone can have an opinion about.
Musicgoon78 2 8mo ago
Bro,
This kind of question kinda saddens me. It just shows how socially neutered most men are.
I had a best friend in grade school and through highschool. He died at 18. I miss the guy greatly and sometimes have dreams that he's here again.
The best part of male friends is that I wasn't worried about the subject. We would just talk.
Unless you've got some severely acute autism, you were born with all the skills you need. Most little boys are making friends with little boys in preschool and kindergarten. It's not some sort of rocket science.
These days, we have a whole generation of men that are deathly afraid of saying the wrong thing or acting the wrong way. Or base knowledge of how to get along with a fellow human is gone. This really makes me sad.
When I used to hang out with my best friend we would talk about anything, I mean anything. Anything. It could be about video games. It could be about girls. It could be about emotions. It could be about family etc. No subject was taboo or off the table.
Having to think and present yourself in a certain way before opening your mouth has to be absolutely exhausting! You want to have friends that will get along with you and listen to you and interact with you.
It's interesting to see the most likeable people are usually the most authentic. Part of my personal character is my lack of filter and my complete and blunt honesty. If people don't like me, that's ok.
Let me just summarize: You shouldn't have to think of shit like this with other guys. Talk about what you want when you want. Being a response robot isn't forming a friendship. Friendships shouldn't require this much thought. Learn to just be ok speaking without worrying and your social life will improve drastically.
First-light 8mo ago
That's all true and I entirely agree but I think we need to realise that we are dealing with an different generation of men and there is a new normal.
I am surprised how much help many men feel they are getting form asking random internet guys like us about stuff. While we can throw up our hands and say "its obvious, just do it" the fact is it isn't always obvious to them. The number of friends the average young man has has fallen from 7 to 3 over the last few decades.
I think autism has an effect and many of the young men reaching out here are touched by that but seriously there are guys out there needing a help we didn't need. If we had asked those questions we would have been teased and called losers. these guys live in different times. They know there is a problem and they are trying to take steps.
I know we are not teachers of basic social skills but I think we also have to deal with a new reality. Its like the army had to accept that recruits don't come with strong enough feet any more to take old style boot camp basic training. We have to build these lads up socially or they will just break.
Musicgoon78 2 8mo ago
I definitely can see your point. I just think that a guy talking to another guy on a socially platonic level doesn't hold that level of rejection or even merits any sort of game plan. There's always going to be some unlikeable faggots out there that aren't friendly, but most guys are at least cordial if not respectful to other men.
SingleVaxxed 8mo ago
With level of simpeconomy, the "respectful" between men is not a default expected interaction.
For a long time I was working somwhere where I couldn't observe simping. After changing what I do I can. Although sample, is small I have observed 'the respect' applies toward women when dudes are pandering to them. It is really hard to put any trust into dudes based on daily observations. I consider making friends: plowing.
For the last 2y I belong to pretty large - for over 30yo - dudes only group. Basically all I hear is sort of 'happy wife happy life', it is sort of depressing. I enjoy the group activity but it is lacking elsewhere, especially considering the size. And these dudes are not losers.
OP is asking a question, because he doesn't yet understand that it takes 2 to tango and 'the other one' is hard to come across. OP might not have skills yet, but have willingness, what he sees though is a wall.
@Beamerboy1 be ready for a long game. Finding somewhat cool dudes is only a little bit easier than sort of a woman you will enjoy to give your time to. As in the case of finding a woman: it might be you or it might be the other person. Keep going don't build huge expectations.
Musicgoon78 2 8mo ago
I have no idea what you just said.....
SingleVaxxed 8mo ago
thanks
corrected where could
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 8mo ago
English, motherfucker! Do you speak it?!
SingleVaxxed 8mo ago
Dude I even have a certificate confirming my skills in English language.
Jokes on you.
2 edit for you
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 8mo ago
Unless that certificate says "needs work", you'll be wanting a refund. ;(
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 8mo ago
What did you do to make friends when you were a kid?
Do that.
Don't needlessly complicate things.
First-light 8mo ago
True, you are quite right but many of these young men didn't learn the skills as kids. There is a growing number of young men coming to the internet to learn what their fathers, brothers and pals would/should have taught then had they had different families and education. The break down of the family, the rise of groundless fear and responsibility culture, the view that risk is toxic male behaviour and the rise of the internet has led to kids just not getting out and learning to get on and compromise. As usual the most disadvantaged in society suffer most in a change and young men are going to suffer badly from this.
I think that as older at least semi normal men (granted we are talking in a niche internet community), we may need to start to think about how to help these guys.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 8mo ago
It's just unfathomable to me, not knowing how to converse and make friends.
I had a hell of a difficult time when it came to sex as a teenager and young adult, but I could at least converse.
I want to help him, but it's like someone asking how to drink water or breathe air, you know?
First-light 8mo ago
Yeah, its really quite frightening. I think this lack of basic skills has to be one reason behind the current male mental health epidemic.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 8mo ago
Maybe I'll make a post that is like a prequel to my conversation skills guide.
I used to have zero ability to converse. That guide i had already out was leagues above fundamental conversation skills
My excuse was autism spectrum. I really think some of these men today are just isolated from diapers onward. I had friends growing up but as soon as they went to a different middle school i had to start over and my skills disappeared with them.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 8mo ago
Frequently the best teachers for a skill are those who used to struggle with it.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 8mo ago
Agreed
financehardo420 Should i (x1) 8mo ago
this is a fried ass question; just be normal…
as for finding friends that “have something going for themselves” first you have to have something going for yourself. becoming that kinda person you slowly start to draw away from your degen friends and eventually you meet other people on the same path and find ppl you mesh with.
It’s that simple. Next point: be way more independent. Don’t spend make efforts to get close to someone (dude or chick) that you don’t vibe with.
When I meet someone (dude or chick) I can pretty much instantly tell if I fuck w them or not. If I do; cool we’ll hang and party n shit. If not then I don’t waste my time thinking about whether they like me or not; I just move on w my life.
Build your garden and the butterflies will grow; same thing applies to having dope friends. Become dope and you’ll meet each other eventually.
Lastly; most friendships are pretty temporary so I wouldn’t place too much value. I’ve met a lot of ppl in my life and had hella “friends”. I stay in touch with a small handful of them over the years. Similar to the whole “watch what they do” thing w chicks; same thing w bros. You can learn to tell if someone’s a genuine friend or not via your interactions.
TLDR: Get it together and stop being a sperg. Build yourself up time is short and too precious to be posting on here asking about whether you should be fucking emotional or logical when interacting with other men.