I met someone in my industry this week through a friend who is well known to be top of his game and well sought after. I've heard about him from others and to be honest I was quite jealous when I met him. This guy was smart, was confident in everything regarding our industry and was just driven and hungry. My friend joked and said man how have you done so well, was your dad in finance like what drives you? This guy smirked and said no his father wasn't in finance, in fact, his father was absent and that's all the drive you need. It really got me thinking.
I asked a bit more about him afterwards, and my friend who knew him from post-grad at an ivy league institution said he was always a beast. He got straight 4.0 in every subject, topped his graduating class, scholarships from multiple institutions, poached by top tier firms before graduation. Said that he broke up with his GF because she was distracting him from his studies and apparently continuously rejected women. Said he was literally in the library or gym 24/7 learning everything upgrading himself, refused to party or go out cause he was so focused.
It got me thinking to the times in life when I was hyper-focused and driven, and each time it all stemmed from pain/embarrassment. In my 20's I started taking gym/mma hardcore seriously when I got friendzoned by a longterm crush. I worked my ass off to get my current position all because I failed class in high school and was embarrassed by my highly successful peers.
Now, I am quite successful, comfortable and no longer in pain. Girl rejects me, I don't care I've fucked plenty of hot girls. Buddy of mine does well, good for him I am doing awesome myself so I don't care.
But on the flip side, I am no longer driven. I can't seem to sustain this continual drive that certain people can like my mutual friend I talked about earlier. It's frustrating and I don't know what to do? There is more room for me to grow in my career and life but everything is just so comfortable there is no need to prove myself anymore....
financehardo420 Should i (x1) 8mo ago
It’s fear of being put back in the position where you started. That drive comes from a strong determination to never go back no matter what. It’s why the majority of millionaires are self made and not inherited.
whytehorse2021 8mo ago
Fear is the best motivator. Your friend is driven by the fear that nobody is coming to save him. He will always be forced to perform a self-rescue so he prepares for that eventuality. You should do the same. Do you have 18 months of bills saved up for when you lose your job? Are you financially independent or do you depend on a boss? Does a bank own your house? Car? Have you secured a legacy(kids)? Stuff like that.
MrSupreme 8mo ago
I think the guy is in some kind of permanent monk mode.Monk mode can be awesome if there is structure within it, you learn some things about yourself,train some skills,pick up some great habits and then get back on the market. But permanent monk mode doesn't sound healthy, everything in moderation including moderation
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 8mo ago
"Driven" or "motivated" is an emotional state. You can't depend on emotions, as they are fickle as hell.
It's far better to be disciplined. That's when you do what must be done even when you don't feel like it.
Then enjoy it and be content!
First-light 8mo ago
Be careful what you wish for. Yes one must constantly learn and evolve. However, to go through life with the degree of dissatisfaction and drive to do better that is needed to achieve the pinnacle will come with huge personal cost.
We worship the great winners. Many of them (not all) go on to later show they were a bit one sided and unbalanced in their personalities. However for every one of those great winners there are 100 men who die dissatisfied failures. These men had the same drive but less ability and/ or luck or chose a less ideal field in which to contend.
Getting what you want is half of it, wanting what you have is the other. The balanced approach is preferable. What did you want the success for? What did you want to do with it? Maybe that is where to drive yourself now that you are satisfied with the success you have?