I got her number, I texted her a date suggestion, she replied double text with a smalltalk question... Now I fucked up the texting in the past so many times that I try to not text by any means, so I told her straight up that I dont text and suggested a phone call instead. She replied no and goodbye.
I try to chalk it up as doged a bullet and that its fine if she cant handle the not-texting but its bothering me big time. Im now again depressed to a point that this will affect me for the coming weeks, so that Im in no state to approach anyone. There is so much negative shit and worries my brain is spitting out right now, its unreal. This is obviously no way to do things.
Id like to get to the point where failure does not bother me and I can approach constantly. The whole thing with women is full of contractdictions and catch 22s, I cant find a reliable way of dealing with it.
First-light 2w ago
Failure is personal but in the end one is going to fail at most endeavours in life. Its only occasionally that one gets started on a path that takes you somewhere. Most are dead ends. Lets face it, if she had been dead into you, she would have asked you to call her even after the strange message that said you don't like texts.
When women are into you, they are not going to be put off by little things, just as you wouldn't be. This was a woman who was not that into you. Not worth the chasing. Especially when you consider that the man makes most of the investment of effort and cost. If she is not keen, next her anyway. She is not the prize. She is a burden you are willing to carry but not a prize. if she doesn't want to work a bit for you, then why work for her?
This texting thing. I doubt its the texting per se that caused the problem, just the way you did it. You are going to have this problem in all interactions and have to work through it and find someone who can accept you for who you are -someone who is not a smooth operator. Texting usually helps guys who make social faux pas. It lets you check what you have said before you officially say it. I wouldn't give up on it. Just examine your texts carefully.
If you are worried about a text, just call her when you get her text and reply to her live. Don't say "I don't text" just call. If she refuses to take your call, well that says something. Calling every time she texts might be a bit thirsty but you can certainly do it if you are afraid of messing up.
Typo-MAGAshiv 2 2w ago
That sort of thing will make you sound uptight and like a pain in the ass to deal with. Chicks want to have fun, not learn a bunch of silly, arbitrary-ass rules for some dude they just met.
If you spiraled that hard from one chick noping out, you need to work on yourself and your mentality. Jesus, a stranger opted out of dealing with your silly "I don't text" nonsense. It's not like your parents died.
If you want not to text too much, just don't text too much. Don't DEER about it; just do things your way.
noidea 2w ago
Stanger with a nice ass I might add
Yeah that what im asking, what to do?
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2w ago
This is spergy as shit. You type ONE text saying what you need to say. If they don't respond to it favorably, they aren't that interested.
"There is a new taco shop that just opened, I'm dying to try their margaritas"
Her: "that sounds tasty (gay ass blush and tongue emoji)"
You: "you down to join me?"
Her: (yes/no/stupid excuse)
It's not complicated but you made it complicated. For no reason.
Fixed it for you
If you don't have good social skills you're doomed. If you can't progress a normal conversation (I'm not even talking about game), you're doomed. Work on your basic conversation skills. Make friends.
noidea 2w ago
Im became horrified of the texting thing. I sperged out with texting so many times, I just dont want to do it anymore, thats why I went full autism and told her I dont do it. That that was autistic I only realized this morning. Or maybe would never have if she didnt react negtaively. Thats kind of the problem here, I never see it. Believe it or not normal conversaton is fine.
How do I get out of texting completely (besides logistics) in a non-autisitic way?
Musicgoon78 1 2w ago
You can't get out of texting. Everyone and their grandma does it. You're going to have to accept that it's a part of life and join the rest of the world. Face your fear and discomfort head on. Other wise you're going to have this happen over and over until you're completely broken.
You seem to be missing some very basic social skills. You might want to think about therapy for this level of anxiety about texting.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2w ago
Okay well if it is, then you shouldn't be stressing out about texting. At all. So i suspect it's not as good as you say.
You get the conversation to logistics as soon as possible. 3-4 text exchanges. Each reply gets a little bit closer to something with plans getting mentioned.
This shouldn't be stressful. Either she likes you enough already or she doesn't. Texting doesn't wet panties. Stop putting pressure on yourself over the texts as if you're going to change the outcome. You're not. She already made up her mind before you texted her at all. The only guys that stress out about texting are the guys that think they can magically change a girls mind over text. You can't.
If she says no to your plans just don't respond to other pen pal crap. If you can't get to a part of a conversation with plans that is your fault. You're the man and you need to lead.
Secondly, if you want to skip texting, you need to establish plans BEFORE getting her number and getting the number is so you can follow through on plans. For example, closing an approach with a coffee request. She says yes and you get her number, making the purpose of texting already for plans.
Stop sperging about and get anxious about texting. You need to do better on your first impression, not magical text wizardry
noidea 2w ago
You know what im goona do next time? just thought of it. I ask chatgpt if the message im planing to send is normal or autistic :o
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2w ago
This is a terrible idea
MrSupreme 2w ago
I think you're too invested.I know rejection can be tough and repetitive,and tiresome.if you're feeling burned out, remind yourself that they're only women you have barely met,why would it hurt,no one is promising attention,pussy, a blowjob or a dream girl experience(yet),you're just trying to know each other better and see IF it turns out to be something more.Game at first is just that,building attraction,knowing girls , scanning the market.
Be less invested in them, specially at the beggining, be more outcome independent, cultivate a more indifferent and IDGAF attitude towards gaming/dating. Think of it as your shield,first it will prevent you from being demoralized into failure and second some/most/all women eventually find the aloofness and outcome independent attitude sexy and attractive, as compared to overtly invested guys that act like they talk to women once a decade.
noidea 2w ago
How to become more indefferent?
MrSupreme 2w ago
By not caring about outcome is a start,doesn't matter how much you wanna win the lottery, if your ticket didn't win then you can't afford to lose your shit over it, you're still empty handed so you might as well buy another ticket or stop buying tickets altogether.I suggest you read some stoicism, it helps a bunch with the inner game you need to reach a more composed,aloof attitude towards everything,Including game.
mattyanon Admin 2w ago
First up, you don't tell her you don't text.
Second... don't suggest it...... you should tell her ...... "Kinda busy...... gonna call you in 10".
You care because you don't have other options.
Find other options, chalk this one up to whatever.
It's not a failure because you don't know what happened....... maybe she was never gonna meet..... maybe she changed her mind....... dude, she's female, who the fuck knows. They do crazy shit non stop.
Yeah, it's emotionally tough. Keep up with it, you're doing fine.
noidea 2w ago
mattyanon the actual legend himself no way. Thanks for the redpill comandments, I took two years off and forgot much of it, not the core ideas tho. I actually tried the options thing for a short time and it was too much social contact even with just two girls. I dont know how you people do it. I need to take a year or so, work on it and find my way, I dont want the women thing to be such a source of stress aynmore.
mattyanon Admin 2w ago
As you say, you need to find what works for you.
Options doesn't necessarily mean you have to actually be seeing multiple women, just have the easy realistic option to do so.
It sounds like you tried to make two women happy rather than do what works for you. Typically women want too much time and resources, but they'll accept much less than they try to demand for you, leaving you enough time elsewhere if you make this happen.
noidea 2w ago
"just have the easy realistic option to do so" Thats sounds doable. I guess this means being able to get the number and having the first 2 dates down?
mattyanon Admin 2w ago
Yep. Abundance.